Hey Hey Hey bitches! Heir to Hollywood Royalty, singer, performer, ladies’ man, sexual dynamo and possessor or a Hood Pass, Robin Thicke here. Please, stop throwing your moist panties at your computer while reading my sexy words on this here blog. Save them for the genii behind the IWS Entertainment Empire, Matt-Man and Jayman. No need to thank me guys, I have plenty of hot sexy groupies to share a couple with lesser men like you guys. Of course, all men are lesser to me.
I wanted a place where I could defend Miley Cyrus from all the unfair and outrageous attacks on her stemming from her, uh, I mean our performance on the VMAs. Well, really it was HER performance that people are upset over. I haven’t gotten any flack at all.
See folks, Miley didn’t want to do such a raunchy performance. She wanted to do a traditional performance where she got up there on stage in a tasteful, yet sexy dress and sang with me. Basically she wanted to be the pure and innocent lady she is. But, what I can I say? A couple of minutes into rehearsal with me and the clothes were coming off. Happens all the time to me! I’m serious …
- When I was six Jazmine Johnson wanted begged me to sit on my lap and for me to hold her while we went down the slide at the playground.
- When I was nine I was standing behind Shanice Jordan waiting for my turn at the pencil sharpener when Shanice asked me to stand really close behind her and crank the pencil sharpener for her.
- When I was fourteen my dad’s costar on “Growing Pains” Johanna Kerns told me she wanted to learn to play golf and asked if I would get behind her and put my arms around her and teach her to swing.
- When I was seventeen my photography teacher Mrs. Stone asked me to help her in the dark room and after the lights when out she started “accidentally” bumping my crotch with her phat ass.
Shit like this has happened to me all my life. I don’t do anything to bring these situations on. I’m naturally so damn sexy that women throw themselves at me. I start singing my special brand of white guy hip-hop and the next thing I know girls are dancing with me and grinding on me and telling me they want to do all kinds of nasty things to me.
Same thing happened to me in my video for my Summer Rape Anthem “Blurred Lines.” I’m singing along with track, trying to make a nice video for everyone out there to enjoy and damned if Emily Ratajkowski doesn’t get all naked and start grinding all over me! It’s crazy y’all!
So I think you can all see how this isn’t Miley’s fault. It isn’t really my fault either. Not that anyone has said it was my fault in any way. It’s kind of cool how all the blame is being put on the bitch girl. The blame lies with this damn out of control sexiness and animal magnetism I have. I start out trying to just do a straight up duet with someone on the VMAs and before I know it I look down and some 20 year old hottie is in her bra and very moist panties grinding her bony little ass against my 36 year old Thicke Stick™ while I’m innocently singing “I know you want it …. I know you want it … I know you want it …”
Honestly? I wish I could stop it. I wish I wasn’t this damn sexy. I wish every woman didn’t want me so badly. But, this is the way God made me and I just have to live with it. I promise to use my sexy powers only for good though. Sure, I’ve turned a few lesbos straight in my day, but no more. I promise. It’s just not right.
Oh one other thing. Mika Brzezinski, call me baby. I’ll loosen you up sexy lady.
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Posted by: Tukiyooo
Robin Thicke Defends Miley Cyrus Updated at :
9:00 PM
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
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