The voices in my head

<em>There's a "good" voice and a "bad" voice constantly talking in my head. It drives me nuts sometimes. Today the conversation about working out went like this:</em><br /><br />It can't be 5am already! I just went to sleep. I'm not working out today, I'm too tired!<br /><br /><strong>Get your butt out of bed. Remember, this is how it starts.</strong><br /><br />But I think I'm getting bronchitis. I have that weird tickle thing in my lungs, like last time.<br /><br /><strong>You didn't cough all night, get up. Now!</strong><br /><br />Don't wanna!<br /><br /><em>30 minutes later I'm up</em><br /><br />I don't want to go to the gym. So tired. It's too late anyway. I need to go to work early today. No time for the gym.<br /><br /><strong>Okay, but pack your gym bag, you're going after work.</strong><br /><br />Why? If I'm too tired now I'll be too tired at 6pm.<br /><br /><strong>Pack the bag.</strong><br /><br /><em>I pack the bag anyway, but stay late at work leaving around 7:30 pm.</em><br /><br />I'm so tired, I think I'll just go home.<br /><br /><strong>No, you're going to the gym. It's not up for discussion.</strong><br /><br />No, I'm going home.<br /><br /><strong>Gym.</strong><br /><br />Home.<br /><br /><strong>We'll think about it on the way home.</strong><br /><br /><em>I eat 2 cups of icy cold watermelon chunks left over from my lunch, with my fingers, on the drive home/gym. I drink a whole water bottle of water. I'm starting to feel better.</em><br /><em></em><br /><strong>I feel better, I think I'll go to the gym. I'll get my second wind when I get there and start working out.</strong><br /><br />Really Diana, don't you want to go home? Don't you feel just a little sick from that cold you had on Sunday? You're so tired. It's hot out, probably hot in the gym too. It's so late, almost 8pm. Go home.<br /><br /><strong>Nope, going to the gym. Shut up about it because you're not going to win this argument.</strong><br /><br />Seriously, that's how it went today. This is only part of it, the conversation was back and forth all freaking day.<br /><br />I worked out for an hour and 45 minutes. Great workout even though my beloved StairMaster is still broken. I can barely move my arms they're so tired and already sore from the weights I lifted.<br /><br />I don't usually have this tough of a time going to the gym. I usually don't even think about it, I just do it. Today there was an inner battle going on inside of me. A fight, me against me.<br /><br />Perhaps that sounds weird, perhaps I'm really ready for the loony bin, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">crazytown</span> or whatever you want to call it. Or perhaps I've learned what's best for me, and to ignore that negative, stupid voice in my head that wants me to be lazy and fat again. I don't know who she is or why she thinks she can boss me around, but I think not.

The voices in my head

There's a "good" voice and a "bad" voice constantly talking in my head. It drives me nuts sometimes. Today the conve...

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The almost perfect green monster & HFCS

I keep talking about my four-part plan to get to goal, but not writing about it. I'm still working on it, but I will tell you one part:<br /><br /><strong>changing what I eat</strong><br /><br />I'm a creature of habit and in the past 17 months I've basically stuck to the same foods, with little variation. I have eaten the exact same breakfast for months and months. I can make in it in about a minute, it's pack full of protein and I love it.<br /><br />It's my skinny-downed egg mcmuffin for 6 Points. Real egg (organic, free-range of course), real 2% cheddar, Thomas multi-grain muffin, low-fat Canadian bacon. But every morning? Day after day, month after month.<br /><br />I know this is bad. I know the importance of eating a variety of foods. It's key in weight loss and in health. There's nothing wrong with my breakfast, but there aren't any fruits or vegetables in it. That means I have to pack them into the rest of my day. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't (usually I don't).<br /><br />So after reading blog after blog about the green monsters I've been giving them a try. So far I've been less than impressed. Until this morning. I figured out what I didn't like about them and fixed it. I don't like super thick, not icy cold drinks. Yucky. This morning I had a monster and it was almost perfect, just a little too sweet. Tomorrow I'm leaving out the WW smoothie mix (too many chemicals anyway) and adding another scoop of goat whey (for an extra 15 grams of protein and 1.5 Points).<br /><br />2 big handfuls of fresh spinach - 0 Points<br />One scoop goat whey protein powder - 1.5 Points<br />One WW smoothie mix - 1 Point<br />2 cups watermelon - 2 Points<br />1 small banana - 1.5 Points<br />1 cup water<br />2 cups crushed ice <-----aha! this is a key ingredient <br /><br />Total Points = 6 <br /><br />This was good, except being too sweet. It made a really large portion. <br /><br />I also whipped up a batch of fresh hummus this morning. Usually I buy it, but it only took a couple of minutes to make it. I didn't use a recipe, it was garbanzo beans, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic and I threw in some sun dried tomatoes we had on hand, a little sea salt and pepper. Put all that stuff in the food processor, mixed it up and instantly had yummy hummus without any weird junk in it. No idea on the Points but I only use a little over a tablespoon on my wrap instead of mayo, so I count it as a Point.<br /><br />Now off to face the battleground I call my work place. Lately I feel like I'm getting beat to death every day. Project managing isn't at all what I thought it would be. It looks so easy but it's really not. There are so many things to worry about on a project, and I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction. The good thing is I'm too busy during the day to even think about food. The bad thing is I'm too busy during the day to even think about food. :)<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <br />Dinner last night<br /><br />In an effort to cook more and make a variety of food, I made a stir fry last night. Onions, garlic, Roma tomatoes (squeezed out the insides so not soupy), snow pea pods, red bell pepper, and a little olive oil and then I added the shrimp. <br /><br />I couldn't decide what spices to use so my husband, trying to help, told me to try the Maui Sweet & Sour sauce he bought last weekend. I looked at the calories and fat and two tablespoons was 60 calories and .5 grams fat, or one Point. <br /><br /><strong>As I was adding in the sauce,</strong> which tasted wonderful, my husband read the ingredients on the bottle (remember - he bought this stuff). He said, "oh NO!". What? Does it contain peanuts? (I'm allergic). No, the number one ingredient was...HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP. I doused our healthy vegetables and shrimp with HFCS. Nice. Yes, we ate it and yes, it was wonderful. Gotta love that HFCS.

The almost perfect green monster & HFCS

I keep talking about my four-part plan to get to goal, but not writing about it. I'm still working on it, but I will tell you one part: ...

Read more »