My Girlfriend is Gravely Ill, and Sadly...She Won't Shut Up About It!!

Many of you, yet some less frequent readers and listeners of the IWS website and radio show may not, know that my girlfriend, BFF, and OSP Schmoop, is quite ill.

Yep, she has developed some type of mass in her bile duct.  It could be cancerous, but…maybe not.  We won’t know until they go in to remove it in a couple of weeks.

She has been under medical house arrest for two weeks and let me tell you…IT’S BEEN HELL!!

I know…she has turned yellow…Has already had one procedure to temporarily open her blocked bile duct, may have cancer, and will definitely be losing not only the bile duct and her gall bladder, but perhaps parts of her liver, stomach, and pancreas as well, but c’mon?

Does anyone recognize what I am going through, and how this affects ME?

I didn’t fucking think so, and let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy on me, because well…The Chick Won’t Shut Up About It!!

I know…I know…She is very ill, but come on.  It’s not like she is in pain.  It’s not like she isn’t ambulatory. It’s not like her bodily functions don’t, well…function.

She can get around just fine.  She’s very coherent.  She has no pain, and yet, what do I hear all damn day?

“Honey could you make me some toast?  Honey could you get me some water?  Honey, I know you are trying to write a post, but I think I want a grilled cheese sandwich and peas for dinner…could you get on that?”

Yes, I know you have a tube running from your liver and it juts outside from the inside of your body and the aforementioned liver organ, but it’s not as though you are a quadriplegic.

It’s not like an innocent stomach tube and the potential of having cancer should prevent an otherwise able-bodied woman from making her own God Damned grilled cheese sandwich!!

My God woman, step up your game!!  I cannot fight your possible cancer on my own!!  But…

I don’t necessarily blame you entirely…for perhaps, maybe it was I who fucked up, and unknowingly enabled and unleashed your sense of ego-centric neediness by buying flowers for you the other day.

I think I regret that…no…I know that I regret that, especially because I didn’t go ahead and pick up that pound of hamburger that was on sale when I went to the grocery to get your flowers.  So?

Okay…that one is on me, but anyhoo…

Let me just say…It’s not like you can’t help out around the house during the day instead of laying there watching TV while you fail to collect a paycheck.

Yes I know…You tell me everyday that you will be having surgery in order to remove what could possibly be cancerous material, but until then, it wouldn’t hurt you, and in fact, it would be therapeutic for you to tidy up around the house while I am working at the Beer Mine.  After all, you don’t want your muscles to atrophy.

You could start by cleaning the bathroom.  You keep telling me it’s disgusting and that I should clean it, but seriously, when you clean out you’re your stomach tube every day, the bile goes everywhere but the bathroom sink, so when I think about it, that mess is all on you.

Another thing…You aren’t working.  You aren’t drawing an income.  Are you expecting me to find an additional job?  Of course you are, and that’s okay…I can work the Beer Mine, a part-time job, AND do the website and radio show…no problem.  It’s not like I’m not Superman!!  Unbelievable!! Thoughtless at the least.

Lastly, and this is directed to all my friends on Facebook, Twitter, through the show and the website, and my family…

It’s nice to hear from you every day asking me how Schmoop is, but seriously?  Could you once in awhile ask me how I am holding up?

Schmoop’s potential cancer is turning me into a wreck, exhausting me, and it’s not fair. I suffer too y’know!!

I mean sure…She may soon be losing parts of 4-6 to internal organs, but man, as you can see…

I’m the one who is hurting.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

And by the way folks...Jayman and I did another great radio show yesterday as we broke the 2012 Presidential election down and made lots of fun of Dick Morris.  If you missed it, you can catch it here:

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Posted by: Tukiyooo My Girlfriend is Gravely Ill, and Sadly...She Won't Shut Up About It!! Updated at : 9:00 PM

Wednesday, November 7, 2012