Salutations and a joyous and effervescent day after Monday to all of you most well perusers of the IWS blog web.I am IWS staff medico, Dr. Rajiv Rawalpindi, here with an update on the adorable yet less than affable, personage called Schmoop.
I witnessed her in my office yesterday at the fifteen minute interval that follows the ten o’clock hour of AM.
On the upside, her neon yellow skin tone has salvaged itself all the way down to what a painter would refer to as, a dull ochre, or in my terms, a Cambodian yellow softened a tich by the subtle maize-like sheen of Guamanian pigment.
Medicinally speaking, this is much above average in its goodness.
Anyhoodle…
The day before the one in which we are currently residing, I explained to Schmoop the vastness and invasiveness of the acts I shall perform upon her with stealth, acumen, and a very pointy scalpel on a day in December numbered the 14th.
I put her at ease as I told her that her surgery will transpire at the half past seven hour of AM which means instead of anesthesia she can just be euphoric from the fact that she won’t encounter heavy Columbus traffic on her sojourn over here.
Ha Ha…I jested with her. That is the nugget of my charm that excoriates me to others, but I digress, and need to allow myself to task to you what is at hand.
Schmoop’s bile duct is plugged. Plugged tight. In fact, it is plugged so tight that I can’t see if the pluggage in question is cancerous or not until I rip her open and take a look see.
Man, this entire thing is going to take a goodly amount of time and labor. Schmoop could be on the bed of operations for three to seven, sixty minute periods. Do you realize how many Indians are born every three to seven sixty minute periods?
Enough Indians to fill every God Damn call center in the world and still have ranch hands available to wash every God Damn sacred cow in in the Punjab region. Wait? Where I was? Oh…Schmoop…She will remain mostly fine as we seize the maleficent intruder from her sexy, even at the age of two score and six, nubile body. I shall not let you lovers of Schmoop cascade downward in your mood from up.
That is where we stand erect at this point. Myself and arraignment of medicinal cohorts will do all we can to make Schmoop whole again even though we will be removing vital organs.
That’s right IWS fanaticals…Even though she will actually be half the person she was prior to surgery, she will be more complete, or as Matt and Jay say…or something.
Annnnnnd….After her post-operative stay of 7-10 days, Matt-Man may very well have her home for your traditional war on holiday known as Christmas.
If that doesn’t put a smile on your Christmas tree, my name isn’t…
Dr. Rajiv Rawalpindi
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Monday, November 19, 2012
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