The perfect match: What makes a good employer?

<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="cbmsnArticleImage" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" src="http://emj.cbdr.com/artieimages/wn/ar5l1dc63t2zgn2nyxwn.gif?time=12/19/2011%203:10:15%20pm" /></div><br /><div class="ArticleHeadline" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-top: -30px; text-align: left;"><b><span id="cbArticle_lblByLine">Kaitlin Madden, CareerBuilder Writer</span></b><br /><br /></div><div class="ArticleHeadline" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-top: -30px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="ArticleHeadline" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-top: -30px; text-align: left;">Job seekers hear a lot about the skills and qualities that employers want from </div><div class="ArticleHeadline" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-top: -30px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="ArticleHeadline" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-top: -30px; text-align: left;">their potentialemployees. They're looking for someone with a killer work ethic, technological expertise, leadership potential, a sense of humor, great<a href="http://msn.careerbuilder.com/jobs/keyword/communication/" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;">communication</a> skills -- it seems like the list could go on forever.</div><div class="ArticleContent" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;"><br /><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b><span id="cbArticle_lblByLine">Kaitlin Madden, CareerBuilder Writer</span></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">Job seekers hear a lot about the skills and qualities that employers want from their potentialemployees. They're looking for someone with a killer work ethic, technological expertise, leadership potential, a sense of humor, great<a href="http://msn.careerbuilder.com/jobs/keyword/communication/" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;">communication</a> skills -- it seems like the list could go on forever. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">But what about the qualities that job seekers should look for in potential employers? What should applicants seek in the companies to which they are applying? Though it can sometimes seem as if job searching is all about what the employer wants, it's essential for job seekers to know what they're looking for in a company, too.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">Below are a few things all job seekers should consider when evaluating potential employers.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Work environment</b><br />On paper, a job may seem great -- good salary, comprehensive benefits, impressive title -- but it's important to think about how working for a certain company or at a certain job will align with your personality and interests. Often, it's your fit with the company and job -- not your salary or title -- that will determine true happiness at work.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">"Many of the career changers I have counseled have, after a thorough self-assessment, become attuned to the kinds of working conditions that make them truly happy and fulfilled," says Cheryl Heisler, <a href="http://msn.careerbuilder.com/jobs/keyword/president/" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;">president</a> and founder of Lawternatives, a <a href="http://www.bing.com/search?q=career+coaching&src=IE-SearchBox&FORM=msns07" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;">career coaching</a> service for <a href="http://msn.careerbuilder.com/jobs/keyword/laywers/" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;">lawyers</a> exploring career changes. "In exchange for achieving that kind of 'psychic benefit' from their work, these folks are often willing to make substantial compromises in other areas of traditional compensation such as salary or benefits, perks or fancy offices, to bring their work and their personal morés into balance."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">Accepting a job offer without considering how you'll fit into a company's work environment can mean misery down the line. For example, "A culture clash might arise between a collaborative working parent trying to achieve that elusive work-life balance in a culture that values hard-driving competition," Heisler says.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Co-workers</b><br />Like your work environment, your co-workers can play a big part in how happy you will be at a job. "Liking the people with whom you work and sharing at least some of the same values is more than a mere nicety," Heisler says. "It takes a great deal of effort to be a square peg in a round hole; if much of your efforts are going into trying desperately to fit the mold, you will have that much less to give to your work product."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">Your co-workers don't have to become your best friends, but naturally fitting in with the people you work with every day will go a long way in ensuring your happiness -- and effectiveness -- at work.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Company values</b><br />During the application process, job seekers should try to get a feel for the company's reputation. What does the company value? Have people had positive experiences working with -- and for -- the company? Are there any complaints against the company on Yelp or with the Better Business Bureau? If the company has a reputation for being dishonest or deceitful, job seekers should take this into consideration before proceeding with their application.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">"No employee should ever have to compromise their values for a job," says Bethany Myers, career<a href="http://msn.careerbuilder.com/jobs/keyword/consultant/" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;">consultant</a> and owner of career coaching firm BLM Consulting. "For example, I value honesty and integrity. If a company is in the practice of cutting corners, bending rules or just outright breaking laws, then they are not right for me."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Growth potential</b><br />While many of us evaluate job offers based on short-term factors (Is the initial salary higher? Will I have a better title?), it's also important to consider the long-term growth potential you'll have with an employer.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">"Being able to grow with a company is a big plus for anyone who is building a career," Myers says.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">To find out if there's potential for a promotion at a company you're interviewing with, Myers suggests bringing up the subject during the interview process, which can be as simple as asking "What growth opportunities exist for this position?" Just be sure not to make your personal growth the focus of the interview, or it may appear as if you're disregarding the position at hand.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Job security</b><br />If there's one thing that the recession has taught us, it's the value of job security.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">"There isn't a feeling worse than uncertainty, and especially uncertainty surrounding your job," Myers says. "Knowing that you have a stable position within an organization not only is comforting, but it also is in the employer's best interest because it will eliminate that fear that tends to stifle a worker from being productive. If that looming dark cloud of, 'When will my job end?' isn't hanging over your head, you can focus on what you have been hired to do versus worrying if you should find a new job."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><b>Leadership</b><br />Having a mentor or manager you can look up to will help you adapt to and grow in a role at a new company.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">"This is a valuable tool that is often overlooked," Myers says. "When an employee has a mentor within the organization, it works for everyone. This is the best way to mold new employees and re-energize seasoned ones. It's also a great opportunity for higher-ups to ensure a superstar employee doesn't fall through the cracks. It's a win-win in my book."</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;">So remember, although it may not always seem like it, a job search is a two-way street. Hold potential companies to the same high standards they've set for you, and you'll assure that your next position is a perfect match.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 1em;"><i>Kaitlin Madden is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, </i><a href="http://www.theworkbuzz.com/" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><i>The Work Buzz</i></a><i>. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow @Careerbuilder on Twitter</i></div></div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />

The perfect match: What makes a good employer?

Kaitlin Madden, CareerBuilder Writer Job seekers hear a lot about the skills and qualities that employers want from  their potentialemployee...

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gold metallic glow

C'mon ride the train. Woo Hoo. The gold train. Sorry, I'll stop. But I'm seeing it everywhere, and I'm joining in the fun.<br /><br />I've seen several people use the new metallic spray paint from Rust-oleum recently, but after I saw <a href="http://pawleysislandposh.blogspot.com/2012/02/diy-gold-table-part-2.html" target="_blank">Julia's table over at Pawleys Island Posh</a> I knew I had to give it a try.<br /><br />Enter this sad little shade.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSpocoxzl3X2raAKlK4t-nP22KHvEzSA-keZmsBHro5L7TMcvq4sEGlXnSiJd4BhxW2UVGQBnz_Lse5qE6Lwsoy9MGn5ccReLiki1ScY_NcIs-jPzJ4z4NF3goAN2CE5V85sFIjnsXHdgg/s1600/P2103723.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSpocoxzl3X2raAKlK4t-nP22KHvEzSA-keZmsBHro5L7TMcvq4sEGlXnSiJd4BhxW2UVGQBnz_Lse5qE6Lwsoy9MGn5ccReLiki1ScY_NcIs-jPzJ4z4NF3goAN2CE5V85sFIjnsXHdgg/s640/P2103723.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br />I picked up this piece of damaged goods, along with its brother Darrel and its other brother Darrel, at a high school rummage sale (remember these Becca?). I have a feeling that the owner of these shades work up that morning and thought, 'Crap! I was supposed to bring something for the rummage sale!' And then proceeded to go down into her basement and pick up the first thing she found.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkUPM0zyFL_ySXJoNgljxGXk5sHIJkurxtEIzu4i_eW5XC7QytunUglTo-okooEOmagZGoLfP3ILS-SFDbbPeaeTjhacyDSROzvS5ryOQlA-GOQm56Cc-nFuGfDd7bFRxNzpIHgxYHzYS/s1600/P2103730.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWkUPM0zyFL_ySXJoNgljxGXk5sHIJkurxtEIzu4i_eW5XC7QytunUglTo-okooEOmagZGoLfP3ILS-SFDbbPeaeTjhacyDSROzvS5ryOQlA-GOQm56Cc-nFuGfDd7bFRxNzpIHgxYHzYS/s640/P2103730.JPG" width="426" /></a></div><br />Although the outside is a nice black satin-ish type fabric, the inside is paper. Paper that has suffered some type of water damage. (not a statement you often make about a lamp shade)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMECN0W6P8tTEfSvKvyQKL55JD2Iz5cboGqpUEW4xgwfvTfF_vBdo0qX50O7zJ8vfYItmU8fwRLj8aDg1VyGmCpTCeBIvxU_l_ruKkG49WPKd-S1j4lBzkk8hjZHs8Q3BTAyFX1rhT0rQp/s1600/P2103744.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMECN0W6P8tTEfSvKvyQKL55JD2Iz5cboGqpUEW4xgwfvTfF_vBdo0qX50O7zJ8vfYItmU8fwRLj8aDg1VyGmCpTCeBIvxU_l_ruKkG49WPKd-S1j4lBzkk8hjZHs8Q3BTAyFX1rhT0rQp/s640/P2103744.JPG" width="426" /></a></div><br />Who in their right mind would buy these things? That would be me.<br /><br />Luckily I only paid $2 for all 3. Since they were already in such poor condition and they were just gathering dust in my basement, I figured why not spray some gold up in here!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTC8HMOOy6kWqPlpLjKz5R6b1nHkkxUKRZCGxAuRBTBkNshu6ARCSr3K7PWUlmHozQCfKHGLu3PywWM32wb4Bu6XbHc4VYWdaoFzcaFmZmz5FBEurlqeQBfmtv4QURt6V3hbxvfv8DtQh/s1600/P2103747.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTC8HMOOy6kWqPlpLjKz5R6b1nHkkxUKRZCGxAuRBTBkNshu6ARCSr3K7PWUlmHozQCfKHGLu3PywWM32wb4Bu6XbHc4VYWdaoFzcaFmZmz5FBEurlqeQBfmtv4QURt6V3hbxvfv8DtQh/s640/P2103747.JPG" width="426" /></a></div>I was thinking moody, library lampshade. Man smoking a pipe in the corner in a big leather chair type lampshade. Like this.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy7oUUkUjHAwo2Fds0ua-iVP9nYC8DYoU8zQCDShA1J1tiEFybajMESrKcoZQY1aTkZuOOoc1VlGdBg-fypiOnGXfsh-ictIOvAIRpeGcOMzzjK4hQNMnfPcXoHVrRihAfIizoIDb_xypq/s1600/4b.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy7oUUkUjHAwo2Fds0ua-iVP9nYC8DYoU8zQCDShA1J1tiEFybajMESrKcoZQY1aTkZuOOoc1VlGdBg-fypiOnGXfsh-ictIOvAIRpeGcOMzzjK4hQNMnfPcXoHVrRihAfIizoIDb_xypq/s400/4b.jpeg" width="337" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://www.sfgirlbybay.com/2010/03/17/belly-up-to-the-bar/" target="_blank">SFGirlByBay.com</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;">Or this.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTyKTaWRnjvDdlfrsjzEC9ydStCu-TnLK6IK9mIDPxz9MrwGHEj_kanZ5PdHGuOIz0vgTMSEUTefeF7PPRqwD2x-UpbbMiQbaYK4Kh3T7WRrs7dmU_uiYVHC3U21FwPjlr5AvlBYYfVm1N/s1600/160088961723667431.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTyKTaWRnjvDdlfrsjzEC9ydStCu-TnLK6IK9mIDPxz9MrwGHEj_kanZ5PdHGuOIz0vgTMSEUTefeF7PPRqwD2x-UpbbMiQbaYK4Kh3T7WRrs7dmU_uiYVHC3U21FwPjlr5AvlBYYfVm1N/s400/160088961723667431.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/6896205649269364/" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></td></tr></tbody></table><br />And I'm happy to report...<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjR3wGVSJDYRQALqiYsy4EkXnwrE5TnipiAIN9UZMM55AzpR8yS8JxoheIjU_6X2nhmPurgktd1NewCS52rRxGHAthi9I-Zn9EjM78HbQR019JzzWOKS9VnLEbV1vsvnnZD-fOL__Z_jN9/s1600/P2103760.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjR3wGVSJDYRQALqiYsy4EkXnwrE5TnipiAIN9UZMM55AzpR8yS8JxoheIjU_6X2nhmPurgktd1NewCS52rRxGHAthi9I-Zn9EjM78HbQR019JzzWOKS9VnLEbV1vsvnnZD-fOL__Z_jN9/s400/P2103760.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />these suckers look good! 100% improvement.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnEufnSDh5nLVoWmZfYCV6c8KdSXbYfB0dGOgm3sz7j44H2dObI9sNptehay7jze78_rJKi3iu_h7SI4Lp-tIPYGkH7qP9nUnbuNgEfYpdNNboXucwSFMpxfLnX_NiFOsb674qNRjxt31S/s1600/P2103759.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnEufnSDh5nLVoWmZfYCV6c8KdSXbYfB0dGOgm3sz7j44H2dObI9sNptehay7jze78_rJKi3iu_h7SI4Lp-tIPYGkH7qP9nUnbuNgEfYpdNNboXucwSFMpxfLnX_NiFOsb674qNRjxt31S/s400/P2103759.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />They still have a few little dents here and there, but you can't tell (unless you are taking close up pictures of them). And you've got to give these guys a break. They were obviously involved in some sort of flood that had left them for dead.<br /><br />I'm loving the glow they cast.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8TpS7VK1t0iL2qiUEcJtOqkWezq78mB40SjognuZ7UlVBwEOogs80A6gL-UZlV6r45bX-zLHCSdzp8kiBzAMgiIv_fuy8YnGGFZfAHInRDepPeYgtJi7bxu28Q7hK5Z5oeQd3pkEt2eBS/s1600/P2103767.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8TpS7VK1t0iL2qiUEcJtOqkWezq78mB40SjognuZ7UlVBwEOogs80A6gL-UZlV6r45bX-zLHCSdzp8kiBzAMgiIv_fuy8YnGGFZfAHInRDepPeYgtJi7bxu28Q7hK5Z5oeQd3pkEt2eBS/s400/P2103767.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />So pretty. Saucy really. I feel like I need some candles and wine.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhte3Cp3aMwTpEXnU340FQv1rFVlZSxqYDi4Kf6IJuWfb4NG-vyySw2-7ck2ifQmtRvLtEdtHtoIRZaLLIOa4bP3zooLWxIBbKIDMsimY58qAzOhveT4kQ0_0QW2QKgziLMa1Zlc5pstaZP/s1600/P2103772.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhte3Cp3aMwTpEXnU340FQv1rFVlZSxqYDi4Kf6IJuWfb4NG-vyySw2-7ck2ifQmtRvLtEdtHtoIRZaLLIOa4bP3zooLWxIBbKIDMsimY58qAzOhveT4kQ0_0QW2QKgziLMa1Zlc5pstaZP/s400/P2103772.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />I'm in love. Especially after only spending under $10 for the whole thing - shades and paint. I think they will live in my entryway. I'll spend some time this weekend styling these bad boys up.<br /><br />But I'm not so sure they should go on these silver lamps. What do you think?<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJNenrgsqINifR2MNxVvJGCu4MgGNZWDM8b5B6h58lkhCyY7P9BahQ_RxreIE5Z14kYyWGZ6lI2HtQ3__vvYok9o00KPahSW7lpkzRKEVbReLbkC-m4WNP1IAalK0cCUNN6eqXdw6sF4QF/s1600/P2103776.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJNenrgsqINifR2MNxVvJGCu4MgGNZWDM8b5B6h58lkhCyY7P9BahQ_RxreIE5Z14kYyWGZ6lI2HtQ3__vvYok9o00KPahSW7lpkzRKEVbReLbkC-m4WNP1IAalK0cCUNN6eqXdw6sF4QF/s640/P2103776.JPG" width="426" /></a></div><br />Should I paint the lamps too? (trust me, they aren't precious) I don't want blow my $10 margin with some crazy expensive lamps. Maybe Goodwill? Any ideas?<br /><br />In other news, I'm staring at an electrician's crack as I <strike>speak</strike> type so we can finally wrap up this living room project. So what do you think? Do I have more gold painting in my future?<br /><br /><i>Linking up to <a href="http://emilyaclark.blogspot.com/2013/03/working-with-what-you-have-link-up.html" target="_blank">Emily Clark's Working With What You Have</a>. </i><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ZrFkG7XxGEXhm5g_gq-zyYxi6u10Rh8UcexOCOO41cy5Q86JTm39YXxNW2APBMrM2LVk6y5ZcrwqylyvxinJifhXGon8ZgvuQ-SyWrnzBFKh6R4KSGYoWKkPMPd3MOXB1Cdbp2qKzmfe/s1600/WWWYHbutton6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ZrFkG7XxGEXhm5g_gq-zyYxi6u10Rh8UcexOCOO41cy5Q86JTm39YXxNW2APBMrM2LVk6y5ZcrwqylyvxinJifhXGon8ZgvuQ-SyWrnzBFKh6R4KSGYoWKkPMPd3MOXB1Cdbp2qKzmfe/s320/WWWYHbutton6.png" width="223" /></a></div><br />

gold metallic glow

C'mon ride the train. Woo Hoo. The gold train. Sorry, I'll stop. But I'm seeing it everywhere, and I'm joining in the fun. I...

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CONTROL: WHAT YOU DO TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.

One of the funniest things we do as humans is try to control things, especially controlling how we are perceived by others. We follow an idea of how something should be and we try to force the idea within ourselves and others. A perfect example of this is clothing.<br /><br />Observe how jeans have changed in the last thirty years. It starts with an artist who designs a shape, a color, or a logo. Then there is judgment of anything other than that. The people who want to control others to feel better about themselves are the most critical and in order to perceive themselves as higher in a pecking order of value, they judge others who don't wear the trend. Then followers who are defined by how their clothes are judged, follow the opinion of the most critical, again, to avoid judgment and to feel more valuable. As the fear of judgment and fear of being less valuable in the eyes of others continues as a ripple affect, the overall dress code changes. From bell bottoms to straight leg, to skinny jeans, back to bell bottoms, and again skinny jeans, and etc.<br /><br />Recognize this cycle with music, make-up, careers, cars, religious rules, the house you live in and where it's located, the wrist-watch you wear, the purse you carry, how you do your hair, etc. Notice how you control your children, so that they are also perceived as more valuable to others, so that you are perceived more valuable to others. Do you force your daughter to wear her hair in a way she doesn't like, just so that you don't feel like a "bad" mother? Do you make your children wear certain clothes so that they are perceived as better? Have you changed their personality to match what you think makes a better person, in your opinion?<br /><br />The most critical controls of values are religion, politics, money, and looks. We perceive our value by the what the most addicted, judgmental, and opinionated people vocalize. It's the extremists that teach fear, who judge, who reject and abandon, who hate, and who have the smallest sense of worth that is defined by hierarchy, control, and the manipulation of others. <br /><br />If that critical person was your parents, your spouse, and is now you, you probably have an addiction and you're probably miserable with life. You constantly judge others, fear others, hate others, and can't figure out why life is so awful.  Do you really believe that by following rules that you are a better person and that people will like you better? If someone likes you better because you follow their rules, judgment, and change yourself to avoid their criticism, aren't you now a slave to their opinion? Does that opinion define you as a person? <br /><br />Are you dictating someone to change who they are to make you feel better about yourself, to meet your insecure demands? Did your parents do this to you and are you continuing to do this to your children and other people? Is your addiction what you control because you don't want to hurt another person like other people hurt you? Did they abuse you because they made it your job to make them feel better about themselves, similar to how you use your addition of choice to make you feel better? <br /><br />The problem is the false definitions of value that others enforce with their piercing judgment and criticism. Their criticism comes from their own insecurity, and the more insecure someone is the more judgmental they get. By judging you and trying to change your rules of value to theirs, you're less likely to judge in return and much easier to control.  Eventually, we are all the same (like robots) and we're all safe from judgment! But if we are all the same, how would we know who is more valuable or higher in the pecking order of value?<br /><br />Judgment requires there be a reference point of value so we'd have to continually change what defines a person better than another. That's why people who need to be highest on the pecking order change what is acceptable, or make the rules more strict. This is how we get extremests, fundamentalists, and people who are dangerous to others and justify abuse-- even to children.<br /><br />So people get meaner, things get more expensive, rules get stricter, people get more critical, and you never feel at peace with what exists because someone out there is always looking down at you like a puny little spec of nothing. But that large need to look down on others is only a reflection of how small they feel inside.  And in reality, you needing them to tell you what to do, and their need to control who and what you are is all in the same: fear of no value and resulting rejection.<br /><br />But without fear of outside opinion of value, we are still the same. Without judgment one persons value isn't more or less than another persons. And the truth is, we all have undescribable and unique value, and not one person has more value than another. But when we seek our value from the opinion of others, we are trying to define that uniqueness and attempting to create a control of it, and that is where everything gets out of balance. As soon as you give someone the power to define your value, you are now a slave to their opinion and if they use that power to feel better about themselves, the pendulum swing begins. This is an "every action has an equal or opposite reaction" situation. <br /><br />If your self-worth is developed from what is real and without outward definition, then no-one has the control or power to take away or give to your value with their opinion. With that you can love others unconditionally, the same as you love yourself unconditionally.  The pendulum balances in the middle and what exists just exists and you accept what is and nothing becomes nothing and you become something. That something exists without control.

CONTROL: WHAT YOU DO TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.

One of the funniest things we do as humans is try to control things, especially controlling how we are perceived by others. We follow an ide...

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