My secret

I may lose a few followers over this post, and some of you may not like me anymore, but here it goes....<br /><br />I know why I ate like a woman possessed last night. I even knew when it was it was happening why I was doing it. <br /><br />My best friend knows some things about me that very few people in this world know. They're dark, ugly things. Things I wish had never happened. <br /><br />About two years ago I met someone online. A man. A funny, witty and charming man that lives in a far away city. Emails were exchanged, online chats started, then there were the phone calls, lots of phone calls. I've never met this person in real life, but I thought I was falling in love with him. It became an online affair. <br /><br />Some people don't believe having an online relationship is cheating in a marriage, and they think no one will get hurt. If that's what you think, you're wrong on both accounts. <br /><br />My marriage was going through a rough patch at the time. After almost a year, my husband found out about the other man by reading my emails, but he didn't know the emotional attachment I had establish with this person. We talked about divorce and went to marriage counseling. <br /><br />I saw a therapist on my own and told her everything. She told me I needed to come clean and tell my best friend and be accountable to her. If I felt like calling the other man, I was suppose to call my best friend. The therapist also told me I have extremely low self-esteem (I really didn't need to pay her $150 an hour to find that out...I already knew.). <br /><br />A little about my best friend. I've known her for twenty years. She's the kindest, sweetest, funniest and most moral person I've ever known. She's not a prude nor is she judgemental. She's what you would call "good people".<br /><br />When I'm with her, I can't stop laughing. Last night I laughed so hard I was crying and my jaw hurt. She's a very strong Christian, but she doesn't shove it down my throat. She doesn't just talk the talk, she walks the walk. I've always wished I was more like her. I love her to pieces and consider myself blessed beyond words that she's my best friend.<br /><br />When I told her my secret about a year ago, she reacted just as I suspected. She was shocked, but kind and supportive. I told her things I haven't told anyone. It was embarrassing, but it was a relief.<br /><br />The last year I have slowly been trying to pull myself away from the man that I was so totally infatuated with. Because of the emotional attachment on my part, I couldn't just stop cold. I don't blame him or hate him for any of the emotions or feelings I've gone through. It was all my own fault. I pursued him, and he reciprocated. He's not a bad person, and neither am I, but we did some bad things.<br /><br />The phone calls have stopped completely, as well as the online chatting. The emails are fewer and farther between, and these days they're always initiated by me. I think he's moved on to greener pastures, which is good for both of us.<br /><br />I often wish I could have amnesia for that part of my life. I wish I could forget. It was against everything I believe in. It hurt my husband, it hurt my best friend and it hurt me. The other man, I don't think he really cared about me or even notices I'm gone. I was a slight diversion from his daily life, that was all.<br /><br />I'm just starting to get back to being myself, to being a wife to my husband, a friend to my best friend. I've been in a strange, and often scary place for almost two years (my crazy period started in April 2008).<br /><br />Last night my girlfriend kept saying over and over, "it's so wonderful to have you back! It's like you died and have been resurrected!" She must have said this at least a dozen times at dinner. I know she meant to make me feel happy, to feel loved. Instead I felt embarrassment and shame.<br /><br />She said it was just like when her sister was addicted to prescription drugs and disappeared out of her life for about a year. Even after her sister went to rehab and kicked her habit, it was about another year before she was back to being her old self. <br /><br />When my girlfriend kept telling how happy she was that I was back, I kept thinking about where I'd been for so long. My dark secret still haunts me. I still feel bad about it. Last night I ate, and ate, and ate some more. I'm not much of a drinker, and I don't do drugs. I eat. <br /><br />If you've read this far, you're probably thinking I've totally misrepresented myself the past two years. You're right and you're wrong. Even though I did things I regret, I'm still the same person. <br /><br />I'm the girl from Alaska that grew up on a homestead in the middle of nowhere. I was brought up in the Baptist church, I know right from wrong. I believe in God and in his divine forgiveness. I had the best parents and best family anyone could be blessed with. I'm married to a man that still loves me in spite of all my flaws. <br /><br />I'm still the same woman struggling day after day with her weight. Speaking of weight, I feel like one has been lifted off me by sharing this with you, my dear readers, my friends. You know me a lot better now, maybe this explains some of my eating issues. I just hope you don't hate me.

My secret

I may lose a few followers over this post, and some of you may not like me anymore, but here it goes....I know why I ate like a woman possessed last night. I even knew when it was it was happening why I was doing it. My best friend knows some things …

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Be a STAAR - Help the Interviewer do a Better Job and Stand Out

I’ve been interviewing people for all kinds of positions for the past 25 years and rarely do I see anyone really prepared to answer a “Targeted Selection” question. A “TS” question differs from the standard fare of "what would you do" questioning. TS questions ask you to provide detailed information rather than share your feelings. For example, most untrained interviewers, who are wearing the interview hat for a half-an-hour or so and who aren’t professionally trained interviewers, may ask you something like, “Tell me <em>how</em> you’d handle…[fill in the blank]?” Perhaps...“Tell me how you’d handle a difficult situation.” My answer to them would be, “Tell me what you <em>want</em> to hear and I’ll say it!” This kind of interviewing benefits neither the interviewer or the interviewee. <br /><br />Burn this acronym into your mind: “<strong>STAAR</strong>.” STAAR stands for “<strong>S</strong>ituation OR <strong>T</strong>ask” – “<strong>A</strong>ction” – “<strong>A</strong>chievements AND/OR <strong>R</strong>esults.” A <em>trained</em> interviewer will ask you what are known as “behavioral questions.” They are designed to get you to answer with facts and details. They seek to answer all elements of the STAAR question. They don't elicit your “opinion,” but rather seek out the facts and details of something that DID happen rather than what MIGHT happen.  It gives interviewers a much better understanding on how you WILL handle a situation and it gives YOU a better opportunity to show what you’ve got to offer the organization! It will also make you stand out among your competition who most likely will fall into the, “This is HOW I would handle it” trap. Facts vs. feelings. Which would you prefer to tell your story?<br /><br />Even when you get (about 80% of the time you will) an untrained interviewer who asks you “feeling-based” questions, you’ll be prepared to give real-life examples instead  You'll have facts, figures, dates, names, times, etc. to paint your pictures and fill in the STAAR. At the end of the interview the interviewer will have pages of specific information to share with the hiring group about you and only a few notes on the "feelings" of those who were ill-prepared to answer STAAR questions with details. Burn this into your mind: <strong>Past behavior predicts furture performance</strong>.  If I'm interviewing you, those specific details will tell me how you <em>will</em> perform in the future.  I don't need to know, nor do I care about, how you <em>think</em> you will perform.<br /><br />If you’re asked a question like, “Tell me how you’d handled a tough customer” instead of trying to create an example and think on-the-fly you should have already anticipated this question and, if you’ve practiced, you will be prepared to give a “STAAR” answer. If you’re asked that kind of question you should respond with something like; “That’s a good question. Let me give you an example of a situation that recently happened. One of my customers called me with a complaint about our price [The SITUATION]. I asked him to tell me why he thought our price was too high [The ACTION – ASKING FOR DETAILS - PROBING]. After he explained I shared our value statement and statistics on our high service levels from recent customer surveys. I asked him if he gets the same high-level of service from his other vendors and if he was happy with our service. He said our service, "is the best." He also said it takes a long time to get a call back from our competition. I asked him to compare our service with the competitor’s and he said ours was ‘superior.’ He said he, "loves our service." I then compared our prices to the competition’s and when he saw it side-by-side [ACTIONS – SHOWING] he said the price really wasn’t that much of a difference and he also said its worth the smaller premium to get the great service I, and the company, provide him. When I asked about continuing our relationship he even increased his last order!” [RESULTS]<br /><br />Do you think the interviewer got the information they were looking for? Of course they did. If they got a “feeling” answer it was going to be just like the other 50 “feeling answers” the other 50 job candidates gave. Your STAAR answer will stand out. YOU, the candidate, helped the interviewer find what they were looking for and it not only benefited the interviewer, but you the candidate.<br /><br />The key to being successful in and interview is to understand the specifics of the jobs you’re applying for <em>prior</em> to showing up for the interview. Anticipate what kinds of questions you may get so you can practice targeted selection answers. Try to have a STAAR answer for every question regardless of whether they ask for results or your feelings. If you can not use each of the three components of the STAAR then it’s incomplete and invalid data. <br /><br />Master this and you’ll shine like the STAAR that you are!<br /><br />By Bob Kinnison.  Kinnison has more than 25 years of professional sales, sales training, management, interviewing and recruiting experience and authored the book "Interview Experts."  He is currently working on his new book, "What Are You Selling?" which provides help on better communication for both your professional and personal life.<br /><br /><a class="addthis_button" href="http://addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&username=rockfordlink"><img alt="Bookmark and Share" height="16" src="http://s7.addthis.com/static/btn/v2/lg-share-en.gif" style="border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" width="125" /></a><script src="http://s7.addthis.com/js/250/addthis_widget.js#username=rockfordlink" type="text/javascript"></script>

Be a STAAR - Help the Interviewer do a Better Job and Stand Out

I’ve been interviewing people for all kinds of positions for the past 25 years and rarely do I see anyone really prepared to answer a “Targeted Selection” question. A “TS” question differs from the standard fare of "what would you do" questioning. TS…

Read more »