And the crash...

Should have seen it coming I suppose.  Not having a good day :-(

I'm home with a sick kid today which is making it easier but probably worse. 

This is all new to me and it didn't happen the way it's supposed to or at least how I thought it should.  I've learned a lot about subspace now and that's what it was.  Some more memories came to me in little flashes almost and aside from time I have it all pieced together.

I was at a point where if there was a safeword, it would've been on the tip of my tongue.  I could have stopped it.  I didn't want to.  I am so starved for attention and affection and really it was fun and just didn't want it all to stop... didn't want to ruin the mood and be without for god knows how many weeks or months.

It wasn't pain that did me in.  It was pleasure.  Unbearable pleasure.  I need a bit between orgasms to recover, to come down from it.  He usually lets me.  That night he didn't, either he was so self-absorbed he didn't notice what was happening or didn't care that I needed a couple seconds or just got stuck in a more-is-better attack.  And I suppose it would've been fine if it was just a couple but this wouldn't stop.  It was too much.  I don't even know how many.  It was one giant one that wouldn't stop and just kept growing.

I had to make it stop... then I suddenly didn't care anymore.  The sex didn't feel good or bad. It was just happening.  My whole body felt great.  It was just weird.  I pondered whether I was going to die.  I was a little concerned about my well being but the funny thing is I didn't actually care.  I didn't care about anything.  I was just an observer.

So there you go, those that asked, that's what it was.  Was it absolutely amazing, incredible like you read about... no, not for me, not this time.  But I wonder, next time maybe I won't be so focused on the state of life/death and maybe I'll be a lot farther over the edge and it'll be really enjoyable.  This was not bad or good.  It was interesting and something I want to experience better.

But fuck this is a bad day.  And maybe if I saw it coming it would've been easier.  But I recognize this damned mood for what it is and know it'll pass.

I'm freezing.  I'm sleepy.  I cried for a long time and think I'm done with that but tears keep welling back up.  I'm lonely.  Just want to snuggle with somebody by the fire with some hot chocolate.  Don't care that it's 70 out lol.

Updated ---- A nap and a quick jog have me doing much better.  Not fantastic but okay.  I'm sure it'll be okay tomorrow, or at least be back to my normal moody self lol

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Posted by: Tukiyooo And the crash... Updated at : 10:38 AM

Tuesday, October 29, 2013