Hola…I mean...Hello.
Luis Guerrero here, and I want to say something.
Thank you America for welcoming me into your somewhat warm and embracing, yet sometimes cold and snowy country, which I hate.
The snow and the cold that is, not the country.
After several years of working hard, paying taxes, receiving no benefits, and living on a prayer and a Green Card, I took my citizenship test in July, had my citizen induction ceremony yesterday, and am now proud ‘Merican.
I know right?
You thought I simply tried to escape the hunger and empty dinner table of Mexico, by traversing hundreds of mile of desert, and all the while evading Border Patrol Agents and ne’er do wells, in order to simply come here to rape your pearly white daughters, illegally siphon off of your unending stream of goodwill, and raise the political capital of one Canadian-Born Cuban, U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX).
But no…This is not the case.
You see?
I came to ‘Merica to escape the poverty of my land…to realize that I can work and gain reward…to know that I don’t have to look over my back to see if a pissed off drug cartel guy, with gun in hand, is looking at me “funny.”
I came to marry a lady and have a happy, not so worried and not so hungry life with kids, cookouts, and parties once in awhile.
I came here as a hard worker who just wanted an opportunity. ‘Merica is all about that, and she has given me my opportunity, and I will not let her down, because I won’t let myself or my family down, but let me tell you…
Now that I am ‘Merican, I have put in for a two weeks vacation. As an ice delivery guy, I may or may not get to your place of business on time, and…
There will be a ten minute break between every ten ice bags I put into your cooler. The new helper, with far less seniority, demands it. And really? Who am I to judge?
Drive-By Mikey and Matt-Man may make fun of my new, slower process to filling their Ice Machine, but that’s because they we’re born with silver Ice Machines in their mouths, and I?
I was born with the deadly taste of the Chupacabra within my thirsty and hungry mouth.
I had to cross a desert twice and put up with INS for ten years in order to fill the Beer Mine's goddamn ice machine.
If either of those bastards had to walk a mile in my shoes, you know what they would say?
“Ewwwww, ouch, ouch, the hot desert sands of death are too much for my fragile feet. I guess I’ll just live here in a life of squalor and crime.”
Coños!! Er sorry…Pussies!!
Sorry…Sorry…I get off course. Here’s the deal.
After ten years of paying my dues, and paying my taxes, I am ‘Merican. I am not stealing your job or your hope. I am living the life of a guy who loves his wife, his kids, and the chance of a better life here in ‘Merica.
And…Now that I am a true ‘Merican and have official seniority, it would be sweet if my route was changed, and I would no longer have to deliver ice to Mike and Matt again.
¡Adiós! And God Bless 'Merica!!
Luis Guerrero…’Merican
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page
Luis Guerrero here, and I want to say something.
Thank you America for welcoming me into your somewhat warm and embracing, yet sometimes cold and snowy country, which I hate.The snow and the cold that is, not the country.
After several years of working hard, paying taxes, receiving no benefits, and living on a prayer and a Green Card, I took my citizenship test in July, had my citizen induction ceremony yesterday, and am now proud ‘Merican.
I know right?
You thought I simply tried to escape the hunger and empty dinner table of Mexico, by traversing hundreds of mile of desert, and all the while evading Border Patrol Agents and ne’er do wells, in order to simply come here to rape your pearly white daughters, illegally siphon off of your unending stream of goodwill, and raise the political capital of one Canadian-Born Cuban, U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX).
But no…This is not the case.
You see?
I came to ‘Merica to escape the poverty of my land…to realize that I can work and gain reward…to know that I don’t have to look over my back to see if a pissed off drug cartel guy, with gun in hand, is looking at me “funny.”
I came to marry a lady and have a happy, not so worried and not so hungry life with kids, cookouts, and parties once in awhile.
I came here as a hard worker who just wanted an opportunity. ‘Merica is all about that, and she has given me my opportunity, and I will not let her down, because I won’t let myself or my family down, but let me tell you…
Now that I am ‘Merican, I have put in for a two weeks vacation. As an ice delivery guy, I may or may not get to your place of business on time, and…
There will be a ten minute break between every ten ice bags I put into your cooler. The new helper, with far less seniority, demands it. And really? Who am I to judge?
Drive-By Mikey and Matt-Man may make fun of my new, slower process to filling their Ice Machine, but that’s because they we’re born with silver Ice Machines in their mouths, and I?I was born with the deadly taste of the Chupacabra within my thirsty and hungry mouth.
I had to cross a desert twice and put up with INS for ten years in order to fill the Beer Mine's goddamn ice machine.
If either of those bastards had to walk a mile in my shoes, you know what they would say?
“Ewwwww, ouch, ouch, the hot desert sands of death are too much for my fragile feet. I guess I’ll just live here in a life of squalor and crime.”
Coños!! Er sorry…Pussies!!
Sorry…Sorry…I get off course. Here’s the deal.
After ten years of paying my dues, and paying my taxes, I am ‘Merican. I am not stealing your job or your hope. I am living the life of a guy who loves his wife, his kids, and the chance of a better life here in ‘Merica.
And…Now that I am a true ‘Merican and have official seniority, it would be sweet if my route was changed, and I would no longer have to deliver ice to Mike and Matt again.
¡Adiós! And God Bless 'Merica!!
Luis Guerrero…’Merican
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page
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Luis Guerrero is the Statue of Liberty!! Updated at :
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Thursday, August 15, 2013
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