Save me from myself

It's been a long couple days with work stuff and i had to take a class yesterday and today for my state licensure.  Yesterday I got to come home to an empty house, had time to chat with a friend and decompress before they got home.  Today I wasn't so lucky and walked into the heart of a tornado of chaos.

My adhd medicine wears off mid-afternoon which is fine.  Sometimes though the time release doesn't work right and I crash hard.  This might leave me headachy and tired, or like today the tiniest thing sets me off into a big ball of anger.

Not that any of it was a tiny thing, my husband and children were coming at me from every angle assaulting me with questions and well just bothering me!

So i threw a tantrum.  There's no other word for it.  Stomping feet and slamming doors and yelling at everybody.  I'm not proud of this but it's what i did. 

Kids are long since off to bed and hubby's out at a game.  I'm just here alone.

I'm really sad because I royally screwed up.  i was awful to everyone.  I wish somebody could just save me from me.  I wish i could just have a hug (IRL lol) or maybe hubby could say something or do anything to snap me out of it while I'm being like that.  And it's not over for us, this will fester and blow out of control again in a few days.  We've talked about that, he's not interested in giving me attention if i'm being or was being difficult.  It frustrates the crap out of me.  Even if he doesn't want to help me, or make life more pleasant for him, i just don't see why he doesn't want to help his kids grow up with a better mom.  It's hard not to compare my relationship with those of friends and what you read.  Kind of depressing, really.

A friend did something for me yesterday that was really sweet and took so much effort but i wasn't as appreciative at the time as I wish i was... dunno just feel bad.

Friends had a baby last night and i didn't stop to see the little guy.  I had plenty of time while i was being all crazy and now i can't.  And i didn't call.  They go home in the morning and I can visit this weekend... just not the same. 

So all in all i've just been a bad person today.  Really really disappointed in myself.  Tomorrow's a new day though, just gotta keep my chin up until he gets over it. 

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Posted by: Tukiyooo Save me from myself Updated at : 7:36 PM

Thursday, September 19, 2013