Holaaaaaaaaa y’all! As you might have heard President Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had lunch today at the White House. Well, as always, Matt-Man and I were there to snoop around and find out what they talked about. Because we are White Ninjas (according to Jo Seaquist at least) we were able to get pretty close and listen in.
Who needs drones and NSA data mining and shit like that when you’ve got a lot creep to ya? Anyway, he’s a rough transcript of their conversation …
Barack Obama: So nice to see you again Hillary!
Hillary Clinton: Thanks so much for inviting me to lunch!
BO: You and Ruth Bader Ginsburg are the only women Michelle will let me have lunch with.
HC: I should have had a similar rule with Bill.
BO: Oh well, live and learn I guess.
HC: Of course, I didn’t care enough to even bother.
BO: Are things going to get awkward?
HC: Nooooooooooo …. Not at all.
BO: Good because it always does with Bill.
HC: I know how he wears his emotions on his sleeve.
BO: And leaves his “emotions” on blue dresses! Hey-OOOOOO!
HC: HA! Good one!
BO: 15 years later and Clinton jokes are still hilarious.
HC: Yeah, that’s great isn’t it?
BO: Okay, enough of that. Let’s have lunch.
Hillary Clinton: Thanks so much for inviting me to lunch!
BO: You and Ruth Bader Ginsburg are the only women Michelle will let me have lunch with.
HC: I should have had a similar rule with Bill.
BO: Oh well, live and learn I guess.
HC: Of course, I didn’t care enough to even bother.
BO: Are things going to get awkward?
HC: Nooooooooooo …. Not at all.
BO: Good because it always does with Bill.
HC: I know how he wears his emotions on his sleeve.
BO: And leaves his “emotions” on blue dresses! Hey-OOOOOO!
HC: HA! Good one!
BO: 15 years later and Clinton jokes are still hilarious.
HC: Yeah, that’s great isn’t it?
BO: Okay, enough of that. Let’s have lunch.
HC: Great idea! I’ll have a large pizza.
BO: Okay, I’ll have a HUGE chili cheese hot dog!
HC: Damn, you go wild when Michelle isn’t around.
BO: Hey now! I wear pants in this family.
HC: Yeah, tell me another one!
BO: No really! If Michelle were here I’d have the same thing.
HC: You sure talk big. Too bad you never back it up.
BO: I don’t think that was necessary.
HC: You’re right. I’m sorry.
BO: And it’s not true either.
HC: Okay, if you say so.
BO: *stares* I do say so.
HC: *rolls eyes* Let’s just move on, shall we.
BO: You’re flying pretty high in the polls these days.
HC: I’m looking pretty good.
BO: Of course what goes up must come down.
HC: Just ask Anthony Weiner!
BO: HEY-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!
HC: That poor dumb bastard.
BO: I’m just glad I told the NSA not to open an attachment sent by him.
HC: I did … uuuch! No warning at all.
BO: He sent you a dick pic?
HC: Subject was “Standing tall in support of you!”
BO: That’s not all that creative.
HC: It wasn’t standing that tall either!
BO: HEY-OOOOOOOO! You’re on fire today!
HC: It’s low-hanging fruit! Hahahahahahahaha
BO: Ha! Damn Hillary! I don’t know why nobody thinks you’re funny.
HC: Me either.
BO: So what are you going to talk to Joe Biden about in the morning?
HC: I’m gonna tell him that if he runs in ’16 I’ll cut his balls off.
BO: Oh. That might be why people don’t think you’re funny.
HC: *shrugs shoulders*
HC: I’m looking pretty good.
BO: Of course what goes up must come down.
HC: Just ask Anthony Weiner!
BO: HEY-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!
HC: That poor dumb bastard.
BO: I’m just glad I told the NSA not to open an attachment sent by him.
HC: I did … uuuch! No warning at all.
BO: He sent you a dick pic?
HC: Subject was “Standing tall in support of you!”
BO: That’s not all that creative.
HC: It wasn’t standing that tall either!
BO: HEY-OOOOOOOO! You’re on fire today!
HC: It’s low-hanging fruit! Hahahahahahahaha
BO: Ha! Damn Hillary! I don’t know why nobody thinks you’re funny.
HC: Me either.
BO: So what are you going to talk to Joe Biden about in the morning?
HC: I’m gonna tell him that if he runs in ’16 I’ll cut his balls off.
BO: Oh. That might be why people don’t think you’re funny.
HC: *shrugs shoulders*
The rest of the lunch was boring policy talk and something about using the NSA data mining technology to help Hillary in her campaign in 2016. I didn’t really understand it. Anyway, that’s all I could write down before a couple of Secret Service assholes made us leave. I guess the 1stAmendment doesn’t apply at the White House!
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President Obama and Hillary Clinton Do Lunch, and IWS is There Updated at :
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Monday, July 29, 2013
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