How did I let this happen!? 197.0

The post below "Happy to be home" was suppose to have been published last night but I guess I forgot to hit the publish button.<br /><br />Yesterday when I weighed in first thing in the morning I was 196.2. This morning I was 197! What the heck is happening?! I thought I ate carefully yesterday, but I didn't write down anything. I guess I ate more than I thought. I slept horribly last night, tossing and turning, waking up several times. <br /><br />Seriously, I really can't believe I let this happen to myself. I'm almost up to 200 pounds. I feel awful, mentally and physically.<br /><br />I went to the gym this morning, 30 minutes elliptical (thought I was going to die!), and 40 minutes weights. Looking at myself in the gym mirrors was pretty horrifying. I kept asking myself over and over, why did you do this to yourself? My face looks distorted, and my body looks like I'm wearing a fat suit.<br /><br />There's really not much to say about the situation I got myself into with my weight. I'm going to have to work really hard to get it off again. It's sort of like my worst nightmare is coming true. Now I'm awake and I'm living the nightmare of obesity, again.<br /><br />My plan today is to document every bite I eat. A very boring task, but it's the only thing that works for me.  <br /><br />I'm off to work now, as soon as I find something to wear. Finding something that fits is going to be challenging. The size 16's in my closet are probably going to be really tight. Letting this happen to myself was probably the most unkind thing I could do. If I didn't know better, I would think that maybe I hate myself. Why else would I chose to make myself so miserable?

How did I let this happen!? 197.0

The post below "Happy to be home" was suppose to have been published last night but I guess I forgot to hit the publish button.Yesterday when I weighed in first thing in the morning I was 196.2. This morning I was 197! What the heck is happening?! I …

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Disaster Averted!

I've been meaning to do a review of this cool little device I purchased a little over a month ago called the <a href="http://mytrak.com/">MyTrak</a>. Well, perhaps because of this neglectful attempt of a review, the <a href="http://mytrak.com/">MyTrak</a> decided to take a hike from my hip!<br /><br />As I was standing in the Metro station yesterday waiting for the train, I touched my hand to my hip - a customary practice of mine since wearing the <a href="http://mytrak.com/">MyTrak </a>- I'm constantly checking it to see if I've achieved "green" for the day (more on this in another post). My heart dropped when I realized it was gone.... Shoot! This little baby cost me over $150 (by the time you buy it and the membership - it's a pricey investment). Honestly, I figured I was screwed and I immediately accepted that the <a href="http://mytrak.com/">MyTrak</a> was gone - what is the sense in worrying about it? Yes, it cost me a pretty chunk of change, but this strange calm came over me. Normally my blood would immediately start boiling over and the "Pritt" would come out (a play on my last name - i.e. the term we use when my father gets upset!) Still, it could be ANYWHERE - panicking and letting this ruin my day was not going to help. Also, I didn't feel like leaving the station to go retrace my steps - I just accepted that it was gone. I'd figure out how I was going to move on from it later.<br /><br />As I boarded the train, I began thinking about when I last remembered having it. I knew I had it around 2 PM yesterday, but I had been all over the office between 2 PM and 4 PM by the time I left for home. I figured I'd just let it go and look for it in the office Wednesday morning when I got in. Then, I quickly remembered that the cleaning crew comes in at night, and I didn't want it getting taken or thrown out by one of them. I immediately called and texted 3 of my coworkers to check the area around my desk and our conference room. Low and behold my friend Sarah found it! THANK YOU JESUS! I will never neglect you again my little, pink computer on my hip!<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.seo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Thankful-.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="http://www.seo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Thankful-.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.seo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Thankful-.jpg">Courtesy</a></td></tr></tbody></table>Disaster averted, and the little lady is back with me today, snug against my hip once again. Phew! I need to get insurance on this thing - is that even possible?<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAfNXrUov7vdO-rc1oRoqDUo0oZj6oCowlFMHTnueuwB6goCwx3SSCQ8zdceJvQ4YTst2py-xdnrSGutsPmfVpfPx-HMzdX8Bj8jpZkSJHsmCr-7jHiQXsky_-wk-6iZa8Ta3ZFK6oPb4/s1600/mytrak.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAfNXrUov7vdO-rc1oRoqDUo0oZj6oCowlFMHTnueuwB6goCwx3SSCQ8zdceJvQ4YTst2py-xdnrSGutsPmfVpfPx-HMzdX8Bj8jpZkSJHsmCr-7jHiQXsky_-wk-6iZa8Ta3ZFK6oPb4/s320/mytrak.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />Today is my second weigh in <a href="http://the-big-weight.blogspot.com/2011/07/living-life-making-friends.html">since going back to Weight Watchers meeting</a>s. I don't like weigh in's with clothes on... and at the END of the day, instead of the beginning! But I can't exactly strip down to my birthday suit for the meetings ;)... clothes it is!<br /><br />While I'm still considering Friday's to be my official weigh in day (with Joel and on our home scale), I like the idea of having the WWM in the middle of the week to help keep me accountable. It's like a little pick-me-up to keep me on track until Friday. I am definitely looking forward to another fulfilling meeting tonight.<br /><br /><i>As a side note, I'm still continuing my cooking challenge at a rapid pace - I've been cooking and baking through 2 of my cookbooks like a crazy woman. And while this blog is for me to work through my weight loss issues, the recipes I post are for the audience in case you want to try them out on your own. Are you even interested in seeing the recipes I make, or should I just post pics and not the recipes? Do you even care about the food at all? Let me know your thoughts - I enjoy constructive criticism! </i>

Miscellaneous Random Weight Loss Thoughts Weight Watchers Disaster Averted!

I've been meaning to do a review of this cool little device I purchased a little over a month ago called the MyTrak. Well, perhaps because of this neglectful attempt of a review, the MyTrak decided to take a hike from my hip!As I was standing in the…

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Happy to be home! Not happy to be 196.2.

Vacation? Not really. <br />I'm back from vacation in Alaska. Actually, I'm not sure I'd call it a vacation. It was more visiting family, something I wouldn't recommend doing for twelve days without a break.<br /><br />I love my sister and we get along great. We can talk for hours about everything and about nothing. It's the rest of the family that was kind of driving me a bit nuts after a while. My three nieces and their husbands and children, and their children's children.<br /><br />My 21-year old great niece has a three-year old. I love and adore both of them, especially the three-year old. The three-year old, Layla, decided to make me her best friend. I know this because she told me, "Aunt Diana, I've decided I want you to be my best friend." Layla speaks in complete sentences with an amazing vocabulary, and I could understand every word she said (she turned three two months ago). Even though she was a lot of fun, and I was amazed at her intelligence (you can't imagine how many times I said "is she really only three?!), she wore me out!<br /><br /><br />One day Layla told her grandmother (my niece) the following: "Grandma, you are fat, fat, fat!". Of course everyone attacked Layla and told her that was very rude. She said she was sorry. I didn't hear about this incident until later in the day when my niece told me about it and how much it hurt her feelings. Layla was sitting on my lap. Layla said to me, "But I said I was sorry!" I told her that when you say something mean to someone, even though you tell them you're sorry, it still hurts the person. Calling someone fat isn't nice, and it hurts the person. You don't want to hurt people, do you? She said no. Then I looked at her and said I know you're only three, but I know you understand me. She looked me in the eye, and said, "Yes, Aunt Diana, I understand you. I'm sorry, and I won't do it again". She really is only three, but not too young to learn that words hurt.<br /><br />It was constant motion and constant conversation for twelve days. As a result, I'm exhausted. It was fun, but it was also stressful at times. Family dynamics can be complicated. I love them all, but I'm very happy to be home, 1500 miles away from them.  <br /><br />About the weight...196.2<br />You read the number right, it's not a typo - I weighed 196.2 this morning. Because of all the kids around at my sister's house, there was a lot of kid-friendly food. Cookies, candy, ice cream. All the things I love. A cookie for Layla, a cookie for me. Ice cream for Layla, ice cream for me. A few pieces of candy for Layla, a few for me. She was my eating buddy. She was also a ball of energy, constantly in motion, and tiny. I was a couch potato except for the three days I managed to go to the gym.<br /><br />This recent weight gain is depressing and it hurts. My body is achy and I feel like a big, fat cow. Please don't leave a comment that it's okay and that I'm not fat and shouldn't be so hard on myself. I am huge, and I need to be hard on myself. <br /><br />Today is day one of being back on track. I know the drill. Exercise and reduced food intake and of course, no sweets. It's hard to get back on track. Once I start gaining weight, I can't seem to stop eating. It's a vicious cycle. On the other hand, I know it's not impossible. I've done it before, I can do it again.<br /><br />One day at a time, right?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">For some reason, I didn't take very many pictures this trip. I just wasn't in the  mood. I can't publish this and not post a picture of Layla. She's the little one in the picture below. You can see why I fell in love with her. The others are her mom, the gorgeous 21-year old Joanna, and one of my great nephews, Robert (he's nine and every picture I have of him has his eye's closed) and another great niece (from New Jersey), Cassie, she's 10. And if you're wondering, Layla is named after the Eric Clapton song, Layla.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_iI1jFTKFTJ40u9S0hIAJJDZ121VqUWfDSJYAhVUdrcBYtLJIl2CgLtWNffgwurBcGVPO-tgGKo-Q5dpBps05cIu0Yn7GjyPug2ALYtD-rb-GDH5vcJ4ir8TYdhAIw_71vxMuTOEpcDg/s1600/family.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK_iI1jFTKFTJ40u9S0hIAJJDZ121VqUWfDSJYAhVUdrcBYtLJIl2CgLtWNffgwurBcGVPO-tgGKo-Q5dpBps05cIu0Yn7GjyPug2ALYtD-rb-GDH5vcJ4ir8TYdhAIw_71vxMuTOEpcDg/s400/family.png" width="347" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> A post about Alaska isn't complete without a picture of a moose. This was taken from the living room window at my sister's house. One of my niece's husbands and I spent an afternoon after this picture was taken cutting brush and branches out of trees so you could see the river better (and the moose). Hard work! I think I saw at least ten moose while I was there. I sort of lost count, but there were a lot of them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM_wIG1fcFQErChFeoB_Rh_SPBhYHjyqTLH-K1OK11D6hS_nrZa8fE8U4jczwdHDIl8R-lgF3-XCwqk2K4BcVdMXEY6FkDXHUjalzjcHe5MIaX3k2oX4Lfy-4u0XftGmdZr_EMk87xnK8b/s1600/Moose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM_wIG1fcFQErChFeoB_Rh_SPBhYHjyqTLH-K1OK11D6hS_nrZa8fE8U4jczwdHDIl8R-lgF3-XCwqk2K4BcVdMXEY6FkDXHUjalzjcHe5MIaX3k2oX4Lfy-4u0XftGmdZr_EMk87xnK8b/s400/Moose.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>

Happy to be home! Not happy to be 196.2.

Vacation? Not really. I'm back from vacation in Alaska. Actually, I'm not sure I'd call it a vacation. It was more visiting family, something I wouldn't recommend doing for twelve days without a break.I love my sister and we get along great. We can t…

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