555

Tonight I watched the new A&E show, Heavy. Most of the reviews I've read by other bloggers weren't very positive, but I liked it. I wouldn't call it entertainment because it was difficult to watch. It wasn't really educational either because I already know how to lose weight. Yet I was compelled to watch it.<br /><br />There was a woman that weighed 278 pounds and a man that weighed 555 pounds. I identified with the man because of his weight. I'm positive I have the propensity to weigh 555 pounds. My husband, friends and relatives all tell me I'm crazy to say I could weigh over 500 pounds. They really don't know me. They can't grasp how I view food. They don't understand the ongoing battle in my head about eating.<br /><br />This is a conversation I had last night with my husband, Jack.<br /><br />Me:  Do you ever eat just because you're bored or lonely or sad, but not really hungry?<br />Jack:  No. I eat when I'm hungry. Why would I eat if I wasn't hungry?<br />Me:  To make yourself feel better?<br />Jack:  How would eating food when I'm not hungry make me feel better?<br />Me:  I don't know. I was just wondering if you've ever done that before.<br />Jack:  No. Never.<br /><br />No one really knows me when it comes to food. Not even the man I've been married to for almost 23 years. Most people in my life don't understand that I often eat when I'm not hungry. It just doesn't make sense to the normal person. I use it as a way to deal with stress and unpleasantness in my life. If I actually ate when I wanted, I would most likely be eating non-stop. It's a scary thought that I could very easily lose control with food.<br /><br />I just have to take this a day at a time and continue the fight. 555 is a scary number and it's one I hope I never see.

555

Tonight I watched the new A&E show, Heavy. Most of the reviews I've read by other bloggers weren't very positive, but I liked it...

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Secular Humanism Is Impossible: Does The Soul Exist? What's At Stake?

Secular humanism is impossible.<br /><br />Well maybe not. There may be a way to get there that I don’t know. But I say “it is impossible” to draw attention to a massive contradiction, a huge crack in the foundation, of contemporary atheism.<br /><br />The problem arises if we start with the amateur philosophy currently being attempted by some biologists. They have presented arguments against the existence of God that I addressed somewhat in my previous post “Belief vs. Unbelief: Cleaning Up the Playing Field.” These biologists are eager to reduce reality to a mechanical material basis as opposed to a personal spiritual basis. That is understandable because they want reality to fit the language they speak, to fit the methods of inquiry they use. It is extremely inconvenient for those whose language has no word for “snow” and whose field of inquiry is the Sahara desert to consider that something such as snow might also be real. To be fair, the biologists’ discipline has been under attack by fundamentalists for decades. The shouts of the fundamentalists echo in biologists’ ears, so they are – perhaps understandably -- responding to those shouts rather than to the softer voices of a reasonable faith.<br /><br />But here is the contradiction for a secular humanism that relies on the work of these biologists to deny God: the same biologists are equally committed to denying the existence of the human soul. This much is consistent. If the universe is devoid of meaning, value, truth, beauty, goodness, and spirit, then humankind as a part of that universe must be equally worthless. They argue that our religious sentiments, along with our feelings for each other, our appreciation of art, and our moral values are all just bio-chemical processes. They assert that, although I may think that I love my family, my feeling for them is just a set of biochemical processes triggered in my brain when I am with them. It doesn’t really mean anything about our relationship. Philosophers call that kind of argument “reductionism” – saying that something we generally regard as significant is actually insignificant. Please understand, I am not saying all biologists are reductionists. Quite the contrary. Francis Collins, for example, is one of our foremost bio-geneticists and a defender of faith in the midst of science.<br /><br />The result of reductionist reasoning – which I intend to challenge – is that humanity is no more important than anything else. Consciousness does not matter. Sentience does not matter. Our capacities for philosophical interpretation, artistic expression, and most certainly religious intuition do not matter. The content of our minds – hopes, dreams, aspirations, compassion, etc. – are of no importance since they are just bio-chemical processes. Herein lies the contradiction for secular humanism, which makes an ultimate value of humanity, something science has proven to be worthless.<br /><br />Do human beings matter? Does life have value? Is our presence on this globe is of any importance? These are large questions. I would hold that we can have value only if value itself is possible. Linguistic philosophers would call that “a necessary truth.” It has its own internal logic. Human life can be meaningful only if the universe as a whole is meaningful. Given that any individual life is brief, and the universe will outlive our species, it is very difficult to make a case that a life has lasting meaning unless it is part of a larger meaning, albeit a mysterious one.<br /><br />But for now, I will limit this inquiry to the reductionist scientists' main point of attack – the existence or non-existence of the soul – which they rightly see as connected to the existence or non-existence of God. Again, they have found that our thoughts and feelings correspond to demonstrable bio-chemical processes. Therefore, they reason, the soul is a mumbo-jumbo hoax.<br /><br />Their point calls for two basic responses. The first is to challenge their philosophical interpretation of their findings. (One can be a perfectly adequate scientist without being particularly adept at philosophy of science, just as one can be a fine athlete without being a terribly astute analyst of the sport for TV commentary. The biologists might be as adept at philosophy and theology as philosophers and theologians would be at biology.) The second is to ask what we mean by the “soul” since the thing they claim does not exist may not be what we mean by the “soul” anyway.<br /><br />First, let’s look at their interpretation of the demonstrable fact that thoughts and feelings correspond to bio-chemical processes. The bias of reductionists is to construe this correspondence in terms of a materialistic (stuff that has a chemical composition is real; things that do not have a chemical composition are not) mechanical (cause and effect relationships like billiard balls or falling dominoes, as opposed to personal interaction like people dancing) explanations.<br /><br />However, even the staunchest atheist philosopher, David Hume, said that such causation is merely a hypothesis. Mechanistic cause and effect of the sort the reductionists assume is philosophically questionable, to say the least. And the greatest skeptic of all time, Renee Descartes, would have pointed out that the observations of their experiments and certainly the interpretation of their findings are merely descriptions of the bio-chemical processes in the brains of the reductionist scientists. Their own observations and interpretations, are by their own admission, mere bio-chemical processes occuring inside thier own skulls. The biologists have no basis for claiming objective truth for their own biochemical processes that deny the truth of someone else’s experience. (A case of needing to take the plank out of one's own eye.) Everything they observe may well be, as the Vedic philosophers would have put it, “a dream in the mind of God.” I do not accept the views of Hume, Descartes, or the Vedantists. I merely note the huge mountains the reductionists have ignored rather than climbed over.<br /><br />To put a point on the issue of causation (which is the basis of the reductionist argument): If two things happen together, how are we to say which has caused the other? If I am in a room that is 95 degrees and begin to sweat and so remove my sweater, what would the bio-chemical analysis say? It would say my bio-chemistry caused the room to become hot. Take for example two lovers: did their inner biochemistry cause them to love each other or did their love affect their biochemistry? Is it a new or surprising discovery of science to say that my heart beats faster when I see the one I love? Does my pulse rate cause the feeling of love or did my feeling of love affect my heartbeat?<br /><br />My challenge to the biologists’ materialist/mechanist leap of faith is this: Suppose two people feel kindly toward each other, admire each other, and remain devoted to each other’s well being. A musical composer might observe them and write a sonata to express the relationship of these two people. That would be a spiritual way of expressing what is happening. The composer would see the dynamic between the two people as essentially personal and relational rather like music. The reductionist scientist would observe the same dynamic and describe it in terms of bio-chemistry, thus reducing their relationship to the material and mechanistic.<br /><br />Ah and who wins? Obviously the biologist, since scientists are the high priests in our time. (Who ordained them?) They have the greater authority. (Who gave it to them?) But wait. What about the physicists? Are not the very molecules the biologists study made up of atoms and the atoms of sub-atomic particles? According to the physicists, these atoms and sub-atomic particles are not behaving like a material mechanistic reality. Rather, they behave personally and relationally. According to the physicists, these two people, at their most basic “material” level, are quite spiritual, and their connection to each other appears to be an expression of their essentially spiritual nature. (See e.g., Tervethick, “Quantum Spirituality”; Winter, “Paradoxy: Spirituality In A Quantum Universe”; Aaron, “A New Reality: A Wakeup Call To Life’s Mysteries”; Zukov, “The Dancing Wu Li Masters”; Capra, “The Tao Of Physics.”)<br /><br />It seems that any event may have layers of interpretation: spiritual, then material, then spiritual again, and so on – a vertiable parfait of interpretation -- as if perhaps spirit and matter are inter-related, as the scientist theologian Pierre Teilhard Chardin said and as the doctrines of Incarnation and Sacrament teach.<br /><br />Events are only what they are. True. But what are they? We cannot perceive an event without interpretation. (See Martin Heidegger & Hans Gadamer.) And we interpret through the lens of our own worldview. There is no way out of that for any of us. We can only try to be aware of the subjectivity of the lens through which we look at things. The reductionists who deny the soul, and with it the meaning of life, are the epitome of Eurocentric rationalist arrogance – not in reaching a facile conclusion but in failing to see the limitation of their perspective. This is the attitude that gave us colonialism, with all its barbarous cultural genocide. It is incongruous to see the surge of such arrogant materialist rationalism in the Post-Modern world, which is supposed to be beyond that kind of pseudo-objectivity.<br /><br />Now to the second response: what do we mean by “the soul”? The thing the reductionists purport to have disproven is a non-material vaporous entity that can be infused into a body and slip out of the body. It is ostensibly immortal since it does not die but floats away when the body dies. That may in fact be a common idea of the soul, but is it what Christianity means by the word? Is it what our theologians teach?<br /><br />A bit of history: Various ancient peoples believed similar, though perhaps not identical, things about a life-force that animated living things, especially people. They believed that this life-force came from somewhere before birth and went somewhere after death. We find that belief in ancient Egypt, Greece, India, Ireland, Mesoamerica, and generally around the globe. No one seems to have had a very clear explanation of it, but the belief was important for them.<br /><br />Plato gave the soul real significance in philosophy. He thought that the material world was real only in a secondary, derivative way. The basic reality was abstract. The soul was an abstraction, a spiritual reality which manifested for a time in material form as the body. Plato’s view of the soul influenced Judaism through Philo and it influenced Christianity through Sts. Justin, Augustine, and others. Was he right? I don’t know. But if he was, then the biochemical processes the scientist observes are not an anomaly. They are precisely what Plato meant by the material manifestation of a spiritual reality.<br /><br />If the soul as Plato undertood it is too speculative for you, Christians in the Middle Ages felt the same way. They turned away from Plato toward the ideas of his student, Aristotle. For Aristotle, and then for St. Thomas Aquinas, the soul was not in the least bit spooky. The soul was essentially the blueprint for the body. It was the shape of our material selves. To say that emotions have a physical pattern and form -- the form observed by biologists -- is not to deny the existence of the soul as Aristotle and St. Thomas understood it. Quite the contrary, it is to describe the soul. For Plato, their findings would be the footprints of the soul. For Aristotle and Thomas, they would be a description of the soul itself.<br /><br />There is a third view of the soul, one which I find more helpful than the vague-life force of the Ancients or either Plato’s or Aristotle’s more philosophical descriptions. It is the view we find in several schools of psychology, though it goes by different names. Some psychological schools use the word “soul.” Others call it the Self, the Personal Self, the Core Self, etc. One really needs to have done the exercises of these disciplines -- or even better, to have practiced Buddhist meditation -- to grasp what they mean by Soul or Self. The Soul, in this view, is essentially a capacity to observe the world but more importantly to observe one’s own inner dynamics from an emotionally centered “still point.” UCLA psychiatrist Dr. Daniel J. Siegel describes this capacity in neurological terms that the biologists should be comfortable with. (See Siegel’s books, “Mindsight” and “The Mindful Brain.”) It is this core of our being that does not change. It has the extraordinary capacity to observe the fractured parts of ourselves, each of which has its own neurological hard-wiring. By force of its differentiated observation, it brings compassion and healing. The Soul is not the processes the scientists observe so much as it is another observer of the same processes, but one who watches with a kinder eye.<br /><br />The interesting claim, which I readily grant partakes of faith, is the transpersonal psychologists’ belief that the universe has a Cosmic Self which underlies all the interpersonal dynamics from nations to quarks – and that the Cosmic Self and Personal Self are inextricably connected. (See e.g. Roberto Assagioli, “Psychosynthesis”; Firman and Gila, “Psychosynthesis: A Psychology of The Spirit.”) This Personal-Self-to-Cosmic-Self connection is perfectly consistent with the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas and directly in line with the mystical insights of Lady Julian of Norwich. How ironic that the reductionist scientists have grasped the same point, the same connection. The soul, if it exists, is of God. They have realized that to effectively deny one, you must also deny the other.<br /><br />If, indeed the Spirit of God blows across the deep (Genesis I), that divine wind will not be registered by a meteorologist’s instruments but by a harp. The right tool for the right job, after all.

Secular Humanism Is Impossible: Does The Soul Exist? What's At Stake?

Secular humanism is impossible. Well maybe not. There may be a way to get there that I don’t know. But I say “it is impossible” to draw atte...

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Why aren't employers calling me back?

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://emj.icbdr.com/artieimages/x9/ar5m7l86kdhc56l6qjx9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://emj.icbdr.com/artieimages/x9/ar5m7l86kdhc56l6qjx9.gif" /></a></div>You write a killer cover letter, tailor your résumé to highlight skills described in the job ad and double-check your application before sending to make sure it includes everything the company requested. All that is left to do is sit back and wait for the employer to contact you.<br /><br />But as days turn into weeks without hearing a peep, questions arise. Did they get my material? Has the job been filled? Did they just not like me?<br /><br />Here, experts weigh in on what might be behind that silence -- and what you can do to get the conversation rolling.<br /><br />The reality of the situation<br /><br />Companies truly are glad that people want to work for them. Unfortunately, many places simply do not have the manpower to offer individualized responses.<br /><br />"Given the volume of applications an HR office receives, you should not expect a response beyond an automated 'we received your application' unless they are interested in interviewing you," says Pennell Locey, senior consultant for Keystone Associates, a career management consulting firm headquartered in Boston. "In the event there was no auto-response, you can send a note via snail mail to someone in HR along with your résumé to ensure that they received it."<br /><br />But is there anything one can do besides play the "wait and see" game?<br /><br />"After submitting a job application, it is wise to follow up with a telephone call to the appropriate contact within a week to 10 days," says Mary Massad, vice president of talent acquisition and retention strategies for Administaff, a professional employer organization headquartered in Houston, Texas. "Some individuals might feel that following up may be perceived as being pushy, but this actually demonstrates to the employer that you are conscientious, organized and professional."<br /><br />When following up, Massad recommends asking if the application was received and if any additional information is needed. (Of course, if they didn't get your application, offer to send it again.) "It also is important to restate your interest in the job, but don't be overzealous."<br /><br />Locey suggests trying to stand out from the masses by seeing if you can find a contact at the company who can single you out to the hiring manager and speak to your strengths. "That can be beneficial to you (you may get an interview) and to the company (finding a candidate who someone is willing to vouch for)."<br /><br />The waiting game, part 2<br /><br />Job seekers who are fortunate enough to generate employer interest may feel like their days of waiting are over. In truth, however, an interview (or even two or three) may simply usher in a new era of frustrating silence.<br /><br />According to Locey, if you have interviewed with a company and not heard back within two weeks, chances are that one or more of the following is happening:<br /><br />They are talking to several candidates and it is taking awhile to get them all scheduled.<br /><br />They can't get the interviewers together to discuss the candidates post interview.<br /><br />You are not the first choice but are strong enough that they do not want to say "no" yet.<br /><br />Having talked to several qualified people has changed the hiring manager's view of the job and he is working behind the scenes to upgrade or shift the role.<br /><br />"The best thing you can do is try to set some expectations during the interview about what the company's process is," says Tracy A. Cashman, partner and general manager of the information technology division of Winter, Wyman -- one of the largest staffing firms in the Northeast. "Ask when you can expect to hear if you are selected for the next round. Take that date, add a few days to it and then don't be afraid to politely follow up."<br /><br />Sending a thank-you note immediately after the interview can help set the stage for further contact. Follow-up strategies later in the game may include:<br /><br />Sending an e-mail that reiterates interest and offers to provide any additional information.<br /><br />Finding an article on a topic discussed during the interview and sending it with a note as a way to show you are thinking about the company.<br /><br />Phoning the person who interviewed you to thank her again, to ask if there is an update on the position and to share anything you might have forgotten in the initial interview.<br /><br />While employer silence is anything but golden to an eager applicant, stay positive by remembering that the day will come when the quietness will be broken by the sweet sound of a job offer!<br /><br />By Beth Braccio Hering who researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues for CareerBuilder.com. Follow @CareerBuilder on Twitter.

Why aren't employers calling me back?

You write a killer cover letter, tailor your résumé to highlight skills described in the job ad and double-check your application before sen...

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And Life Goes On..

<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1qC1YRuxNVanzaeuSWp778OgZV0aeMeJHt5wLE18n_bpoejMiEcCy9qkhNvcneTDIODJoTTMto6ypa071hkB5vavsJrr_G-RATsRFIvm3vUGpg1FWVCTkvSiMybPVrTcen6EgC8GGq44/s1600/sad-face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1qC1YRuxNVanzaeuSWp778OgZV0aeMeJHt5wLE18n_bpoejMiEcCy9qkhNvcneTDIODJoTTMto6ypa071hkB5vavsJrr_G-RATsRFIvm3vUGpg1FWVCTkvSiMybPVrTcen6EgC8GGq44/s200/sad-face.jpg" width="181" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://kristylovesherbuccos.mlblogs.com/archives/2010/06/well-that-didnt-take-long.html">Courtesy of here</a> </td></tr></tbody></table>Ick.  There is nothing worse than failing, and this week I <i>accomplished </i>failure!  Last time I checked I didn't see too many people standing in line to brag about how they achieved a failure.<br /><br />I gained more than just a pound this week, despite what the little ticker says.  I gained a little over 2 lbs this week.  BLAH<br /><br />I'm ready for life to start turning around.  I have had about 3 straight years of being in a major slump and I just want it all to end.  If you know me then you know that this slump consists of:<br /><ol><li>My distaste for my job.</li><li>My distaste for the town in which I live.</li><li>My weight.</li></ol>It's simple: happy people are not overweight.  People are overweight for some reason or another.  I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been.  I am embarrassed, frustrated, and sad.  I am embarrassed at my size, frustrated that I cannot seem to achieve substantial weight loss, and sad that I am overweight at age 26.  I did NOT want to be spending my 20s looking like this, and feeling the way I do!  Until next week...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.3fatchicks.net/index11.php"><img border="0" src="http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/tulip-bar/slider-scale/lb/0/95.2/-1.4/.png" /></a>

And Life Goes On..

Courtesy of here Ick.  There is nothing worse than failing, and this week I accomplished failure!  Last time I checked I didn't see too...

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Pink or Blue?

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlwcgCQT8x4dLCrlvM82_rWGFFULM2dUiYf_vcp8GwD-YmKeCT76u9B0KeVKtyDcKhTC2dTBtFu7SDCdare0hceNGK82TaQe9gnDW4_Dn2UQFL9PcRCG8yVdMlHIggz_1hxGOVMtohnyj8/s1600/boy-girl.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5566161500214457234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlwcgCQT8x4dLCrlvM82_rWGFFULM2dUiYf_vcp8GwD-YmKeCT76u9B0KeVKtyDcKhTC2dTBtFu7SDCdare0hceNGK82TaQe9gnDW4_Dn2UQFL9PcRCG8yVdMlHIggz_1hxGOVMtohnyj8/s400/boy-girl.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 243px;" /></a> Today has finally arrived! Kyle & I get to find out whether we're going to bring on the pink or have a mini Kyle! ;) We are so excited!! Our appointment is at 2:30 this afternoon and I can hardly concentrate! I should have scheduled it earlier! <br /><br />So just for fun...what do you think we're having? Boy or girl? All the old wives tales point to girl, but honestly I have no opinion! I'm just super excited to find out!!

Pink or Blue?

Today has finally arrived! Kyle & I get to find out whether we're going to bring on the pink or have a mini Kyle! ;) We are so exci...

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Surviving long-term unemployment

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://emj.cbdr.com/artieimages/7y/ar5m6ks6cn8tfdc6rz7y.gif?time=1/10/2011%202:55:53%20pm" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://emj.cbdr.com/artieimages/7y/ar5m6ks6cn8tfdc6rz7y.gif?time=1/10/2011%202:55:53%20pm" /></a></div>A few years ago, a layoff might have meant a severance package and a couple of months spent looking for a new gig ... a bummer, but for the most part, a conquerable setback. These days, getting the pink-slip may mean sending out résumés and going on interviews for six-months-to-a- year or longer before finding a new job. Of the more than 15 million Americans that were unemployed as of November 2010, nearly 42 percent had been unemployed for 27 weeks or longer.<br /><br />Though long-term unemployment is one of the toughest hands anyone can be dealt in life, there are plenty of people making the most of their bad situations, by concentrating on the still-positive parts of their lives, or by finding new and productive outlets for their energies and frustrations.<br /><br />"At first [after being laid off], I was excited -- I thought it was an opportunity to change careers and start anew," says Donina Ifuring, who was let go from her job more than two years ago. But after months of networking, registering with various employment agencies and sending out 500 résumés to no avail, Ifuring had a change of heart about her unemployment situation. "I started to panic and feel bad about myself," she says.<br /><br />Instead of being consumed by her anxiety, though, Ifuring began to focus on improving the aspects of her life that she could control. "I began to work out diligently every day and got to a very fit level. I also read a lot more, took walks to get out of house and started a paint project. I hadn't painted for over 20 years," she says.<br /><br />Experiencing happiness and success in other areas of her life gave Ifuring the confidence to make a big career move. "I decided in the summer of 2010 that it was time to launch my business and to stop being afraid. I felt like the timing was right and that all things pointed to me being an entrepreneur," Ifuring says. "Do I want to find my dream job? Not anymore. I think my 'thing' is entrepreneurship. I am excited, nervous and free all at the same time."<br /><br />Like Ifuring, many people who have spent months in the job market with little success are turning to entrepreneurship -- whether in the field they have experience in or something totally new -- as a way to regain power over their careers.<br /><br />"I've been out of work approximately three years now," says Jim Corr, who worked as a sales trader at Lehman Brothers for nine years before the bank's 2008 collapse. After searching for work for years, Corr, too became discouraged. "I learned that it certainly isn't easy to find your way into a different career path once you've gone down one road long enough. I've tried to stay positive with the support of my family, new spouse and baby."<br /><br />Eventually Corr, too, decided act on an entrepreneurial idea he had. He "invented a new way for athletes to hang the medals they receive in competition," and his company, MedalEdge was born. "My advice to others that are getting discouraged is that the corporate road ain't what it used to be. The movie 'Office Space' really nailed it. And having your own business isn't easy either, but at least it's yours," he says.<br /><br />Yet starting a small business isn't a right for everyone -- there's a lot of time, money and risk involved. For those who haven't been bitten by the entrepreneurship bug, here are the top coping strategies of other long-term job seekers.<br /><br />1. Consulting: Consulting is a great way to eliminate a gap in your résumé and develop your job skills while looking for full-time work. "Through LinkedIn, personal networking, and 'volunteer' consulting, I've been able to maintain a reasonable flow of work," says John Clouse, a former professor who was laid off in 2009. "I'm now finishing a six-month contract and am starting a new five-month contract in January."<br /><br />2. Volunteering: "I help others by volunteering when I can. I have all this time in my life now since it's not easy finding a new position. I can help people who are less fortunate then I am," says Leslie Jacobs, who has been unemployed since August 2008.<br /><br />3. Pursue a passion: If you're not one of those fortunate people who can count their work and their lifelong passion as one, you may have had to put an activity you love on the shelf while working a hectic full-time schedule. Now that you have some extra time on your hands, use it as a chance to reconnect to your talents and hobbies. Who knows? You may even discover a whole new career path.<br /><br />"To process fear and uncertainty, and to stay positive I create and market original music, [that focuses on] empowered action, hope, peace and spiritual love," tells Rosemarie Ashley of SassyAlternativeMusic.com. "I've seen much (non-monetary) success with professional Internet and on-air radio play, indie artist chart placements, fantastic comments and collaborations with musicians internationally. Many people have said the music I make touches their heart, reassures and motivates them. I've learned that I have a powerful effect with my written, spoken and lyrical words. In the music I make, I encourage everyone to find and pursue their passion, even during the darkest of times."<br /><br />4. Exercise: Regular exercise provides numerous benefits the long-term unemployed. Besides the obvious health benefits, achieving fitness goals can help reinstate a positive self-image and boost self-esteem. Additionally, exercise releases "feel-good" endorphins, making it a great way to combat the job-search blues and frustrations that every job-seeker is bound to experience at some point.<br /><br />No matter how you choose to cope with long-term unemployment, remember that nothing beats persistence and a positive attitude. "We all feel like giving up sometimes," Ashley says. "That is the most important time to keep fighting to control our thoughts and actions."<br /><br />By Kaitlin Madden who is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow @Careerbuilder on Twitter.

Surviving long-term unemployment

A few years ago, a layoff might have meant a severance package and a couple of months spent looking for a new gig ... a bummer, but for the ...

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Déjà vu...January of last year...

I'm working from home today and just pulled a notebook out of my bookshelf to use for writing down some notes. I flipped it open and there, dated <u>January 24, 2010</u>, I had written the following:<br /><br />Day 1 - January 24, 2010 - 179.0!<br /><br />* Do NOT screw up today. I work out so hard, I don't want to waste all that work for nothing. Remember, food is <u>not</u> comfort!<br /><br />This notebook actually has the first date in it of April 8, 2005. I weighed 220 pounds. It's kind of sad to go back and look at five years of me trying to lose weight, succeeding, then failing, over and over again. I feel sorry for this woman. <br /><br />I really feel like I'm living that movie, Groundhog Day.

Déjà vu...January of last year...

I'm working from home today and just pulled a notebook out of my bookshelf to use for writing down some notes. I flipped it open and the...

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Are men smarter than women when it comes to weight loss?

I've noticed men rarely talk about their feelings on their weight loss blogs. Generally, men don't talk about comforting themselves with food or stuffing down sad feelings with food. I wonder if they even think about a connection between food and feelings.<br /><br />Men don't talk about the self-criticizing voice in their head, constantly spewing out mean comments about themselves. Do they even have this voice, telling them they're fat, ugly and stupid? That they have big thighs and a saggy tummy. No, I don't think so.<br /><br />With most women, including myself, it's an entirely different story. We constantly analyze ourselves, we try to figure out why we overeat and how we can overcome it. We talk about our emotional relationship with food and how it affects us. We talk about shutting down the mean voice in our head.<br /><br />I can't recall of a single man writing the kind of things that women write about on weight loss blogs. Men are pretty straight forward about it, eat less, exercise, drink water, lose weight. For them, it's a very simple formula. None of this nonsense about about food and feelings or self-loathing. <br /><br />Overweight men don't seem to have body image issues either. I know this from personal experience with my own husband. He needs to lose fifty pounds, yet he thinks he's just as sexy now as when I met him (when he weighed fifty pounds less). He thinks nothing of walking around the house buck naked regardless of his weight. It would never occur to him to be embarrassed by his body. I can't relate.<br /><br />I can't help but wonder if maybe the men are right. Maybe all this self-analyzing, all this worrying about how my body looks, and trying to figuring out what makes me eat is really just a total waste of my time. As I wrote yesterday, I really don't like the hard work of feeling all the sad shit that's happened in my life. Who wants to go back down that road? Not me. <br /><br />Maybe men really do have the answer. Eat less, exercise, drink water, lose weight. I wonder if they know something we don't.

Are men smarter than women when it comes to weight loss?

I've noticed men rarely talk about their feelings on their weight loss blogs. Generally, men don't talk about comforting themselves ...

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How can I find real work-from-home jobs?

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://emj.cbdr.com/ArtieImages/1L/AR5M0X66BW0NB763MN1L.gif?time=1/10/2011%2012:03:57%20PM" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://emj.cbdr.com/ArtieImages/1L/AR5M0X66BW0NB763MN1L.gif?time=1/10/2011%2012:03:57%20PM" /></a></div>From parents to retirees to employees fed up with daily commutes, there are many people out there who would like the chance to work from home -- and scammers know it. Christine Durst, co-author of "Work at Home Now: The No-Nonsense Guide to Finding Your Perfect Home-Based Job, Avoiding Scams and Making a Great Living," has found that there are 60 scams out there for every one legitimate opportunity. How can job seekers separate the good from the garbage? Here are a few suggestions:<br /><br />Start with your employer<br /><br />Convincing your current employer to let you telecommute is one of the most effective (and safest) ways to obtain a work-from-home job. When approaching management about the possibility, Durst notes that the number one rule is "Have a plan, not a request. It's important that employees understand that telework must be beneficial to the employer if it is to be accepted." Some of her recommendations for creating a solid proposal include:<br /><br />Drafting an attention-grabbing opening statement.<br /><br />Outlining the benefits to the company.<br /><br />Breaking down your daily tasks and commitments.<br /><br />Proposing a schedule and highlighting your flexibility.<br /><br />Suggesting methods for quantifying your productivity.<br /><br />Reminding your boss what a valuable asset you are to the company.<br /><br />Describing your home-based workspace and equipment.<br /><br />Search as you would for any job<br /><br />Think of looking for a telecommuting position simply as a new job search, just with "home" as the location of where the work will be performed. Search on reputable general and/or industry-specific job boards using keywords such as "telecommute," "independent contractor," "virtual," "remote," "freelance" and "offsite."<br /><br />Just as with commuting positions, many work-from-home opportunities (especially legit ones) aren't advertised. Networking can be critical to finding these openings, as well as for gaining credibility with a potential employer by having someone who can vouch for your abilities.<br /><br />And be prepared to present your qualifications; legitimate employers are out to find the best candidate for their needs. Take some time to research the company and tailor your application accordingly to demonstrate that you're interested in the actual career opportunity, not just working from home.<br /><br />Play detective<br /><br />"There are definitely some red flags that job seekers need to consider to determine if a home-based job opportunity is legitimate or not," says Sara Sutton Fell, an expert in the job market since she first founded JobDirect (sold to Korn/Ferry International in 2000) who currently runs a job service that specializes in telecommuting and flexible jobs. Questions she recommends asking include:<br /><br />Is the company's name listed in the job listing?<br /><br />Does the e-mail listed match the company's domain (joe@company.com instead of joe@yahoo.com)?<br /><br />Is the job title a real job title, or is it an attention grabber? ("marketing coordinator" is a real job title; "WORK FROM HOME!" is not.)<br /><br />Does the listing sound too good to be true?<br /><br />Are you asked to provide personal identifying information like social security or bank account numbers?<br /><br />Does the "employer" require you to pay to be considered or to apply for the job?<br /><br />Durst adds to be wary of ads that don't ask for a résumé or that claim no experience is necessary. "In the 'real world' all jobs require you do something, so it stands to reason that a legitimate ad will tell you what it is you need to be able to do."<br /><br />Beware of the unsolicited<br /><br />As if by a miracle, an ad for home-based work lands in your e-mail inbox. How could this man from Romania have known you were looking for home-based work?<br /><br />"Miracles do happen, but not via spam," Durst notes. "If you receive unsolicited job offers in your e-mail, it's probably the result of a scammer having 'harvested' your e-mail address from another location frequented by people who are seeking work. Move it to your trash file without using the 'remove me from this list' link you're likely to find at the bottom of the page. These links are often used to confirm that your e-mail address is active, and using them can result in even more spam."<br /><br />Do your homework<br /><br />If you believe you have found something worthwhile, still check it out as much as possible. "The more research you do upfront, the less likely you'll fall victim to telecommuting scams," Sutton Fell notes. Good tips for researching a company include:<br /><br />Looking at its website.<br /><br />Searching for the company name and the words "complaint" or "scam" to see if others have voiced concern.<br /><br />Checking with the Better Business Bureau to see if the company is rated.<br /><br />And if your gut's in doubt, throw the "opportunity" out!<br /><br />By Beth Braccio Hering who researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues for CareerBuilder.com. Follow @CareerBuilder on Twitter.

How can I find real work-from-home jobs?

From parents to retirees to employees fed up with daily commutes, there are many people out there who would like the chance to work from hom...

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Your job loss FAQs, answered

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://emj.cbdr.com/artieimages/b9/ar5m76674q16mjqkx1b9.gif?time=1/10/2011%2011:48:03%20am" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://emj.cbdr.com/artieimages/b9/ar5m76674q16mjqkx1b9.gif?time=1/10/2011%2011:48:03%20am" /></a></div>Questions abound when dealing with a job loss -- or the threat of one. Following are answers to some frequently asked questions about how to handle different aspects of a layoff or firing:<br /><br />Q: My company recently announced that some positions will be eliminated in the months ahead. What can I do to ensure my job isn't one of them?<br /><br />A: Identifying ways to boost the bottom line, promoting your biggest accomplishments and increasing your visibility never hurts. That being said, numerous good ideas or extra hours may not shield your position.<br /><br />The prospect of a layoff can be anxiety provoking, but the advance notice gives you time to increase your job-hunt readiness. Update your résumé, collect your strongest work samples, and make sure you have an up-to-date presence on LinkedIn and other professional networking sites. You also might begin to review job postings and ask trusted members of your network if they know of any opportunities.<br /><br />In short, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Addressing the situation head-on will give you some sense of control over what might seem like an out-of-control situation.<br /><br /><br />Q: I just found out I'm losing my job. I'm shocked and angry because I was given no warning. I'd like to give someone a piece of my mind. At this point, what do I have to lose?<br /><br />A: It's completely understandable that you are upset and scared, but you can't let your emotions get the best of you. Saying the wrong thing in the heat of the moment may only compound your problems -- and potentially do irreparable harm to your reputation.<br /><br />Instead, go into information-gathering mode, listening carefully to what you're being told about the details of the termination. When are you being asked to leave? Is there a severance package? What paperwork is needed to retain health coverage?<br /><br />Take detailed notes and ask questions about anything you don't fully understand in a calm, cool and collected manner. If you need extra time to process information before signing paperwork, request it.<br /><br /><br />Q: I was fired from my job. What do I tell prospective employers?<br /><br />A: There's no need to volunteer that you were fired in your application materials. However, be prepared to talk about the situation tactfully and truthfully in an interview.<br /><br />Displaying bitterness or criticizing your former employer will only work against you. Likewise, misrepresenting the circumstances of your departure can quickly come back to haunt you.<br /><br />You might say something like: "I realized early on that I wasn't the right fit for this particular position and corporate culture. Instead of speaking up and trying to improve the situation, I stayed silent and hoped things would get better. It's not a mistake I'll repeat. I'm looking toward the future and, based on my research of your organization, I'm confident I possess the skills, attributes and values you seek."<br /><br /><br />Q: I've been out of work for an extended period. I feel so frustrated and restless. What can I do to lift my spirits?<br /><br />A: Few things rattle a person's self-confidence like a job loss followed by a protracted job search. In addition to losing a paycheck, your routine and the camaraderie of colleagues, you're also missing the sense of purpose and achievement a job provides.<br /><br />Stay motivated and on track by creating a job-search to-do list with firm deadlines. Bullet points might include, "Send a targeted résumé to XYZ Corp. by noon today," or "Set up coffee meetings with at least three networking contacts by Thursday." Being disciplined and continually reaching small goals helps guard against job-hunt fatigue.<br /><br />Also, remember that prospective employers will want to know how you've spent your time beyond "looking for a job." Attend industry conferences, enroll in relevant professional-development courses, teach yourself a new software program or sign up to perform pro-bono work at a nonprofit organization.<br /><br />Pursuing project work through a staffing firm is another smart way to show hiring managers that you've remained productive and professionally engaged. Temporary assignments allow you to earn money, enhance your marketability and establish connections -- all while having the flexibility to continue seeking full-time employment.<br /><br />Finally, fend off feelings of isolation by staying in close contact with friends and making sure to get out and interact with people every day. The job hunt can be dispiriting; staying busy and setting achievable goals will help you get through this tough time.<br /><br /><br />Robert Half International is the world's first and largest specialized staffing firm with a global network of more than 350 offices worldwide. For more information about our professional services, please visit http://www.roberthalf.com/. For additional career advice, follow us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/roberthalf.

Your job loss FAQs, answered

Questions abound when dealing with a job loss -- or the threat of one. Following are answers to some frequently asked questions about how to...

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Why I'm fat - Part One

<em>I've been trying to write this post for over a week. I would write a couple paragraphs on the topic, read it the next day and delete it. I've done this several times. In an effort to prevent this from being the longest post ever written, I'm breaking it into parts. </em><br /><br />Part One - How I deal with emotional pain<br /><br />The simple answer of why I'm fat is that I eat too much. The not so simple answer is something I've been trying to figure out my entire life. It's about so much more than the fact that I like to eat. There's a reason for my issues with food, and although I think I understand the "why" of my situation, I've yet to figure out how to fix it. Notice I said how to fix "it". I'm finally understanding that it's not really me that needs to be fixed, it's a behavior of mine that needs to be fixed. <br /><br />As a member of the Dead Daddy Club (a phrase coined by <a href="http://gravelandrust.blogspot.com/">Roxie</a>) I learned at a young age how to deal with pain. At barely 13 years old I watched my father die suddenly from a heart attack, at home with just my mother and myself watching helplessly. At the time we were living on a homestead in Alaska in 1968, without a phone and eighty miles from the nearest hospital.<br /><br />After this happened I learned the best way to deal with heartbreak was to a.) pretend it didn't happen and b.) eat your way through the pain. I've used this learned behavior my entire life, every time I'm facing something unpleasant.<br /><br />I've written about this before, it was something I figured out at a Geneen Roth workshop last fall. That workshop was difficult because I had to face some things in my past and my present. Things I'd really rather not think about. <br /><br />That's the problem with me, as soon as I start dealing with something unpleasant, I stop dealing with it. I don't want to go there. I don't want to deal with something that might open up old wounds, or make me face something in my life right now that's unpleasant. If there's any way I can avoid it, I will. What better way to escape than by eating? It's a cheap, legal and short-term fix to shutting down the pain.<br /><br />I'm reading a book, Bob Greene's The Life You Want. It's really no different than the dozens of other weight loss books I've read over the years. Just like the other books, I find myself doing the same thing I've done before. <br /><br />I start reading the book, I get excited because I feel like the author is speaking to me. I completely identify with what they're saying. Then I get to the part, "let's figure out how to fix your problem" . That's when I put the book away. I'm done with it. I don't want to do the hard work it takes to fix it. It's emotionally challenging. It hurts. I'd rather not do it. <br /><br />That's where I am right now. I either do the work or I continue gaining weight until I'm right back at 240 pounds or more. As <a href="http://eating%20disorders%20refer%20to%20a%20group%20of%20conditions%20characterized%20by%20abnormal%20eating%20habits%20that%20may%20involve%20either%20insufficient%20or%20excessive%20food%20intake%20to%20the%20detriment%20of%20an%20individual's%20physical%20and%20emotional%20health./">Grace</a> said in a comment the other day, you can't white knuckle your way through an eating disorder. She's right. <br /><br />Do I have an eating disorder?<br /><br /><span style="color: black;"><strong>Eating disorders</strong> refer to a group of conditions characterized by abnormal eating habits that may involve either insufficient or excessive food intake to the detriment of an individual's physical and emotional health.</span><br /><br />Yes, I have an eating disorder. Now it's time for the hard work.

Why I'm fat - Part One

I've been trying to write this post for over a week. I would write a couple paragraphs on the topic, read it the next day and delete it....

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Let there be light

Yesterday's post was pretty depressing. I almost deleted it when I read it this morning. I guess we all have days where we're a little off (I was way off!). The day actually got a lot better, the sun came out and that always cheers me up. <br /><br />I bought my ankle weights yesterday. The store only had three and four-pound ankle weights. I thought that wasn't going to be heavy enough. I was hoping to buy heavier weights, more like eight or ten pounds for each ankle. I purchased the pair of four-pound weights and headed off to the gym. <br /><br />When I got to the gym and pulled the weights out of the box I thought, wow, this four-pound weight is actually really heavy. Four pounds sounds like nothing to me. Well, it turns out that four pounds on each ankle is really HEAVY! <br /><br />I strapped on the weights and as I walked to the StairMaster I could really feel the heaviness of the eight pounds. It was like walking through mud. I climbed on the StairMaster and had the workout of my life. I did thirty minutes on the StairMaster where I thought I was going to die. Then I did my 45 minutes upper body workout. <br /><br />Again, there were only guys in the heavy weight area. Where are the women? I lift 15, 20, and 25-pound dumbbells, and the Olympic sized barbell without weights (it's 45 pounds by itself - I know because I weighed it on the scale). It's not like these are super heavy weights, but usually I'm the only woman in this area, with a bunch of bulked out guys. I guess I'm use to it but why aren't more women lifting free weights? They all seem to stick to the weight machines. Anyway, just a rant of mine. <br /><br />After the weights I decided to get back on the StairMaster with my ankle weights on. Normally I can never get my heart rate up past 144 for any length of time. Keep in mind, 1.) I'm 55 and 2.) my resting heart rate is 50. Yesterday my heart rate got up to 151 the second time on the StairMaster, and I kept it there for 15 minutes! I hit some sort of weird, sweet spot where it didn't hurt and I wasn't panting like a dog. The sweat was pouring off of me but I was breathing almost normally. I even thought maybe the machines heart rate monitor was broken but my own Polar said the same thing. 151. Really weird.<br /><br />After my workout I was ravenous. My HRM said I'd burned 606 calories and I'd only eaten breakfast and a banana (it was 5pm). I overate on chicken, veggies and fruit. My weight this morning was 180.2. Not what I wanted to see. <br /><br />Today's another day and today I'm back to tracking my food. I haven't tracked for the last few days. Who wants to write down cookies and candy in their food journal? It's embarrassing.<br /><br />My new plan is just that, if I "cheat" and eat more than I should or eat something I really have no business eating, I'll post it in my online food journal and then on here for the whole world to see. I'm deleting the food diary blog. I'll add the food journal pages to the bottom of my post for that day. I don't like having two blogs that need updating every day. Too much work.<br /><br />Okay, so it's a new day, a new me. Let there be light!

Let there be light

Yesterday's post was pretty depressing. I almost deleted it when I read it this morning. I guess we all have days where we're a litt...

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"Who's Crazy Now?" - Noir City 9, Opening Night

<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-JyO4o0Un7rnr0sZ98fRzfqZgm7T1_5crq_G3BROeKC5cLGeW8yMVymdbjpXYATgfsPgLY6qiMPA0K_NYM-QPUPwssh0AiFRWIhvRJBfK7r4toWgV2PWBtuKbhZorGO20FHtlhlJ8wE0E/s1600/strangerfloor%255B2%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="209" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-JyO4o0Un7rnr0sZ98fRzfqZgm7T1_5crq_G3BROeKC5cLGeW8yMVymdbjpXYATgfsPgLY6qiMPA0K_NYM-QPUPwssh0AiFRWIhvRJBfK7r4toWgV2PWBtuKbhZorGO20FHtlhlJ8wE0E/s320/strangerfloor%255B2%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stranger on the Third Floor</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">So…I paid my 10 bucks to park in the lot adjacent to Sullivan’s Funeral Home on Market Street in San Francisco and was heading for the Wells Fargo ATM near 16^th...I checked my phone and noticed a text message…my friend Dick, who I was to meet for dinner before attending opening night of San Francisco’s 9^th annual film noir festival.</span><br /><a name='more'></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I called him to find out where he was…on Castro St. between 18^th and 19^th - also on his way to an ATM. After we got our cash we met at Market and Castro and walked over to Café La Taza on 18^th to get a bite. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">By the time I finished my meal, glass of wine and coconut ice cream-over-a-warm-cookie dessert, it was quarter to seven and time to get to the theater…the line, we knew, would be long…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It was, and with our print-your-own-tickets in hand we got on line and waited for the doors to open. An eclectic crowd, we agreed...a sprinkling of ladies dressed in ‘40’s finery but most in street wear staring into space or talking with friends. Dick and I talked about my godson Nicky who’s thinking of going to his first big music concert, Coachella in April. </span> </div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PpW5ujVWJBHy6MK2okRzdRu4MWpIc_vEQ1SF6ONwb08qEzq5TAFOJPCsKPKqAcqICR-zDyJowWmg_alJ0BsOpZhyphenhyphenlI1Og8HMFm1ARGeGWIXG8r6KCub0fg6cGf5bKy3rG4HHgiwGXQZQ/s1600/castro2%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PpW5ujVWJBHy6MK2okRzdRu4MWpIc_vEQ1SF6ONwb08qEzq5TAFOJPCsKPKqAcqICR-zDyJowWmg_alJ0BsOpZhyphenhyphenlI1Og8HMFm1ARGeGWIXG8r6KCub0fg6cGf5bKy3rG4HHgiwGXQZQ/s320/castro2%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Noir City at San Francisco's Castro Theatre</td></tr></tbody></table> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Once inside we checked seating on the main floor and quickly headed up the steps to the balcony. The Castro has 1,400 seats, so if you get there reasonably on time it’s not hard to find decent seats.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The evening was obviously sold out - the theater filled quickly. Then the lights dimmed, music swelled and we were treated to an intoxicating 6-minute montage created by Serena Bramble featuring clips from the countless noir and neo-noir and crime-themed films set or shot in San Francisco…from <b>The Maltese Falcon </b>to <b>Dark Passage</b> to <b>Vertigo</b> to <b>Basic Instinct </b>and many others in between and beyond…the montage culminated with the greeting, “Welcome to Noir City” and the crowd erupted with cheers and applause…(<i><span style="color: #990000;">watch the montage below!</span></i>)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"> <br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfwVidTYFp0n2UmdaUaspWUqrnKVorFRz6tG9z_vzn3WoLdjBDQocy9IclS-7y_3WijM87COgq1iS3oCv4DWK5mIhRa_WKD5BAb1y9aKPu-DfVw7vPYcoaYhrXZ0LwwFqB7lWskXYl40o/s1600/Castro+exterior+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfwVidTYFp0n2UmdaUaspWUqrnKVorFRz6tG9z_vzn3WoLdjBDQocy9IclS-7y_3WijM87COgq1iS3oCv4DWK5mIhRa_WKD5BAb1y9aKPu-DfVw7vPYcoaYhrXZ0LwwFqB7lWskXYl40o/s200/Castro+exterior+2.jpg" width="135" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Castro Theatre</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial;">Next, Eddie Muller, founder of the Film Noir Foundation, took the stage. After introducing this year’s young and slinky Ms. Noir City, he talked about film noir and about the work of preservation and his passion for it. The first screening of the night, <b>High Wall</b> (1947) is one of three newly restored films to premiere at the festival. The UCLA Film & Television Archive supervised the creation of preservation prints with funding provided by the FNF. Muller thanked everyone for coming - the evening’s proceeds, he said, paid for the restoration of the film we were about to see. Finally, he dedicated the event to his friend, mystery writer Joe Gores, who very recently passed away.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The theme of Noir City 9 is <i>Who’s Crazy Now? </i>and both opening night films reflected that premise in spades…<b>High Wall</b> is primarily set in a psychiatric institution, and <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b> (1940) is about a reporter who suffers a paranoid episode (and fanastic dream) and features an out-and-out madman.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlzWkJ7AsP7bwFoDVq0c6M1EnFWDVib_LDZw8vaajsrhiJup1hSn7rZYV4le17KZ8ZPiq0M_jeBEfycUJ7TeNaoX63N4QAN6Rj6QH-4-1zmn1J7rCAwqoaZgM-4Hy63JtESrH2CC-7Tr6K/s1600/taylor+high+wall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlzWkJ7AsP7bwFoDVq0c6M1EnFWDVib_LDZw8vaajsrhiJup1hSn7rZYV4le17KZ8ZPiq0M_jeBEfycUJ7TeNaoX63N4QAN6Rj6QH-4-1zmn1J7rCAwqoaZgM-4Hy63JtESrH2CC-7Tr6K/s200/taylor+high+wall.jpg" width="185" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Robert Taylor, High Wall</td></tr></tbody></table><h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;">High Wall <span style="font-weight: normal;">stars Robert Taylor, still a major Hollywood star but slightly past his prime at the time this film was made. He and Herbert Marshall do the heavy lifting in this dark confection. Leading lady Audrey Totter was having a big year in 1947 with starring roles in this film as well as </span>The Lady in the Lake,<span style="font-weight: normal;"> and a co-starring role in </span>The Unsuspected<span style="font-weight: normal;">. She’s a little stiff as Taylor’s psychiatrist, but the script doesn't give her much help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Thankfully, Totter’s natural sex appeal manages to peek through from time to time. Herbert Marshall, who often played weak upstanding men, is the villain here. In a part that vaguely echoes his role in Hitchcock’s </span>Foreign Correspondent<span style="font-weight: normal;">, he is one of the strengths in this flawed thriller. To enjoy </span>High Wall<span style="font-weight: normal;">, suspension of disbelief is mandatory…the film is an entertaining snapshot rather than a stark reflection of the dark subtext of the post-war late ‘40s. </span></span></span></h1> <br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR6rxRsDJR_PwoQ1duLml6K4KamMi3uTkxdHMZf3CQt8PCQApp-00qoPSZWBM-R6aWL9e1MfZ7bmBkdk-Y1MgRvlRfcl7uPtQV3pfzLsr34noxsWQi5owKu8U1XVNyjgp3B5-rD6hWNLE1/s1600/160x400%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR6rxRsDJR_PwoQ1duLml6K4KamMi3uTkxdHMZf3CQt8PCQApp-00qoPSZWBM-R6aWL9e1MfZ7bmBkdk-Y1MgRvlRfcl7uPtQV3pfzLsr34noxsWQi5owKu8U1XVNyjgp3B5-rD6hWNLE1/s200/160x400%255B1%255D.jpg" width="80" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laura Ellis</td></tr></tbody></table> <span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Intermission. The evening continued with a performance by chanteuse <a href="http://www.lauraellisjazz.com/home.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Laura Ellis</span></a> who, clad in a gorgeous emerald green figure-hugging gown (think <b>Gilda</b>)<b> </b>crooned a luscious ballad that swept me back several decades to a time before my time. A protégé of <i>The Manhattan Transfer’s</i> Alan Paul, Ellis was a wonderful surprise. Would love to hear her version of “Green Eyes” or “Tangerine” and will be keeping an eye on her tour schedule.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">The evening just kept getting better. Muller returned with the special guest of the night, Judy Wyler Sheldon, daughter of director William Wyler and actress Margaret Tallichet. Tallichet was leading lady of the night's second feature, <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b>. Sheldon, who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and is on the board of the San Francisco Silent Film Society, recounted an anecdote about the first time she saw this film.</span> <br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj15iRTpiUZhc82bZbhY1myKQt6DwAS1xCUnAwYyva67wBno21rQ03GH8Pv-NIddfeaEzF2h-gtpwyw6HTe_V3-vUTzCj4w1LAPeeGPSuqLoHtf8Q7tTNkZgY3iqVmdJ3vzKgzILhTSVf8p/s1600/Wyler+Tallichet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj15iRTpiUZhc82bZbhY1myKQt6DwAS1xCUnAwYyva67wBno21rQ03GH8Pv-NIddfeaEzF2h-gtpwyw6HTe_V3-vUTzCj4w1LAPeeGPSuqLoHtf8Q7tTNkZgY3iqVmdJ3vzKgzILhTSVf8p/s1600/Wyler+Tallichet.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">William Wyler and Margaret Tallichet</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">In the 1970s a small local film club advertised a screening of <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b> and Sheldon decided to attend; she hadn't seen any of her mother's films up to that point. She decided to invite her dad and mom to come along - which they did. As it turned out, the screening was in the home of the club's president and when Judy showed up with not only her husband but her illustrious father and her mother, one of the film's stars, all jaws dropped. She mentioned to the rapt Noir City 9 audience that she hadn't been sure how her father would take <i>not</i> being the center of attention for once, but he turned out to be game and the evening was a big hit. Sometime later Judy Sheldon attended another of the film club's screenings and noticed that the check her father had written to cover admittance had never been cashed but was in a frame on the wall.</span><br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipM_djRDIPqggmhrXVTyZevruFkibEHzcVnkWoVekqyXWQs1csd2E7lYUW9bvKrNNyW1ZYbU0PuJ48W_CNeHp9IZbOUrgpIQnoXYyZ2Xqp9n8rCX9eDX-UbKv_IE73Rsoibz7_zOZnmr2r/s1600/stranger%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipM_djRDIPqggmhrXVTyZevruFkibEHzcVnkWoVekqyXWQs1csd2E7lYUW9bvKrNNyW1ZYbU0PuJ48W_CNeHp9IZbOUrgpIQnoXYyZ2Xqp9n8rCX9eDX-UbKv_IE73Rsoibz7_zOZnmr2r/s320/stranger%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scenes from Stranger on the Third Floor</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><b>Stranger on the Third Floor </b>is a 64 minute "B" effort from RKO. BUT. It has been called America's first film noir for its stylistic elements - highlighted by one fabulous and surreal dream sequence. Art Director Van Nest Polglase was involved in just about every RKO film made from 1931 to 1942...including <b>Citizen Kane</b> (1941). Watch <b>Stranger</b> and <b>Kane</b> - a visual connection is unmistakable. The film also boasts cinematographer Nicholas Musuraca (<b>Out of the Past</b>). While there are recognizable faces in the film (Peter Lorre as "the stranger," Elisha Cook, Jr. as Briggs), the two leads are relatively unknown. Margaret Tallichet made few films and was more occupied with her marriage to William Wyler and their family. John McGuire, who plays the reporter, had bit parts in <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b>, <b>White Heat</b> and<b> Sands of Iwo Jima </b>but was off the big screen by 1952. Lorre doesn't have that much screen time, but his scenes are mesmerizing and chilling. Though essentially a "B" morality tale, <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b> is a must-see for those interested in the evolution of film noir...and American cinema...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">Noir City 9 runs through January 30...if there's any chance you can attend - do! This is one of the premiere noir fests in the world and worth every penny of the $10 ticket price ($100 for a festival pass). I'll be back on Wednesday for Jean Renoir's legendary <b>The Woman on the Beach </b>(1947).</span><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/U_XCfk5fWWs" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="480"></iframe>

Audrey Totter Eddie Muller Elisha Cook Jr. Film Noir High Wall Margaret Tallichet Noir City 9 Peter Lorre Robert Taylor Stranger on the Third Floor The Lady Eve (author) William Wyler "Who's Crazy Now?" - Noir City 9, Opening Night

Stranger on the Third Floor So…I paid my 10 bucks to park in the lot adjacent to Sullivan’s Funeral Home on Market Street in San Francisco a...

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Hawaii is off, I can't lose weight and life kind of sucks

This isn't a happy post because I'm not feeling very happy. <br /><br />The Hawaii trip isn't going to happen. It's a long, sad story. Basically my sister that lost her husband of 52 years in November of 2009, doesn't want to go back to Hawaii without him. Their last big vacation together was in Hawaii. I totally understand. I'm just a little sad that we can't all go and have fun together. Maybe next year.<br /><br />About my weight. I just don't know what to say anymore. I feel like I constantly post about how I'm going to do this and all my great plans, then I fall flat on my face. I went down a couple pounds during the week, but today I'm back up to 180. My face fell into a bag of cookies and a lot of candy. I won't bore you with the details but six days of hard work can and was totally destroyed by one evening of total madness. <br /><br />I'm trying hard to not totally hate myself right now. It's not easy. Even though I know it doesn't make me a bad person because I have an eating disorder, I can't help but feel there's something terribly wrong with me. Why on earth do I keep doing this to myself? As hard as I try, I can't figure out the answer to that question. I'm still working on trying to find the answer, but at this point, it's still an unknown.<br /><br />I have The Big Climb looming in front of me on March 20. 1,311 steps. 69 floors. What the hell was I thinking to get a team of people together to do this? I certainly can't back out. I have to do it. I have a team of ten right now, and about ten others that said they're going to sign up. I'm the team captain. I'm a little freaked out about the whole thing. Lugging my fat ass up 69 floors. If you don't hear from me after March 20 you can rest assured I dropped dead of a heart attack.<br /><br />In a few minutes I'm heading up to the store to buy ankle weights and then to the gym to do the StairMaster. I read somewhere that ankles weights and the StairMaster are good training for the Big Climb. <br /><br />The dreary Seattle weather isn't helping either. I can't remember the last time I saw the sun. This morning the weather guy on TV made a big deal about what a great weekend we're going to have. What he meant was we're going to have dark, gray skies, no sign of the sun, but no rain. No rain is considered a nice weekend. Hey - the sun just popped out for a second as I wrote this. Weird. The skies are almost black but somehow the sun peeked out. Hmmm...maybe there's hope after all. <br /><br />Sorry for my bad attitude today. I know people don't come hear to read doom and gloom. It's just how I'm feeling. I can't seem to get past it today, and I don't even feel like trying.

Hawaii is off, I can't lose weight and life kind of sucks

This isn't a happy post because I'm not feeling very happy. The Hawaii trip isn't going to happen. It's a long, sad story. B...

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Belief vs Unbelief: Cleaning Up The Playing Field

The revival of atheism these days strikes me as a natural response to religious violence, bigotry, and hatred in the world. But I confess to growing impatient with the current debate between the atheists and the believers. With few exceptions, our contemporary voices are shrill and thin as compared to people who were carrying on the same argument at a deeper level and with greater integrity a few decades ago. Forgive me for sounding like an old fogey, but today’s argument sounds like the religious equivalent of what we might hear on Fox News or MSNBC. It is mostly facile name-calling.<br /><br />Does it matter? Quite possibly not much. It is unlikely that anyone has ever been argued into believing anything of importance very deeply. Either one experiences God intuitively or one does not. Of course the culture either supports or suppresses experience by shaping its interpretation. Hence, people in 17th Century France were apt to have visions of the Blessed Virgin while in Tibet they would entertain visions of dancing Dakinis. Today the chances of experiencing either are greatly diminished by assumptions about reality that France inherits from left bank existentialism and that Tibet is being force-fed by China. Our world view assumptions are shaped more by artists, scientists, and parents than pop religion or anti-religion pundits. Still, the debate is part of the background noise of our lives and I find its tenor irritating.<br /><br />Christian, Jewish, and Islamic beliefs are all discredited by violence and bigotry perpetrated in our names. That kind of bad religion led to the anti-religion of Communism and the neo-pagan national religion of the German “Christian [sic]” Church in the 20th Century. In that bloodiest of centuries, atheism proved to be more lethal than religion had ever dreamed of being. See Alistair MacGrath, “The Twilight Of Atheism.” We have learned the hard way that when religion is taken out of the picture, we torture and kill each other over political and ecnonomic ideology. In the absence of religion that admits it is religion, we form secular religions, state-worship with flag rituals, sainted martyrs of the state, holy places (usually battle fields) and temples of the government, and sacred texts that can be viewed in the sacred city by pilgrims. The creed is taught by secular rabbis in public schools. See Robert Bellah, “Habits Of The Heart.” All this is forgotten by the pop atheists. (I do not include in this category one contemporary atheist writer, Jennifer Michael Hecht, whose book, “Doubt: A History,” is nuanced, honest, and decent.) Bad religion is invariably rooted in a bad image of God, which inevitably leads to bad behavior in the name of that bad God. When Christopher Hitchen, et al. attack such bad religion, they are in good company. Our great 1940’s Archbishop of Canterbury William Temple said, “If you have the wrong idea of God, better that you were an atheist.” Amen.<br /><br />So what would I like to see in the debate? I’d like to see Philip Pullman’s straw men pulled from the game so we can speak face to face, not through avatars, seeing each other as we are and not as caricatures. I’d like to see us begin with a definition of terms so we can see what’s truly at stake. I’d like to see a distinction between theism and monotheism. Frankly, I’d like to see the debate between theism and monotheism move to the fore since it is vastly more interesting, albeit admittedly less fundamental.<br /><br />This is where I would begin. The fundamental question is one of value. Does anything matter? Is one painting more beautiful than another? Is it better to be happy than sad? Is life better than death? Is a forest better than a slum? Or are all things truly equal? Is the field of reality flat? This is absolutely foundational to the discussion, because once one admits value into the field of reality; one is at grave risk of experiencing such things as love, reverence, and awe. Values are fraught with that peril. Hence, the great atheists of yesteryear (Sartre, Camus, Russell) faced the issue head on and insisted that nothing matters. The field is flat. There is no such thing as beauty, meaning, or even truth. They did not prove their claim. They did not even offer warrants or evidence for it, but they asserted it with the seductive smoky-bar cynicism of post-War France and it was persuasive. The world, which once was a lake in which one could dive, became a frozen pond, on which one could only skate. (Camus)<br /><br />I respect the integrity and the intelligence of those atheists far more than the illogical twists of today’s true believers in unbelief (Eric Hofer, “The True Believer”). See, for example, “Hysterical Scientism: The Ecstasy of Richard Dawkins,” by Marilynne Robinson in the November 2006 issue of Harpers, <a href="http://www.harpers.org/archive/2006/11/0081282">www.harpers.org/archive/2006/11/0081282</a>; or more generally <a href="http://www.atheistdelusion.net/">www.atheistdelusion.net</a>. The atheists of the past century began at the honest starting place and they followed their premise to the ultimate and inescapable issue of suicide. If reality is in fact devoid of truth, beauty, and goodness, if there is no meaning to life, is not suicide then the inevitable response, the only authentic response? They argued, again without logic but with a heroic and compelling rhetoric, for a self-made value of the solitary individual shaking his fist at everything. Camus, “The Rebel.”<br /><br /> So let us begin with asking if anything matters. Let us ask if the behavior of some people, say perhaps Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King, Jr., is in some respect better than that of others, say Jeffrey Dahmer or Pol Pot. Let us ask if there is anything worthy of reverence or love? Then if there is, we may ask, “What is the basis for our holding one thing in greater reverence than another? In what value are our values grounded?” At the most basic level, we notice that there is something rather than nothing. The universe is here. It is vast and wonderful. Perhaps we are in awe of it. How could we not be? Then we ponder that if the universe has a source (which, in light of the Big Bang, it apparently does), even, especially, a mysterious source, that thought may evoke our reverence.<br /><br />If something evokes our love and reverence, then we are, despite ourselves, theists – perhaps not classical theists, but we are people who bend the knee to something of value. Is that the God of monotheism? Not necessarily. But we are theists. As a matter of definition, I would say that if one holds that the value of all things is rooted in one supreme value, one highest good, then one is a monotheist. If one holds that things have independent values that are not bound together (for example that beauty is independent of truth and truth is independent of beauty -- that our source and our destiny are both awesome but are not related to each other) then one is a polytheist. <br /><br />Some of today’s self-proclaimed atheists elevate various things to the status of an ultimate value. Some, who also call themselves “humanists,” regard the flourishing of our own species as the ultimate value against which everything else must be measured. Naturally, others, such as deep ecologists, find the elevation of our own species as the ultimate value of the cosmos to be arbitrary, illogical, reprehensibly self-serving, and turgid with hubris – a collective self-worship. Some take the“scientific method” to be the ultimate truth, thereby repudiating values grounded in art, literature, and the religious imagination. If you cannot scientifically prove that Beethoven’s sonatas are beautiful, perhaps even better than “The Horse With No Name” or “Achy Break-y Heart,” then in fact Beethoven’s sonatas are not of value. Ironically, these folks are actually monotheists. In an amusing turn of rhetoric, when the greatest true philosophical scientific atheist of our time, Anthony Flew, converted to theism, the pop atheists accused him of “apostasy.” They actually used that word. Flew, a lifelong devotee of the scientific method himself, adamantly denied their accusation that he had departed from the true way of scientism and insisted that his belief in God was just the place he found himself after “following the evidence,” starting with the Big Bang. See Anthony Flew, “There Is A God.” For both Dawkins and Flew, the existence of God is “a scientific question.” (Dawkins actually used those words in his debate with geneticist Francis Collins). Dawkins and Flew just come to different scientific conclusions. Francis Collins says that God’s existence is either true or false, but that does not necessarily mean that it is a “scientific question.” Though Collins is one of the world’s foremost scientists, he has not “drunk the Kool-Aid” of scientism. Different methods of inquiry are better suited for different questions. It’s a matter of the right tool for the right job.<br /><br />Still, it is a huge leap from polytheism, as I have defined it, to monotheism. It is a huge leap to say that truth, beauty, and goodness are connected. “Beauty is truth; truth, beauty. That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know,” said young John Keats shortly before he died. What a claim! And to say that goodness is inextricably bound to truth and beauty makes the claim even greater. Now add the notion that this sea of truth/beauty/goodness was the spawning ground of all reality, and that changes all our assumptions and our experience of everything. “Surely the strange beauty of the world must rest somewhere on pure joy,” the American poet Louse Bogan wrote. Now add the notion that this “pure joy,” which is born of the truth/beauty/goodness which is our source, is in fact our destiny. Such monotheism is rather overwhelming, at least to me.<br /><br />Now, the God I have described, you Barthians will be quick to point out, is not necessarily the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; nor have I said a word about Jesus. In fact, my faith does not begin with nor is it rooted in the things I have been saying about value. My faith begins with and is rooted in experience, not one great “see the light” experience but an osmosis experience of God in prayer, worship, and daily life. I worship God because I cannot breathe without God and that experience has taught me far more about the Creator/Redeemer/Sanctifier God than I could know from all of philosophy and science put together.<br /><br />Since I have tried your patience too long dear reader and have come to the end of my own energy, I will stop here. But I will offer this hint for your own musing. If the reality in which we live partakes of the personal – thinking, feeling, willing – and not merely mechanical processes, then where does the personal come from. What does the presence of the personal tell us about the source and destiny of the universe? What does the presence of the personal tell us about the nature of truth, beauty, and goodness? Think carefully on these things – very carefully -- because they could lead you to consider strange and wonderful things about Jesus.

Belief vs Unbelief: Cleaning Up The Playing Field

The revival of atheism these days strikes me as a natural response to religious violence, bigotry, and hatred in the world. But I confess to...

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I'm so excited about....Hawaii!

<div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_CNnNgV_32CmDLb4exziyL9g-WgAJHvix53d3_sbWtg1UutMMO0XZj4Usfb30AA7oNYNVF2o-t_LuRZ3nG2Jr_9UNvZ5IIk_OMt9u3phiJLqu_GYslKS2LEXwa3KE30ZXsy3k3-vsn1O/s1600/a-24-tropical-day-web-lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_CNnNgV_32CmDLb4exziyL9g-WgAJHvix53d3_sbWtg1UutMMO0XZj4Usfb30AA7oNYNVF2o-t_LuRZ3nG2Jr_9UNvZ5IIk_OMt9u3phiJLqu_GYslKS2LEXwa3KE30ZXsy3k3-vsn1O/s400/a-24-tropical-day-web-lg.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><div align="center"><br /></div>I just got off the phone with my niece that lives in North Pole, Alaska (near Fairbanks, AK). It's currently -32 degrees (that's below zero). We're planning a girls' trip to Hawaii in March, my two nieces, my sister and myself. We kind of talked about it when I was there in December, but we decided to make it happen. It's going to be super fun.<br /><br />The only trick is I have to be back by March 20 for the <a href="http://www.llswa.org/site/PageNavigator/BC_homepage">Big Climb</a>, and we plan on leaving for Hawaii March 11.<br /><br />I haven't gone on a "girls only" trip since college! <br /><br />I skipped the gym this morning, on purpose. I've only had two days off in the last 16 days. I had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast date with my two best girlfriends at IHOP (ugh!). I had the Slim and Fit Mushroom and Tomato Omelet with fresh fruit for 5 Points (330 calories). It was actually pretty good, and I had them use egg substitute so maybe even a little less on the calories. <br /><br />I love that they put the calories on the menus now. I think that's just about the coolest thing ever. Of course, it was only calories (and my girlfriends' breakfasts were 1,200 calories each!). I still had to go to the website to get all the nutritional info for the Points calculation. The calories alone really helped me make a good choice.<br /><br />Even though no gym today, I managed to walked our 60 steps of stairs at work during lunch, <strong>twelve</strong> times, or 720 steps. Part of my training plan for the Big Climb is to do this twice a day (in addition to my gym workout). The Big Climb is 1,311 steps, with no stops. I'm a little worried about what I got myself into with this thing. I just hope I don't totally embarrass myself and need a medic to resuscitate me when I'm halfway to the top!<br /><br />About Hawaii, I've been to the islands many times in my life, maybe eight or nine. I can't really remember for sure, but it's been a lot. Remember, I'm from Alaska and that's where people from Alaska go for a vacation. Also, I've worked for an airline for 27 years. I even went to college over there for a year. I totally and completely love Hawaii. And I love my sister and nieces so this trip is going to be a blast!<br /><br />Now not only do I have to get in shape for the Big Climb, but also for the beach!

I'm so excited about....Hawaii!

I just got off the phone with my niece that lives in North Pole, Alaska (near Fairbanks, AK). It's currently -32 degrees (that's bel...

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Envivo De Michoacan II

Every day I forget that my purposes for what I do are only my purposes. God invariably has larger plans. Today I set out to study Spanish, and so I did -- in the morning – more irregular verbs and rules for when to use and when to omit articles. (Those who speak languages are strictly bound to obey the rules; but those who create the rules make up exceptions at will. Where is the justice in that?)<br /><br />This afternoon, I was supposed to go with the other students on a guided (in Spanish) walking tour of the city. But the tour was cancelled so I walked alone and found myself at the Cathedral – a beautiful old Gothic building. Along with a scattered group of clearly devout people, I spent some time praying in the nave, then went to pray in the Lady Chapel which was crowded with people praying fervently on a Wednesday afternoon. It is a holy thing to be surrounded by so much reverence. As I began to leave, I heard the beginning of mass at the main altar so I stayed for worship. It was an unexpected blessing.<br /><br />I then walked back to the school for Conversation Club, an informal gathering for casual discourse, the point of which is to practice one’s language. I went to practice Spanish, but found myself at a table of young Mexicans who needed to work on their English. So we spoke English most of the time, as we sat outside on the roof the school, the darkness falling around us.<br /><br />One of the young men at my table is an artist, a sketch artist who wants to become a “real” artist and his passion is to paint sacred art. He was a bit shy about this since his teachers and fellow students have told him he is in the wrong century for that kind of painting. This issue set me off and I found myself giving a lecture on theology – how religion is a language about the ineffable mystery, it is a set of symbols pointing toward things that cannot be spoken – and art can sometimes suggest the mystery better than words – Caravaggio was the greatest theologian of his day.<br /><br />Then I rambled on to what we mean by “God” and how for the past few centuries we have identified “God” with dominating power – and if “God” means our highest value and God is defined by such power, then we worship power. The effect on our souls is to make us power mongers and that is the religious root of violence.<br /><br />But an older view of God as the Supreme Beauty has been reclaimed by contemporary theologians beginning with Hans Urs Von Balthasar. We call to mind the greatest beauty we can imagine. Then we consider that there may be a beauty beyond that, something we cannot touch even with our imaginations, and in that thought we begin to approach God. Such a view of God opens us to pay attention, to apprehend beauty, to be transformed by beauty. The transforming power of spiritual beauty is the meaning of the beatific vision in Dante.<br /><br />I noticed this group of young people was utterly and completely with me, caught up in my spontaneous sermon on faith and the visual arts. The artist was genuinely inspired. So I said to myself, “And I thought I was just here to study Spanish. Maybe God intended to nurture my soul with the silent reverence of those people praying in the cathedral. And maybe God gave me a message someone needed to hear.” I actually believe God did. Maybe someday someone’s soul will be touched in some blessed way by a painting, and they will be grateful for this work by Rivera (his name, like Diego) but will never know that Rivera’s approach to painting drew in a small way on spiritual guidance he received from a nameless American cleric in Morelia circa 2011 – or that the nameless cleric spoke out of the silence he had just experienced among the nameless faithful gathered to pray on a Wednesday afternoon in the Cathedral, people who prayed for their own purposes, not knowing that God intended their piety to touch a foreigner who would in turn touch a young artist who would someday touch someone not yet born.

Envivo De Michoacan II

Every day I forget that my purposes for what I do are only my purposes. God invariably has larger plans. Today I set out to study Spanish, a...

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20 weeks

<p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlQvIQqvs1uCxSSaQ-U3rY2AqUO2P2HJU3Gi6UP90LwMWy6-BL8iKDr1O7GQe7oM25EEFH0jeOSjwcZweAYO7q2W2okgZg3IYGneia2vuAVP5RjTKWJ4ARyqjTVHI-8oqnTCScTfOx2T7s/s1600-h/20%20weeks%20-%202.2.11%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="20 weeks - 2.2.11" border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9efi_My6xRf66vAf0K3aeMXmQ5BOiu9fRJNHej5pF7hZAOYddEJZ1TqIe8fqdsp9ZpAhKN1p1Slc82aQY94ANQ5_O_Yz-50r36h6K5xeRVCN73KspZCcwqNNAeWcqUDGrWK-YZtGvkqS/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="20 weeks - 2.2.11" width="304"></a>  <strong>Pregnancy Highlights:</strong> <blockquote> <p><strong>How Far Along:</strong> 20 Weeks <p><strong>Size of baby:</strong> Baby Bangert is the size of a cantaloupe <p><strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> gained 18lbs <p><strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> I wear maternity jeans and pants but everything else is regular.  Things are getting tighter though! <p><strong>Gender:</strong> It’s a girl!!! <p><strong>Movement:</strong> Beginning to feel my little girl more lots more these days!  <p><strong>Sleep:</strong> Not too bad, I get up a few times throughout the night to go to the bathroom. I guess it’s preparing me for a newborn! <p><strong>What I miss:</strong> Sleeping on my stomach and a bigger selection of clothes! <p><strong>Cravings:</strong> I don't have specific cravings. I just like to eat! ;) I don’t think ice cream counts, I love that anytime! <p><strong>Symptoms:</strong> Really can’t complain! Feeling pretty well! <p><strong>Best Moment this week:</strong> Finding out & seeing our baby girl! Amazing!</p></blockquote> <p>Last Tuesday we had our ultrasound appointment. Kyle was there (of course) and Aunt Wendi came too! It was so amazing to see that little life inside me!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-U0VAN6ASmugLlzQXyzWiAGIqLe5HggVTtPzycLB2LYHMY5Z4BWp_uWXdIG4NKvL_tYoCj2h2zJ7AhmFkaSPWnOarhkTFFFu_Ks6_ZjBc9F7Nsax8dMEyNbhrKNBSi9hUEql3bGQGtPix/s1600-h/1.25.11%20ultrasound%5B5%5D.jpg"><img alt="1.25.11 ultrasound" border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCHHr4_RW6MK_2LyY9myBJpjSfi4I5hdZx9KBJkidyaLqEm7oXmHfZRzhGvtUbBzhTDZF7vUp7AxmQHTIdKtQJIOPfUIubWBfv8mIAGHIkcp1RjTWlwK4reWeKCf9gkY0dl_no_g7vViwI/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="1.25.11 ultrasound" width="404"></a>Thursday we had our follow up appointment with the Doctor and said she looks perfectly healthy. Kyle got a kick out of her saying “baby looks proportional”! They measured me about 6 days ahead, but wanted to stick with my original due date, maybe that means Baby Girl Bangert will come before June 16th! <p align="center"><strong><em>Nursery Preview!  </em></strong> <p align="left">Kyle painted while we were off work over Christmas break. We chose <a href="http://www.restorationhardware.com/">Restoration Hardware</a> “light silver sage” for a color. It’s a light blue/gray. I knew it would (obviously) work for a boy, but thought if we added pink to the room it would look great for a girl too!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimwSK9WCv-xDnEANA25QYRRu2XV4wr8VrRTVKQKa8VKYOC0L4DGNQS49NCAl3f4QHF4v5dq8-pbEr6nbU9GxneipsULsW1z3LcP078pXlmoO-ngGDxLJGLX7_2oyirBVpypxXFQax5q6jt/s1600-h/image-6082303950851780%5B4%5D.jpg"><img alt="image-6082303950851780" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6v6QjZ2xucls2zBUXmbl8Fznxr1p4DQqpkW52JXzqtimAhOyiK0Nnu9VFfA7RN7RZSG7K21fhj_xOuT2N_NmTk5XUAv9d8_0uHNRoVQzS1ti1pmwCoRUvcNt1vkVLaq-cTCkNaA4J0pDl/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="image-6082303950851780" width="304"></a> <p align="left">Last weekend Kyle installed a closet organizer in the nursery. I just LOVE how it turned out, I’m all about organizing!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9x6-28hzAgXeEsJn1VOIaZwa2NsvqsupLK4Dz04HKm1R3Pns67gXLxKOKQ8hkb2sKvYouXm9H-lWIFtLiyAUpoTW3i_nXZs6DbaaDi4-aHa8LXtJgKur8J1gLMGgW5bG_YkXoRHXX8WwN/s1600-h/DSC09772%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09772" border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6hkiPe28ZX8x3KRWq2EFt-FX9_Ri68UK3ErGicd-c_5B9EQjU2udugoYrhNi1IlooSgvwT1kaSDBsNxj91IfQfYTi-7p9WlWMKwpGka716QWcW-rFRkgGx465UrWYq_lS7c4g0wVmj91R/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09772" width="304"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhApx7z9FAzdrGoT3aYw-ne3wKz3FlAmWc_6l6G2NZrBxc903vJ3OH-cmTVMKVis3_ISdUEZj5TkvGsM38Kq4JtHSFQ_LkIWx2ITnAncAacmTT8NbWIgNLPtYYkgHsQQ-KTKhwrkiNyd017/s1600-h/DSC09771%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09771" border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjltscY1QR-IGq-0-Dkf5Z_cif8BO7nMUlRpUIbmkjOow3_3LUZ9Sl8Sdtze6HdhE0RSe91lk33jeB_hUL12QZ7EOnipiikIjA8ApoGtrmCg7Q60h3Y5021dHrq1mdARK0Y5Ek-wrkhPxzY/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09771" width="304"></a> <p align="left">Tuesday afternoon Kyle & I got off work early because of a snow storm, so I worked another nursery project. I REALLY, REALLY wanted to purchase a new dresser, but we’re trying to do the nursery on a budget! So we are using a dresser we already had, but I wanted to “dress” it up a bit. I added some pop of color inside the drawers. Idea courtesy of <a href="http://www.younghouselove.com/2010/03/nursery-progress-lining-our-dresser-drawers/">Young House Love</a>! We are also going to add some handles too! <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="500" align="center" border="0"> <tbody> <tr> <td align="middle" width="250"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG0OQy96wfNdslp5fiMEH_h75xPipxaeD-guyI6JUynwASSSPzO3t1RO56wjvs0oj3UZWPkV38QI6nHpYWzvmMdm74kX8T-1UWhBgm0eOd5SPSvbasdGFQ-U40TXV7xLhX3rqnJ_jdMFFc/s1600-h/DSC09758%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09758" border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgaGWRpzG_Eewh4_mSUuTUQOXdDFsYNCt38yobCMngE3qLFZFP02eL9bl_ewBcqkLvWWNcWZeXCF4OcfvmDhYmssmEeMhV8Fr33zVFuD1r_U3tK3Q_DkECw0jUz9C4Y-dO_yLfHf38FEIv/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09758" width="254"></a> <p> </p></td> <td valign="top" width="250"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNT1tl-Gn9isJt2Vp1aHJ5aiIoDf3disFj0UjKruhEoUr3O6GovmIKQConIER6iSI0RfdrGKe8hFcgjDide7P3XZF36YaLneUSKbq-GIxPTP1teppW7hglDcIgFJKY9whPn2KIhXZfS6F/s1600-h/DSC09760%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09760" border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCsamRV6VLUvLcaOtNeF4LFdgohyphenhyphenxV_Jm7R-ojmnHtV7ZEcvuI30n3WpjUwXEj2zn-EoPRGKsPOfRt2zH0q0lIoaCPfnEoUqSUCRbMxVt9jvO7eD2iidS6JmmNtNEo9D8RAdx2l5AAQgVV/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09760" width="254"></a></td></tr></tbody></table>Here is a sneak peak of the bedding. This is something I purchased from <a href="www.potterybarnkids.com">Pottery Barn Kids</a> a few years ago on super clearance. I think it was back in 2006 I had <em>MAJOR</em> baby fever, but after lots of chats with Kyle we decided it just wasn’t the right time yet. But since we’re having a girl we still get to use the bedding!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieirDw4j53tDG9LqxF4WqfeeVFyYCcMU81PS1VaTP8PrTXFjFos4W7qsOQ7nBy9svJJLVWB8ZGi2mVLPfrXefljFXUStVejBtI3STJEBttmDCefabNWLw2GFFP5XIf_DYLnaBep0St2sel/s1600-h/DSC09761%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09761" border="0" height="387" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjANOpYka0BLWlF1iM4l05emaE0snJRifWDpaa5ATL7CgH10nq03iUj6bhlOpzt8W__tLHzcb0TAwG6glS9zODm4FLgwW1EV9FJT5AHm3Ddb665gKAEMm9174-cQY44ILYctduI0JGDpc48/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09761" width="304"></a> And you can see from this picture too that we have a white crib. Kyle set up the crib over our Christmas break also. Last weekend I washed all her bedding & made the bed! The crib was a generous gift from some friends who moved out of state a few years ago and their little guy was ready to move to a big bed. We purchased their crib mattress for only $25 (they paid over $200) I guess it pays to plan ahead! <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>That’s all for now friends! Kyle & I are enjoying our snow day off work today. Going to do a few more projects in the nursery!! :)</p>

20 weeks

  Pregnancy Highlights: How Far Along: 20 Weeks Size of baby: Baby Bangert is the size of a cantaloupe Total Weight Gain/Loss: gaine...

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Internetless tonight

I've been without internet connection for the past five hours (except my phone, but that doesn't really count). It was almost as bad as when the electricity goes out. <br /><br />I even tried to watch a Netflix movie through the box thing we have when it displayed "your internet isn't connected" message. Oh yeah, no internet, I forgot. So no Netflix. It makes me wonder how I ever lived without the internet.<br /><br />My husband finally fixed it about 20 minutes ago, but it's 10:30p .m. It's past time my bedtime so I'm not writing much. I've been working on a post of why I gained 100 pounds. I'm too tired now to proof it before I post it. Tomorrow.

Internetless tonight

I've been without internet connection for the past five hours (except my phone, but that doesn't really count). It was almost as bad...

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Envivo De Michoacan

Of course I am here to learn Spanish in the best way possible, I believe – several hours each day in class – so far my classes are one on one (I may have a classmate soon) -- living with a family that speaks Spanish, and negotiating life in a strange city where it seems no one speaks English at all. It is sink or swim, and since I cannot swim, I am immersed.<br /><br />But I am learning a lot more than irregular verbs. This is a psycho-spiritual experience and a socio-political eye-opener. The content of all of that is barely beginning to be revealed. So far I can say it changes my dreams. I rarely remember my dreams at home, but here I am dreaming a lot, suenos extranjos, strange dreams with camels and chimpanzees. Something is up deep in my psyche.<br /><br />On a more conscious level, it is a different experience to hear the word “foreigner” applied to oneself. At home we are citizens. Abroad we are, in our eyes, tourists or pilgrims. But to those around us, we are foreigners, sojourners. The identity of the “foreigner” is at the heart of Jewish spirituality and ethics. “Give shelter to the foreigner for remember you were once foreigners in Egypt.” It actually goes back further to Abram who was sent to wander “in a land you do not know.” As Christians, we inherit that identity. We are citizens of the Heavenly City, not the Worldly City (St. Augustine) “This world is not my home. I’m just a-passin’ through.” Those words caution us against attachment to or identification with worldly pursuits or undue anxiety about worldly problems. But they also remind us that we are never to claim a land as ours so as to say to another, “you are a foreigner while I belong here and (more insidiously) here belongs to me.” Our true rootlessness, our sojournerhood, is so easy to forget in a place where we have a paper that evidences our “right,” our “claim” to land, where we have a driver’s license, and a voter registration card – all to “identify” us and identify us with the place. But when one is called a “foreigner,” it changes the way we look at the sojourner in our midst when we are at that place where “we belong.”<br /><br />It is hard to be in a different culture, where you cannot assume anything, where nothing can be done by habit, but every step must be thought out so as not to offend or cause some debacle. It is hard to have to struggle to remember even the few words one knows in order to accomplish the simplest exchange like the purchase of a bagel. It is hard to use currency in which the numbers are way out of line with the values in the currency one knows. That is what it is like for the immigrant in the United States. Do they do right or do they do wrong to come to Nevada for work? All I can say is that they do not do it lightly.<br /><br />Most of our immigrants face larger challenges than these. Most come, not from the northern states, but from far to the South, near Guatemala. It is not an easy walk or a short one. They know that many die in the Arizona desert. Do they do right or wrong? I can only say it is not a choice that they make lightly.<br /><br />Again, I am receiving remarkable hospitality here. I say this as one who has lived nearly two decades in the cultural capital of the Old South, where hospitality is a matter of pride celebrated in Southern Living Magazine. But the South offers no welcome, no “mi casa es su casa” comparable to the warm hearted caring of the people here in Morelia.<br /><br />A little about the city: Morelia has been here since the 16th Century. Antiquity and Spanish elegance define the city, patently in the Center City square, but subtly even at the corner Farmacia. It is not a skyscraper city, but it is a huge college town. There are multiple institutions of higher learning including graduate schools in law, medicine, architecture, accounting, etc. There are 100,000 students in Morelia. Like students in the United States, their challenge is employment. They will soon have degrees to prepare them for jobs that do not exist in the present economy.<br /><br />However, I met an interesting man this morning at the coffee shop. Although from Morelia, he is either an American citizen or permanent resident alien. One way or another, he has a home in Sacramento and the legal right to work and pay taxes in California. But here he is. He came to Mexico from the United States to find work.

Envivo De Michoacan

Of course I am here to learn Spanish in the best way possible, I believe – several hours each day in class – so far my classes are one on on...

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