Backstory & Update

So i've realized that there have been quite a lot of changes since i started this blog about a year ago or whenever it was.  Yeah, I deleted most of it lol.  But i know some of you have been here since the beginning while others have no clue.<br /><br />The big big picture background is that i grew up in NY and I was a wild child.  I had hands-off parents.  I was shipped off for close to two years just before I turned 14.  Upon return, i rarely went home and pretty much had to figure out meals/clothes/sleeping arrangements on my own.  If was trouble to be found, i was in it.  Now i've got eyes and a smile that could get me out of anything and i managed to get through without a criminal record lol.  My husband was raised extremely conservatively in the south, going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, very involved (overbearing) parents hovering over the four kids. Now he's not a prude so don't think that, not in the friggin slightest!  He's extremely set in his ways, i guess you'd say.<br /><br />So put us together and i had to clean up my act so as not to scare him.  I played much more innocent and proper than i was, gosh i still do!  It came out in time to some extent.  Not stories or explanations, he puts his foot down and doesn't want to hear it.  Just one liners like "one time at band camp..." only it's not at band camp.  <br /><br />We've lived together for over 13 years now.  He still doesn't know what's going on inside my head.  I've tried to let him in and he doesn't want to.  As much as it hurts, I have no choice but to respect that.<br /><br />I have needs.  And I assume if you're reading this that you also have needs somewhere along these lines, or at least understand that these needs i have are actual needs.  In my perfect little world, the answer to everything i need is a full time D/s relationship, and a pretty hard core one at that.  It goes so deep as having a need to be micromanaged throughout the day.  I need to be reeled in.  I'd rebel and fight back, i'm sure.  I honestly relish the feeling of being told what to do and i despise having to figure out what to do next.  Then there's the spanko needs.  And the almost violent sex needs.<br /><br />I knew that would be far too much for hubby to stomach, so it had to be toned down.  I stumbled upon DD.  I thought this would be the answer, finally got the nerve to bring it up, and was shot down.  In no uncertain terms will this ever happen.  I think the funny part of that is he did latch onto a few things - though he denied it having anything to do with DD - and that is i have a bedtime and I'm not allowed to say bad words.  Not that he'll do anything about it, but i do get the look of death if i mess up there. Other times he'll randomly pick something that he doesn't like and deal with it "effectively" as he puts it, i call it sarcastic and more mean than anything... but i don't want to discourage him either so i accept his ideas of effectiveness.  And I do admit, even though it leaves me feeling horrible it does work.<br /><br />Our sex drives are severely mismatched right now.  When we met, I could hardly keep up with him.  That was a few times a day, anywhere in the house, middle of the night, middle of the day, inside outside upside down, in the public, in the truck, on the boat, at a party... Never, ever did i tell him no.  Now that I'm mentally at that place, he's more in the 1-3 times a month range.  I'm not allowed to initiate anything, he'll either go stone cold or get away.  So i patiently wait.<br /><br />But when we do, THAT is where a huge change has happened.  He's very take chargey and pushing me and pulling me this way or that and really feeding that fire.  And it's during all that playing that i can get my couple little spanks.  Well, they're not little, he lets me have it but they're individual spanks. So while i like it, it's not coming anywhere close to appeasing that little monster inside me.  And truly, i sorta think that this whole thing is making my fantasies get darker and possibly leaving my needs less met than before.  Like the last couple times I couldn't cum until he had his hands around my neck with all his weight squashing my entire body.  I'm the type who can cum from imagination alone, it doesn't take much... gosh even a sneeze once did it lol<br /><br />So that's where we are as a couple.  Where i am personally, perhaps i'll feel more comfortable sharing that at some point... I guess in a nutshell that i've found somewhat of an outlet or way of comforting some of these needs a bit. (no i'm not sleeping around)

Backstory & Update

So i've realized that there have been quite a lot of changes since i started this blog about a year ago or whenever it was.  Yeah, I del...

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