Found it!

Found the joy!<br /><br />First, I'm really sorry about that awful post I wrote earlier today. I'm not sure where that came from or why I was so angry. I just re-read it and deleted it. Hopefully not too many people read it. <br /><br />After I put up the Christmas tree, sans decorations (my husband will help with that tonight), I decided to go Christmas shopping. After visiting the mall and two other stores, I came home empty handed. The stores are packed with shoppers. The lines were incredibly long, so I gave up, not one single gift was purchased. I had a few in my hands but when I saw the lines, I knew it could wait.<br /><br />As I was driving home, listening to Silent Night being sung by Bing Crosby on the radio it occurred to me, what is all the fuss about? Why am I all stressed out? I'm not Martha Stewart, and I'm not going to have the perfectly decorated tree. The relatives in other states aren't going to get their gifts on time and they probably aren't going to get the perfect gift from us either (at the rate I'm going, they'll be lucky to get a card).<br /><br />When I pulled into our driveway I could see the tree in the front winter. I left the lights on it turned on and it looked so pretty. Festive and happy. It made me smile. <br /><br />It's Christmas. I'm going to relax, stop stressing about stupid stuff, and just enjoy my time off. <br /><br />Merry Christmas!   <---said without sarcasm. :)

Found it!

Found the joy!First, I'm really sorry about that awful post I wrote earlier today. I'm not sure where that came from or why I was so angry. I just re-read it and deleted it. Hopefully not too many people read it. After I put up the Christmas tree, sa…

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Returning to the land of the living

<strong>The past week</strong><br />It was a very bad week. My cold that started on Monday knocked me flat for almost six days. I basically became a bed person. I was living on NyQuil, and totally not paying attention to what I was eating. <br /><br />Of course, I didn't see the inside of the gym or any form of exercise the entire time. Six days of no exercise. That's the longest I've gone in almost three years without getting some form of exercise.<br /><br />I also had major issues with drinking water. My throat was so sore that swallowing was extremely painful. The only beverage I could drink without discomfort was hot tea. <br /><br /><strong>A new week</strong><br />This morning I woke up and was able to breathe, my sinus headache was gone, and my sore throat is only sore from coughing, a huge improvement. And when I cough, it doesn't feel like chunks of my lungs are being ripped out. I feel human and normal and alive. It is a wonderful feeling. <br /><br />The damage from six days of not paying attention to what I was eating:  a five-pound gain. From 177 to 182. Yikes!<br /><br />Today I'm back on the straight and narrow. I've eaten very healthy today, but I'm under my Points. I've had 24 Points and should have had 29 (and only two fruits). For some bizarre reason I'm just not hungry. Perhaps stuffing my face for six days has something to do with it. I don't believe in eating when you're not hungry. As someone who is always hungry, I'll take advantage of this while I can. I'm sure it won't last.<br /><br />I made it to they gym this afternoon. I was really anxious to get back. It was difficult with a lot of burning in my lungs, but I managed 15 minutes on the crosstrainer for my warmup, 30 minutes on the StairMaster (which just about killed me!), and a good upper body strength workout for 40 minutes. It was hard, and it hurt, especially my lungs, but it felt great to be exercising again.<br /><br /><strong>What I learned</strong> <br />I learned something about myself this week. For several years I've said that I could easily become one of the super obese, weighing in excess of 500 pounds and becoming a bed person. I was almost halfway there at 240 pounds.<br /><br />I have major food issues, and I thought my compulsion with food could overtake me at any time. I would be one of those people that would never leave my home. I'd be in the news when I died and they had to cut down the walls of my home to get me out. <br /><br />I realize these are horrible thoughts and no one in their right mind would think this could really happen to them. Whether or not I'm in my right mind is always up for debate, but I really did believe this about myself. I knew if I let my guard down, that is exactly how I'd wind up. <br /><br />Today, while I was on the StairMaster and my lungs felt like they were on fire, I thought that it's probably unlikely that I will let myself get totally out of control with food for any length of time. I'm not saying that it couldn't happen, but I am saying that if it's within my power, I won't let it happen. I like feeling alive.

Returning to the land of the living

The past weekIt was a very bad week. My cold that started on Monday knocked me flat for almost six days. I basically became a bed person. I was living on NyQuil, and totally not paying attention to what I was eating. Of course, I didn't see the insid…

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