I want a divorce because you're fat -- Part 2

<span style="color:#000000;">In April I wrote a post entitled <a href="http://diana135.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-want-divorce-because-youre-fat.html" target="blank">I want a divorce because you're fat</a>. It was about a friend of mine who is overweight, and his wife was divorcing him because he is 150 pounds overweight. </span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;">I haven't talked to him since April. He stopped by my cubicle yesterday and we chatted about how things were going, about his divorce. I could see a sadness in him that I hadn't seen before. </span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;">I told him about my post I had written after our lunch, and the surprising number of people that had posted comments. Some siding with him and some siding with his wife. He asked to read the post so I sent it to him, with the comments. </span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;">Here's the email he sent me after he read the post and the comments other people had posted. This is from Ben:</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000000;">D ~<br /><br />Thanks. That was amazing to read.<br />It really puts things into perspective for me.<br /><br />I don't blame her a bit for wanting to leave me. I did not do anything to correct the problem and did not give her any hope that I would.<br /><br />With so many years of issues (baggage) stored in our closet, like not playing ball with the kids, not taking family vacations, not doing any exercises with or without her, what choice did I really give her? I was always way too focused on making money with my home business to provide the family with money to buy whatever they wanted because I was not available physically to do the things that normal size people do with their families. And the snowball just continued to roll down hill over the years.<br /><br />Yes my family has a history of medical issues that are very serious and I should be doing something to prevent that from happening to me, but I didn't.<br /><br />I don't really know what I was looking for in life, but for what ever reason didn't feel I was getting it from home.<br /><br />I always felt like I was missing a role model in life to emulate as a good father and husband. But with my father-in-laws death two days before our wedding and having to bury him one day after, and my father that was a wife beater and alcoholic I really did not have anyone to emulate what it was that I should do for myself and my family.<br /><br />So I guess my struggle was to do my best given what little knowledge I could gather along the way in life.<br /><br />The last positive thing I can remember hearing from my wife was that I was a good provider, just not a good companion.<br /><br />Please share this comment with your blog because I want them to know that sometimes you just don't get the story of life until you read the last page of the last chapter, and by then its to late to go back and make any changes.<br /><br />Guess it is time to pick up a new book. Anyone got any suggestions for a good read on a 40+ Male, struggling to loose weight, and make ends meet now that he's on his own, with a full time job, and a business of 20+ customers and a desire to be a successful entrepreneur, so he can send his two kids to college starting in four years?<br /><br />Oh well in my book LIFE does and will go on, it will just be a little different.<br /><br />Thanks for the insights.<br /><br />~ B<br /></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;">I want anyone out there that is overweight to realize what they're missing in life. I'm not saying someone should divorce their spouse because they're overweight. But I am saying if you're the overweight spouse, you are missing a lot in life and that it has a negative impact on your spouse and on your marriage.</span><br /><p>I was that spouse, the overweight person in the marriage who didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was missing out on life and so was my husband. He never threatened divorce, but honestly, I would understand it if he had chosen that route. </p><p></p>The whole thing is sad. Ben realized too late the importance of his family and the importance of being healthy. It's not too late for you.<br /><br /><p><span style="color:#000000;"></p></span>

I want a divorce because you're fat -- Part 2

In April I wrote a post entitled I want a divorce because you're fat . It was about a friend of mine who is overweight, and his wife was...

Read more »

Time and Discernment: Abiding

I am up at 2:30 a.m. with ecclesiastical insomnia. I am reading Rabbi Jesus to help me remember what I am doing here. While taking a break from my book, I came across this reflection on discernment sent to me by the Rev. Mary Bredlau of Grace in the Desert. I found it helpful and wanted to pass it on. Of course, none of us in General Convention can afford to concern ourselves with only a few issues. We have to take it all to heart. But the idea about abiding in relationships applies here, and the idea about discernment of callings is generally essential to a servant life. So I wanted to share it:<br /><br />On staying with what we are called to do, not just plunging into everything we are asked to do.<br />Practice Integrity [Practicing Spirituality with Quakers]<br />Fidelity costs energy and time, maybe a lifetime. Every firm yes we say requires many firm nos. After Quaker Meeting one Sunday I was talking with the man who visited prisoners in jail, when a young woman approached, breathless with excitement, to ask if he would join the board of a new peace group she was organizing. In a rush of words, she told him why the cause was crucial, why the time was ripe, why she absolutely needed his leadership. Knowing this man's sympathies, I figured he would agree to serve. But after listening to her plea, he gazed at her soberly for a moment, then said, "That is certainly a vital concern, worthy of all your passion. But it is not my concern." The challenge for all of us is to find those few causes which are peculiarly our own, those to which we are clearly called, and then to embrace them wholeheartedly.<br />If your goal is to find a center, a focus, a gathering place within your life, then you would do well to practice fidelity. By slowing down, abiding in relationships, staying in place, remaining faithful to a calling, we create the conditions for paying attention, for discovering depths, for finding a purpose and a pattern in our days. Fidelity enables us to orient ourselves, to know with some confidence where we are. It provides continuity, enabling us to see how things change, what is endangered, what persists. It keeps us from drifting, keeps us from hurrying through our days. "The reason why we don't take time is a feeling that we have to keep moving," says Thomas Merton. If we could only be still and look about, we'd realize that we already "have what we seek. We don't have to rush after it. It was there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us." — Scott Russell Sanders in Hunting For Hope<br />[7/8/09 E-Courses@SpiritualityandPractice.com]

Time and Discernment: Abiding

I am up at 2:30 a.m. with ecclesiastical insomnia. I am reading Rabbi Jesus to help me remember what I am doing here. While taking a break f...

Read more »