Darned if I do, darned if I don't

I still haven't responded to the emails and comments but know that I did read them.<br /><br />I know, I know, I know....  Yes, that was my little talking hand too.<br /><br />I sucked it up yesterday and went to one of those warehouse club places and got a massive amount of milk, OJ, cheese, etc.  Not sure why I was so drawn to refrigerated items but that's what I did.  Other than bread, everything was perishable.  It was 96-degrees.  Loaded up the car and drove to pick up the kindergarten kid from school, who was  MIA as usual.  Sat in the parking lot waiting and waiting, watching sweat bead off the food.  I could've dropped it off before getting her but my own abandonment issues refuse to let me leave her until one of the last kids.<br /><br />Enter house with now lukewarm stuff, load up fridge, get kids changed and sunscreened, then off to swim lessons.<br /><br />Then the nasty storm hit extremely suddenly, no warning unless you'd been staring at a weather radar.  Bright sun without a cloud in the sky turned black with massive straight-line winds in a matter of about two minutes.  The pool was evacuated and an interesting drive home with commuters and every traffic light out, all the while being pummeled by branches and dodging trees down across roads.<br /><br />Power was out at home.  Happens often enough.  Only it didn't come back this time. Still no power in the morning.  Cell tower finally got power before I left so I could at least use that.  Woke up late, scrambled to get Thing1 to school, then they said they had no power either.  At least highs are in the 70's today so no AC is okay.<br /><br />I know we are lucky.  I often feel guilty about what a spoiled brat I am.  My house is standing, no trees through our roof, we have all the genuine necessities in life and lots more.  But dammit, this sucks!  At least when hurricanes are coming, we can prepare for a week without power.  This was out of nowhere.<br /><br />Nothing to do but lie naked in bed.  Lord knows we can't have a conversation.  My nook battery is shot so can't use it without being plugged in.  And I hate it so plan to get a kindle instead of a new battery.<br /><br />He wanted sex.  I didn't.  I tried.  It wasn't happening.  I said I wasn't ready.  I said it hurt.  I could've <i>made</i> him stop but didn't. I wanted to want it.  He didn't say anything.  Few minutes later, it's over, he's asleep and I'm alone again.  Just wanted to be close.  It's hard to go from the best sex of my life to the worst. Literally.  Only thing I got out of it was a battered cervix. Yes, it still hurts.<br /><br />Back to the food that I finally got.  Our fridge has something wrong with it so we often lose all the food to freezing solid or getting too hot.  I stopped nagging to get it fixed a few months ago.  I stopped complaining about the cost of wasted food too.  Hoping it'll become a priority to him soon.  Problem is, it's a fairly new fridge that's just out of warranty.  Very digital and can't just pop out a part to fix it.  Expensive.  Yeah, so is food.  Well, it was in a warm phase yesterday.  I added a ton of room temp food to it.  Then the power went out.  I pulled out milk for breakfast this morning and the kids said it was hot and funky tasting.<br /><br />So, despite my good effort, we are again without food.<br /><br />He's a good man, really he is.  He works hard, day and half the night to provide for us.  I hate badmouthing him.  It just feels so horrible right now. <br /><br />And I realized this morning that I'm depressed.  Not sad, but I believe clinically depressed.  Maybe that's why I don't care anymore.  Just want somebody to make it better.<br /><br /><br />

Darned if I do, darned if I don't

I still haven't responded to the emails and comments but know that I did read them. I know, I know, I know....  Yes, that was my little ...

Read more »