Chris Christie on BridgeGate...Yes I Did It!!

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK2SyYNM5vlVE4DD6KL0LGJSlbjoVS5l4lHH8Z8LAw8Hritwd_Fx24C5JbNl6HPlSKkKRSDznt5UnwtyMdw6g86NQDaI5KJTLzDhZ-eixQ8BjeeR-TJKN3gmLRiDYscH-3frSiylc8D75W/s1600/Chris+Christie+Mad+Bridge.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK2SyYNM5vlVE4DD6KL0LGJSlbjoVS5l4lHH8Z8LAw8Hritwd_Fx24C5JbNl6HPlSKkKRSDznt5UnwtyMdw6g86NQDaI5KJTLzDhZ-eixQ8BjeeR-TJKN3gmLRiDYscH-3frSiylc8D75W/s1600/Chris+Christie+Mad+Bridge.jpeg" width="400" /></a>Happy Friday to all of you IWS Radio fans.  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie here to guest write on the <br />monumental pages of the IWS website.<br /><br />Seems that Matt-Man watched my entire Sen. Ted <i>“I’m One of the Few Gay Men in Texas”</i> Cruz length press conference that I held yesterday and called me shortly afterward, to berate, belittle, and beseech me to be myself, and tell the truth.<br /><br />Well, thanks to the, “Come to Jesus” phone conversation we had…yeah, a phone call…I no longer like e-mails, y’know Ha!!…Matt-Man convinced me to come clean, and as he put it in lingo I can understand, said…<br /><br /><i>“You fucking pussy, Scots-Irish, self-proclaimed Sicilian badass, you…tell the truth and quit being such a fucking Mary.”</i><br /><br />He’s right, and today?<br /><br />I am here to tell you…I did indeed orchestrate this entire bridge closing thing, but not because I’m a bully, which I’m not; nor is it because I am a politician with high aspirations, which I am…<br /><br />It’s because I am at the very heart, soul, and core of my being, a speculative ironic comedian, and my ironic humor is lost on people.<br /><br />Hell, this entire humorous bridge closing caper that left Ft. Lee, NJ. an island unto itself, and left a soon to be dead woman…well dead, was thought of because my now unemployed Deputy Chief of Staff Bridget Kelly’s name is, BRIDGEt.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBHMoIgrPcCqP-RSzRtGgN7b6UskNiLjTx6KmDYnvNEtyy86KK5oqpNV561Ujhn84cHQrZdbw3s3_Zv7aa691szGKGNMkyBONJUxnIuMaL5m-rNhemDLjbt_J4XkeR_IcsqFxvpfKEKRM0/s1600/Chris+Christie+Bridget+Kelly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBHMoIgrPcCqP-RSzRtGgN7b6UskNiLjTx6KmDYnvNEtyy86KK5oqpNV561Ujhn84cHQrZdbw3s3_Zv7aa691szGKGNMkyBONJUxnIuMaL5m-rNhemDLjbt_J4XkeR_IcsqFxvpfKEKRM0/s1600/Chris+Christie+Bridget+Kelly.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />Ha…Was that fact lost on you non-ironic picking up motherfuckers?  Holy Cow people, I even have a daughter named BRIDGEt for God Sakes, could we pay attention to my humor, please!?<br /><br />As for Ft. Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich? Don’t you people see the statement I was making with my bridge closing to Ft. Lee?<br /><br />Mayor Sokolich is of Serb-Croat descent and I was, for a short time, dividing up New Jersey into isolated and autonomous principalities, just like when Yugoslavia broke up.  I was ironically, and whimsically making the ungrateful bastard feel at home. And what do I get?<br /><br />Heartache and disrespect!!  I swear to God; if Rodney Dangerfield was a Governor, he’d be me.<br /><br />You know, people give me shit for being anti-gay marriage to an extent.  Do you not see the humor in that? Have you people seen my wife?  She’s a man, Baby!!<br /><br />Do you think that happens by accident?  Hell NO it doesn’t; I meticulously plan these ironic events and punch lines of life.<br /><br />I am sooooooo wayyyyyyy fucking ahead of the general population, humor wise!!<br /><br />Do you think I am fat because I’m just fat because of an uncontrollable urge for delicious, deep-fried food? Hell no…I worked on that as well, you know why?<br /><br />When some asshole state legislator approaches me and asks…<br /><br /><i>“Hey Governor Christie, shouldn't you like…um…work a salad into your diet?”</i><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzCrrMpn_tHNIRxSm4qNW97nALMiuh5yjWGQJddkivHKZ3zEEnKXgBvkKP77mBFFd2zZRb6OZBTYtObkn0btIrr8ffuaiJ0kUSciqOdodDKtj3xvctLedBTyX20-FNE4Of448MJxVn4Sd7/s1600/Chris+Christie+Asshole+Bully.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzCrrMpn_tHNIRxSm4qNW97nALMiuh5yjWGQJddkivHKZ3zEEnKXgBvkKP77mBFFd2zZRb6OZBTYtObkn0btIrr8ffuaiJ0kUSciqOdodDKtj3xvctLedBTyX20-FNE4Of448MJxVn4Sd7/s1600/Chris+Christie+Asshole+Bully.jpg" width="400" /></a>I respond by saying…<br /><br /><i>“I would, but I have eaten so much of your wife’s pussy that I don‘t have room.”</i><br /><br />Ha!!<br /><br />See?  See?  I <i>am</i> dynamic, ironic, and funnier than fuck, and you guys?<br /><br />Well…you just don’t get it, and that hurts to some extent, but hey…<br /><br />I’ll live to joke another day, because, well…that’s what I live for…to make people smile, laugh, and who knows?<br /><br />Maybe instead of being elected President in 2016, I’ll get a late night comedy show called, <i>Bridge-It With Chris Christie.</i><br /><br />I’d like that, now…<br /><br /><i>Thanks, and go fuck yourselves.  Ha!!  I meant that ironically!!</i><br /><br /><i>Gov. Chris Christie</i><br /><br /><a href="mailto:mattman@ymail.com">mattman@ymail.com</a><br /><a href="https://twitter.com/MattMan_IWS" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">@mattman_iws</span></a><br /><a href="https://www.facebook.com/mattmaniws" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">My Facebook Page</span></a></div>

Chris Christie on BridgeGate...Yes I Did It!!

Happy Friday to all of you IWS Radio fans.  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie here to guest write on the monumental pages of the IWS website.Seems that Matt-Man watched my entire Sen. Ted “I’m One of the Few Gay Men in Texas” Cruz length press confe…

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