Lenten Reflections: Part 2

II. CLEFT FOR ME<br /><br />The rocky edifices of my world are beautiful precisely because they are broken. Their very appearance above ground is the consequence of various geologic cataclysms, a shifting of tectonic plates, a volcanic eruption, or a glacial assault upon the earth. The great rocks themselves are marked by fissures, caves, and niches formed by wind, water erosion, and the insistent wearing of time. These rocks are marked by ages. Their beauty resides in the paradox of strength and brokenness. How can such solidity be fractured? Are the wind and water mightier than the rock? Was the seemingly impregnable stone fortress flawed, concealing secret faults, weaknesses waiting to be exploited? Or is the stone rather personalized by an inner consent to be broken, a submission to sacrifice for some more tender, even more human, inclination? The fissures, caves, and niches not only transform a flat surface of uniform disinterest into a complex portrait of aesthetic wonder, they offer shelter from sun, wind, and rain. Ironically, they shield the more vulnerable living creatures of the desert from the very same forces that break the rocks so that they may afford the shelter.<br /><br />That the Rock of Ages should be cleft is astounding. If the Rock is cleft by a force superior to itself, that would be the end of faith. It would mean the power of chaos triumphs over order, the power of nothingness (Karl Barth called it, das Nachtige) triumphs over Being. But suppose the Rock of Ages is not cleft against its will. Perhaps it is not subjected to such breakage by weakness but by the vulnerability of its own love. Hesed. “His mercy endures forever.” Suppose the Rock of Ages is not cleft by meaninglessness and chaos, but rather is cleft for a purpose the Rock deems worthy of such a sacrifice. The Rock consents to be broken. What purpose could justify the breaking of God?<br /><br />“Rock of ages cleft for me.” If the foundation of reality is only strength, then where is the place for my weakness? Where can I hide on the stony surface of such a reality? I need the strength of the Rock to save me with its power, but I also need the vulnerability of the cleft which is its caring, the costly caring, in which I take refuge. Neither power nor vulnerability standing alone will offer refuge. Love and power must be conjoined in the God of my salvation – the God who is both rock and person, the rock with the power to shield, but with a cleft which is his “wounded side.”<br /><br />God is infinitely more than human. Heaven and earth cannot contain the Lord. He cannot be confined in a temple, labeled with a name, or defined by an image. God is more vast that the universe itself. Yet, God’s greatness rests not in vastness but rather in God’s willingness to become human, to take on flesh, to subject himself to the frailty of mortal life so that we might not be alone. The greatness of God’s compassion exceeds the greatness of God’s might. God opens in vulnerable mercy to enfold us. “Let me hide myself in thee.”<br /><br />It is my very self I need to hide. It is my very self because that is what is threatened by the world, which is often indifferent, often even hostile to my presence here. It is not just my assets or my reputation. It is my very self that is at risk of being crushed or distorted by demands, manipulations, and judgments, crushed or distorted by fate, ill health, personal calamity. The person God made me to be is in danger of destruction or distortion by a world that wants me to be either entirely different or entirely absent. If I am not sufficient in myself to deliver myself, then where can I turn but to God? And so I do. I recite the words of Isaiah,<br /><br />Surely it is God who saves me,<br />I will trust in him and not be afraid<br />for he is my stronghold and my sure defense<br />and he will be my savior.<br />Isaiah 12: 2<br /><br />Or I center myself with a one word prayer, murmuring the name of God alone, resting in God and trusting that God holds my life in his hand. I would rather hold my life in my own hand, but my hand is too small. It is not strong enough.<br /><br />There is a poignant solace in taking refuge in the cleft of the rock. God affords me refuge and that is good. But for the cleft to be ther for me, God has must be broken. A rift in God must occur in order to afford me that refuge. I did not break God. Even my sin is not so powerful as that. God is broken open by God’s own love. The Buddhist teacher, Chogyam Trungpa, used to speak of the heart being “broken open.” Just so, God is broken open by God’s own love to afford me refuge and that makes the place of refuge a place where I know I am loved, where I am valued enough to endure the fracture of mortality. That’s is what God shows me in Jesus on the cross – a God willing to walk into death with me, a God willing to descend into hell to bring me back from it.<br /><br />I can prostrate myself in awe of the Rock of Ages like a Pleistocene man before El Capitan. But awe is not love. I love the Rock of Ages because it is cleft. When I find myself unworthy to breathe the earth’s air, I find my worth in knowing the Rock was cleft for me.<br /><br />I wish I were more often moved to reverence and wonder by the glories of creation. But I am not. I am a prisoner of ego. I live in a small world of projects, plans, and petrifications of the heart. God’s glory only occasionally gets my attention and then it does not last. But fear gets my attention. It gets my attention so well, I would not blame God if God threatened me daily. But God does not. I cannot recall once being threatened by God – by preachers of hellfire and damnation, yes. But not by God. And the hellfire and damnation seemed too remote to pose an immediate threat. So whence cometh the fear that focuses my mind?<br /><br />Life is unstable. Buddha said as much in the 2nd Noble Truth. Heraclitus echoed him in his teaching on flux. Ecclesiastes despaired over it. A forgotten seat belt, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the tremors of the earth or the economy or the emotions of those we love, all these variables can bring a grandiose life to rubble and ruin. Something as tiny as a blood clot or a bit of plaque broken loose from an artery will wipe away the miracle of the human mind. In John Irving’s novel, The World According To Garp, when the hero was a little boy wading in the ocean, his mother would call out warnings to watch out for the undertow. He misheard her, thought she was warning of a malevolent monster “the undertoad.” He misheard her word but caught her meaning. It feels as if the lion prowls, dash Nacthige undoes, the chaos monster scatters the sand paintings of our lives and loves. That is when I need to hide myself in the cleft of the rock. And I do.<br /><br />Over 60 years, so many disasters have almost happened. God has delivered me from most of them. Others have happened, and God has delivered me through them. I would far rather be delivered from than through. But the point is to be delivered, to see the sky clear and walk the earth again. The storms come. The storms pass by as we nest in the invisible castle, secure in the crag and the fortress of God, powerful as the granite mountain, caring as the wounded side. Like the rocky edifices of Nevada, God is beautiful in God’s brokenness.<br /><br />Copyright 2010 Dan T. Edwards

Lenten Reflections: Part 2

II. CLEFT FOR METhe rocky edifices of my world are beautiful precisely because they are broken. Their very appearance above ground is the consequence of various geologic cataclysms, a shifting of tectonic plates, a volcanic eruption, or a glacial ass…

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Tracking Thursday AND following the rules

Yesterday I ate healthy all day and tracked every bite. I wasn't paying much attention to how many points I was accumulating because my meals were what I normally eat, so I was sure it was all good.<br /><br />When I got home I logged on to the online tracker to see how many Points I had left for dinner. I was shocked to see I'd already eaten 21.5 Points for my breakfast, lunch and two snacks. My max is 21 with some weeklies, depending on how hungry I am. I couldn't believe I'd eaten all my Points. I went back over every item, but it was all correct.<br /><br />I evaluated what I'd eaten all day and realized I'd been adding in a few little things here and there that really added up. They seemed harmless at the time, but they're why I haven't been losing weight (and slowly gaining).<br /><br />Sugar-free creamer in my coffee when I use to always drink it black. Hummus with my raw vegetables when I always ate my afternoon snack of raw vegetables plain. A few extra pieces of fruit, when I was limiting fruit to a maximum of three a day. Cutting back my vegetables from five servings a day to two or three. I wasn't drinking my non-fat milk or eating my healthy oil.<br /><br />The bottom line:  I haven't really been following the Weight Watcher plan. I've been squandering my Points. <br /><br />Just like I budget money to pay the mortgage, the car payment and the utility bills, I need to budget to make sure I get in my healthy oil and dairy. If I have to cut out the hummus so I can have a cup of milk and a yogurt, it's what I have to do.<br /><br />Today I'm focusing on tracking, but also following the healthy eating guidelines. I know that's one of the keys to successfully losing weight. I've accepted exercise as part of my life. Now I need to follow through on the healthy eating and limiting my food. <br /><br />When I saw I'd already eaten 21.5 Points by 6pm I considered skipping dinner, instead I had dinner and some fruit. It was about 8 Points, but I thought that was better than starving. <br /><br />Today will be better, I promise. Tracking and following the rules.

Tracking Thursday AND following the rules

Yesterday I ate healthy all day and tracked every bite. I wasn't paying much attention to how many points I was accumulating because my meals were what I normally eat, so I was sure it was all good.When I got home I logged on to the online tracker to…

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I’m going win this fight!!

<p> Good morning my favorite blogger friends!! :)</p> <p>Wednesday I was still working on kicking this cold that’s trying to come on. I skipped my morning gym workout to get some extra zzz’s. I also took some <strong>rapid release Tylenol</strong> to help with my pounding head and I found some <strong>Airborne</strong> in the medicine cabinet and took one of those as well. Hopefully my <strong>stubborn-ness</strong> keeps it away too! ;) I’m staying positive!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8cfQAb_bjm_c6lGL37nqF_FcEdrxot0lN0L_8B1JBxnEDyQjP3POAp0WqHlvM0LjITSs8_0hB_LKafPB3vmidcP0gTX0NCGKVlZidRmGJ0IqCQQchJvGDafaV8ATEQulHXf84jacNUiJa/s1600-h/DSC06173%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06173" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwtTIv9W8FjENCNld5UfwtIEXXAS9r3CXO8Qd0s4mRz6gxHBFV8FgTJ6-oYTFhsNxWC3K0sfsvmGhPDDb6p1m__kLbqFc5qTnPgr_biVRRZC7HoQSO2LgmL91W04j3eSdR1sld1n7sVKI-/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06173" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>Oh and thanks for all the tips! I appreciate it. I’m going to by some ZICAM nose spray when I’m at the pharmacy today…but I’m not so sure about the peroxide in the ears! ;) But hey, I guess if it means I won’t get sick I should try it, huh?!?!</p> <p>For breakfast I just kept it simple. I peeled an <strong>orange</strong> (<u>vitamin C</u>!!!) and sliced an <strong>apple</strong> for<strong> 2 points</strong>. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZV8Adqd7W5Q3QkY4oUPbhwQ5jsPoHnKdPq_DeQ_l41x6nSKNS0Q2eidelCxKHLBvbDfQjVXL663ZEeXODBS2HEUrCOPJozz2dJEEm48l4MRlKzsooMorlcj3AH76k5rw5MWb4MfyVD4gF/s1600-h/DSC06174%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06174" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSdZQintBakQScOpNIRO3nBNxS_qbIQb4j16wry9r5SXzBi_77c-iawWvRMQIea7hjMmR0UluOzyZ5q9e5PV9i39hpqoZPlYdwMof688F54XJr6XyidX08uwE2YjmdjsvLz5dfzaJthkD1/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06174" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>Before all my morning meetings started I mixed up my morning snack of <strong>strawberries</strong>, <strong>ww vanilla yogurt</strong>, and <strong>1/4c </strong><a href="http://weightloss-stories.blogspot.com/2010/02/few-updates.html"><strong>homemade granola</strong></a> for <strong>3 points</strong>.  I am sad to say that this was the last of the 12 cup batch! I guess I know what I’ll be doing on Saturday!! ;)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ0JP1a_ZYoX_jy6Dvc8t-pXvGimEmQtDaxSOK8iRU8BqHrbpr9NrfrI8aSC2tX8s50SfcEVlS_yZ9hlAgJFVEYP7A4grzW1bJG7MnBRb6KGQf6iB_XyfeKCGmpI6KbFufpaiptEslejPS/s1600-h/DSC06175%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06175" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8fjhG6AN1vTUP65ju-aSCHcHwSXFiTIFEM1rM9naRnfQ63qGc-aGB7ppuLEdBA9tWEs4O2olPtU0mhUQryZozPqgylfJRJFcYO3gGI9H671IDUvSxRCLrpY_GtWjSN4nl_-Vxy-lctHhV/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06175" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>After a morning filled with meetings I headed home to let the cable guy in over my lunch. I called our cable & internet provider and asked for a better rate and saved Kyle & I $<strong><u>30/month</u></strong>!! Hooray!! And the bonus was that we were even <strong>upgraded</strong> so he had to install something new!!</p> <p>Lunch was <u>quick</u>, <u>simple</u>, & <u>delicious</u>! I started out <strong>1/2c cottage cheese w/pineapple</strong> and an <strong>orange</strong> (more <u>Vitamin C</u>!!) for <strong>4 points.</strong> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIKFSOxKF6tXPjzyefPVAYjDuuWdGfexqyihRyYlbjZjn5UkeZn9HOTf4y8YpQgTXtq3hOg6qcYAC3BklVjO4mJPCyqhg-YAbpt2bRF_Ae7_687FEaGNmExWU7AWD671s9ka-o9R2BGlOB/s1600-h/DSC06176%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06176" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYBh6z1kpcM12LVq4Jdld2eVgmEyJpF5T7BYaYSGm1sd0yfa-fzRzSG-H-NXLl8co9wT0yElmPLxzS79PrBT6Y18tGxd5eBDLTJadgE_BOZa_ixIa9wLwY_Cho3Mje75Ot4LHbRme6cei_/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06176" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>And I finished off with a gooey, warm <strong>grilled cheese sandwich</strong> for <strong>2 points</strong>. I even cut it diagonally like my Mom used to…felt just like a kid eating this! :)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2Spk4efIzsY_szGoaUyNdz_BUh4iNzHbOEYpWTEP82Nfjn5lECaViQoZWv1J6n0xV5Rgo_35UxoKRxpxfbIJDPt9fDjBP3c3oGs1ocVUIcfgPhlF02yj5gZgYY9WjvkdpfI7_KBaaLmi/s1600-h/DSC06177%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06177" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikmm0fM4lKX29NdK7lfXSdwucocsyi5Q1vX_Sjh1KZ8tp1hMdFLP_pbBKi-FKMIBAVdpkQXYglwdJ8GwvVe53MJRhwrem2e4bo40Fog-DNu48J9_kJ_57MpgcKOq5OrQUKE_RLXKn08G3J/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06177" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>If you can believe it, I had more meetings yet in my afternoon. To get me through I sipped on some bubbly…no not champagne, <strong>diet sierra mist</strong>! ;)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKR9G37FFfK5i9oWeLeRfpem7DRVRlAtwygtrijNeHKypbLgt5Ry9LrSxL8SJ_qswGqWI0VtcsFXVfmxQO-iLdc61tyK_hLIkSoZ6e3cM-dkqpqFurkEzDM4z0_6EacgfUE3_CWN9UNQnE/s1600-h/DSC06178%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06178" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7-rqkPlXtPIE3boYU3hRD2ygXdt9zB0Fj8jAtebuCLBVziUMqlGZs8weB18HteeLTfJu5tFsXe4RODXOPnMalZ0mA3avuCv8sbPeVvTjaL3IWGxMNpOiQSkx9lbyoBBZTf2ABYJq0L1AM/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06178" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>Now <u>I know</u> I ate some <strong>baby carrots</strong> when I got back to my office. And <u>I KNOW</u> I took a picture…but my camera must have ate it! ;) Oh well…<strong>zero points</strong> anyway!!</p> <p>After work I ready to hit the gym! I got in <strong>35 minutes</strong> on the <strong>treadmill</strong>. Now the exciting part…within that 35 minutes I <strong>ran</strong> a <strong>5K</strong> in <strong>28:29 minutes</strong>!!! Which beats my goal of 29 minutes for February!! I was super pumped!!! It wasn’t easy though, my chest was tight, but I finished! I think this is the fastest I have ever ran a 5K!</p> <p>After my sweat session I came home and whipped up <strong>beef enchiladas</strong>! I thought they turned out great, but Kyle wasn’t so sure of the beans! He says it’s not an enchilada if there are beans in it, it’s more of a burrito. I said who care’s what it’s called…it just tastes good! My serving was<strong> 7 points</strong>. I couldn’t get a picture on my plate…it just turned into a big blob of meat & cheese!! But oh so good!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCyrJTwW-eH2-HgOYIcRQ7JKMUDxPMK1iO_SURqBLiaogtFsb-quaTFBR6pAhcKxWGAKumcxnj1l04_CiKfvqCOqF7Ns6M3YCYzDixGBLQNvdWsPJGXrNkFpRFSU9apHouheZaIABexFFU/s1600-h/DSC06179%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06179" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY-OXw5lwtDpPz2KOt6D-OVkgqHIzxsO7HUvjhUClgcSrq9426dsKvYJj0Uch9TMqZt3Cow8zpzUgKjUa5dhqFWmuRjnZY4yzMue1sQXuWJtmr6drfDIvtdzlt_FymNmdLao2Ib30DG7g5/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06179" width="404" /></a> </p> <p>I also had a<strong> 1/2c</strong> of<strong> corn</strong> on the side for <strong>1 point</strong>. I always remember school lunches whenever you had a Mexican dish you always had corn with it!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpZPYGqvv5YM9bB705pv9b5Yb7Tim93o98PCmyAgvKGDsubk8s7mNxX17mWWrH0jT5jKtmgB1w7V8kxu9R_YTse0U-GfPGMTJyPryi9UMrPezEiQ8J1vOheoEWZy0zkXevqLNIa1WEJU74/s1600-h/DSC06180%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC06180" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVrsYIc7oK-6ZnBhG_IzH3bBhQUC2t8oW8iwuzGx2-Uxh8pnvbtEhw2eaHf1ROm2RoG_C5qiBDzoh79YJgjT7BYyujtXXaKhoeQQB7cxbhMUGKwEd5H0OlugetSmmgCvx0DZtmiIm5lgnn/?imgmax=800" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; border-left: 0px; margin-right: auto; border-bottom: 0px" title="DSC06180" width="404" /></a></p> <p><strong>Beef Enchiladas</strong> <em>(makes 12 Enchiladas or 6 servings.  2 Enchiladas is 5 points)</em></p> <ul> <li>1 lb. Cooked lean ground beef </li> <li>8 oz. Kraft free grated cheese </li> <li>20 oz. Old El Paso mild enchilada sauce </li> <li>5 oz. Old El Paso fat free refried beans </li> <li>12 corn tortillas</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Cook ground beef. </li> <li>Mix ground beef and refried beans together. </li> <li>Add 1 can sauce, mix well. </li> <li>Warm tortillas in a microwave until soft and pliable.</li> <li>Spray with light cooking spray. </li> <li>Fill each tortilla with about 2 Tbsp. meat mixture. </li> <li>Roll, and fill pan.</li> <li>Pour cheese on top and bake for 25-30 minutes.</li> </ol> <p>After supper I cleaned up a bit and was exhausted. I ended up going to bed around 8:45pm!! Hoping the extra sleep will keep my strong to kick this cold!!</p> <p><strong>TUESDAY'S STATS <br /></strong>POINTS = 19/23 <br />WATER = 96 oz <br />EXERCISE = 35 min run</p> <p><strong><em>What was your favorite school lunch?</em></strong> I would have to say mine was chili & cinnamon rolls! I need to find a low point cinnamon roll recipe to make when we have chili!! Let me know if you guys know of anything!!</p>

I’m going win this fight!!

Good morning my favorite blogger friends!! :) Wednesday I was still working on kicking this cold that’s trying to come on. I skipped my morning gym workout to get some extra zzz’s. I also took some rapid release Tylenol to help with my pounding hea…

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