Let there be light

Yesterday's post was pretty depressing. I almost deleted it when I read it this morning. I guess we all have days where we're a little off (I was way off!). The day actually got a lot better, the sun came out and that always cheers me up. <br /><br />I bought my ankle weights yesterday. The store only had three and four-pound ankle weights. I thought that wasn't going to be heavy enough. I was hoping to buy heavier weights, more like eight or ten pounds for each ankle. I purchased the pair of four-pound weights and headed off to the gym. <br /><br />When I got to the gym and pulled the weights out of the box I thought, wow, this four-pound weight is actually really heavy. Four pounds sounds like nothing to me. Well, it turns out that four pounds on each ankle is really HEAVY! <br /><br />I strapped on the weights and as I walked to the StairMaster I could really feel the heaviness of the eight pounds. It was like walking through mud. I climbed on the StairMaster and had the workout of my life. I did thirty minutes on the StairMaster where I thought I was going to die. Then I did my 45 minutes upper body workout. <br /><br />Again, there were only guys in the heavy weight area. Where are the women? I lift 15, 20, and 25-pound dumbbells, and the Olympic sized barbell without weights (it's 45 pounds by itself - I know because I weighed it on the scale). It's not like these are super heavy weights, but usually I'm the only woman in this area, with a bunch of bulked out guys. I guess I'm use to it but why aren't more women lifting free weights? They all seem to stick to the weight machines. Anyway, just a rant of mine. <br /><br />After the weights I decided to get back on the StairMaster with my ankle weights on. Normally I can never get my heart rate up past 144 for any length of time. Keep in mind, 1.) I'm 55 and 2.) my resting heart rate is 50. Yesterday my heart rate got up to 151 the second time on the StairMaster, and I kept it there for 15 minutes! I hit some sort of weird, sweet spot where it didn't hurt and I wasn't panting like a dog. The sweat was pouring off of me but I was breathing almost normally. I even thought maybe the machines heart rate monitor was broken but my own Polar said the same thing. 151. Really weird.<br /><br />After my workout I was ravenous. My HRM said I'd burned 606 calories and I'd only eaten breakfast and a banana (it was 5pm). I overate on chicken, veggies and fruit. My weight this morning was 180.2. Not what I wanted to see. <br /><br />Today's another day and today I'm back to tracking my food. I haven't tracked for the last few days. Who wants to write down cookies and candy in their food journal? It's embarrassing.<br /><br />My new plan is just that, if I "cheat" and eat more than I should or eat something I really have no business eating, I'll post it in my online food journal and then on here for the whole world to see. I'm deleting the food diary blog. I'll add the food journal pages to the bottom of my post for that day. I don't like having two blogs that need updating every day. Too much work.<br /><br />Okay, so it's a new day, a new me. Let there be light!

Let there be light

Yesterday's post was pretty depressing. I almost deleted it when I read it this morning. I guess we all have days where we're a litt...

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"Who's Crazy Now?" - Noir City 9, Opening Night

<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-JyO4o0Un7rnr0sZ98fRzfqZgm7T1_5crq_G3BROeKC5cLGeW8yMVymdbjpXYATgfsPgLY6qiMPA0K_NYM-QPUPwssh0AiFRWIhvRJBfK7r4toWgV2PWBtuKbhZorGO20FHtlhlJ8wE0E/s1600/strangerfloor%255B2%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="209" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-JyO4o0Un7rnr0sZ98fRzfqZgm7T1_5crq_G3BROeKC5cLGeW8yMVymdbjpXYATgfsPgLY6qiMPA0K_NYM-QPUPwssh0AiFRWIhvRJBfK7r4toWgV2PWBtuKbhZorGO20FHtlhlJ8wE0E/s320/strangerfloor%255B2%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stranger on the Third Floor</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">So…I paid my 10 bucks to park in the lot adjacent to Sullivan’s Funeral Home on Market Street in San Francisco and was heading for the Wells Fargo ATM near 16^th...I checked my phone and noticed a text message…my friend Dick, who I was to meet for dinner before attending opening night of San Francisco’s 9^th annual film noir festival.</span><br /><a name='more'></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I called him to find out where he was…on Castro St. between 18^th and 19^th - also on his way to an ATM. After we got our cash we met at Market and Castro and walked over to Café La Taza on 18^th to get a bite. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">By the time I finished my meal, glass of wine and coconut ice cream-over-a-warm-cookie dessert, it was quarter to seven and time to get to the theater…the line, we knew, would be long…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It was, and with our print-your-own-tickets in hand we got on line and waited for the doors to open. An eclectic crowd, we agreed...a sprinkling of ladies dressed in ‘40’s finery but most in street wear staring into space or talking with friends. Dick and I talked about my godson Nicky who’s thinking of going to his first big music concert, Coachella in April. </span> </div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PpW5ujVWJBHy6MK2okRzdRu4MWpIc_vEQ1SF6ONwb08qEzq5TAFOJPCsKPKqAcqICR-zDyJowWmg_alJ0BsOpZhyphenhyphenlI1Og8HMFm1ARGeGWIXG8r6KCub0fg6cGf5bKy3rG4HHgiwGXQZQ/s1600/castro2%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PpW5ujVWJBHy6MK2okRzdRu4MWpIc_vEQ1SF6ONwb08qEzq5TAFOJPCsKPKqAcqICR-zDyJowWmg_alJ0BsOpZhyphenhyphenlI1Og8HMFm1ARGeGWIXG8r6KCub0fg6cGf5bKy3rG4HHgiwGXQZQ/s320/castro2%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Noir City at San Francisco's Castro Theatre</td></tr></tbody></table> <br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Once inside we checked seating on the main floor and quickly headed up the steps to the balcony. The Castro has 1,400 seats, so if you get there reasonably on time it’s not hard to find decent seats.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The evening was obviously sold out - the theater filled quickly. Then the lights dimmed, music swelled and we were treated to an intoxicating 6-minute montage created by Serena Bramble featuring clips from the countless noir and neo-noir and crime-themed films set or shot in San Francisco…from <b>The Maltese Falcon </b>to <b>Dark Passage</b> to <b>Vertigo</b> to <b>Basic Instinct </b>and many others in between and beyond…the montage culminated with the greeting, “Welcome to Noir City” and the crowd erupted with cheers and applause…(<i><span style="color: #990000;">watch the montage below!</span></i>)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"> <br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfwVidTYFp0n2UmdaUaspWUqrnKVorFRz6tG9z_vzn3WoLdjBDQocy9IclS-7y_3WijM87COgq1iS3oCv4DWK5mIhRa_WKD5BAb1y9aKPu-DfVw7vPYcoaYhrXZ0LwwFqB7lWskXYl40o/s1600/Castro+exterior+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfwVidTYFp0n2UmdaUaspWUqrnKVorFRz6tG9z_vzn3WoLdjBDQocy9IclS-7y_3WijM87COgq1iS3oCv4DWK5mIhRa_WKD5BAb1y9aKPu-DfVw7vPYcoaYhrXZ0LwwFqB7lWskXYl40o/s200/Castro+exterior+2.jpg" width="135" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Castro Theatre</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial;">Next, Eddie Muller, founder of the Film Noir Foundation, took the stage. After introducing this year’s young and slinky Ms. Noir City, he talked about film noir and about the work of preservation and his passion for it. The first screening of the night, <b>High Wall</b> (1947) is one of three newly restored films to premiere at the festival. The UCLA Film & Television Archive supervised the creation of preservation prints with funding provided by the FNF. Muller thanked everyone for coming - the evening’s proceeds, he said, paid for the restoration of the film we were about to see. Finally, he dedicated the event to his friend, mystery writer Joe Gores, who very recently passed away.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The theme of Noir City 9 is <i>Who’s Crazy Now? </i>and both opening night films reflected that premise in spades…<b>High Wall</b> is primarily set in a psychiatric institution, and <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b> (1940) is about a reporter who suffers a paranoid episode (and fanastic dream) and features an out-and-out madman.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlzWkJ7AsP7bwFoDVq0c6M1EnFWDVib_LDZw8vaajsrhiJup1hSn7rZYV4le17KZ8ZPiq0M_jeBEfycUJ7TeNaoX63N4QAN6Rj6QH-4-1zmn1J7rCAwqoaZgM-4Hy63JtESrH2CC-7Tr6K/s1600/taylor+high+wall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlzWkJ7AsP7bwFoDVq0c6M1EnFWDVib_LDZw8vaajsrhiJup1hSn7rZYV4le17KZ8ZPiq0M_jeBEfycUJ7TeNaoX63N4QAN6Rj6QH-4-1zmn1J7rCAwqoaZgM-4Hy63JtESrH2CC-7Tr6K/s200/taylor+high+wall.jpg" width="185" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Robert Taylor, High Wall</td></tr></tbody></table><h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;">High Wall <span style="font-weight: normal;">stars Robert Taylor, still a major Hollywood star but slightly past his prime at the time this film was made. He and Herbert Marshall do the heavy lifting in this dark confection. Leading lady Audrey Totter was having a big year in 1947 with starring roles in this film as well as </span>The Lady in the Lake,<span style="font-weight: normal;"> and a co-starring role in </span>The Unsuspected<span style="font-weight: normal;">. She’s a little stiff as Taylor’s psychiatrist, but the script doesn't give her much help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Thankfully, Totter’s natural sex appeal manages to peek through from time to time. Herbert Marshall, who often played weak upstanding men, is the villain here. In a part that vaguely echoes his role in Hitchcock’s </span>Foreign Correspondent<span style="font-weight: normal;">, he is one of the strengths in this flawed thriller. To enjoy </span>High Wall<span style="font-weight: normal;">, suspension of disbelief is mandatory…the film is an entertaining snapshot rather than a stark reflection of the dark subtext of the post-war late ‘40s. </span></span></span></h1> <br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR6rxRsDJR_PwoQ1duLml6K4KamMi3uTkxdHMZf3CQt8PCQApp-00qoPSZWBM-R6aWL9e1MfZ7bmBkdk-Y1MgRvlRfcl7uPtQV3pfzLsr34noxsWQi5owKu8U1XVNyjgp3B5-rD6hWNLE1/s1600/160x400%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR6rxRsDJR_PwoQ1duLml6K4KamMi3uTkxdHMZf3CQt8PCQApp-00qoPSZWBM-R6aWL9e1MfZ7bmBkdk-Y1MgRvlRfcl7uPtQV3pfzLsr34noxsWQi5owKu8U1XVNyjgp3B5-rD6hWNLE1/s200/160x400%255B1%255D.jpg" width="80" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laura Ellis</td></tr></tbody></table> <span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Intermission. The evening continued with a performance by chanteuse <a href="http://www.lauraellisjazz.com/home.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Laura Ellis</span></a> who, clad in a gorgeous emerald green figure-hugging gown (think <b>Gilda</b>)<b> </b>crooned a luscious ballad that swept me back several decades to a time before my time. A protégé of <i>The Manhattan Transfer’s</i> Alan Paul, Ellis was a wonderful surprise. Would love to hear her version of “Green Eyes” or “Tangerine” and will be keeping an eye on her tour schedule.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">The evening just kept getting better. Muller returned with the special guest of the night, Judy Wyler Sheldon, daughter of director William Wyler and actress Margaret Tallichet. Tallichet was leading lady of the night's second feature, <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b>. Sheldon, who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and is on the board of the San Francisco Silent Film Society, recounted an anecdote about the first time she saw this film.</span> <br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj15iRTpiUZhc82bZbhY1myKQt6DwAS1xCUnAwYyva67wBno21rQ03GH8Pv-NIddfeaEzF2h-gtpwyw6HTe_V3-vUTzCj4w1LAPeeGPSuqLoHtf8Q7tTNkZgY3iqVmdJ3vzKgzILhTSVf8p/s1600/Wyler+Tallichet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj15iRTpiUZhc82bZbhY1myKQt6DwAS1xCUnAwYyva67wBno21rQ03GH8Pv-NIddfeaEzF2h-gtpwyw6HTe_V3-vUTzCj4w1LAPeeGPSuqLoHtf8Q7tTNkZgY3iqVmdJ3vzKgzILhTSVf8p/s1600/Wyler+Tallichet.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">William Wyler and Margaret Tallichet</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">In the 1970s a small local film club advertised a screening of <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b> and Sheldon decided to attend; she hadn't seen any of her mother's films up to that point. She decided to invite her dad and mom to come along - which they did. As it turned out, the screening was in the home of the club's president and when Judy showed up with not only her husband but her illustrious father and her mother, one of the film's stars, all jaws dropped. She mentioned to the rapt Noir City 9 audience that she hadn't been sure how her father would take <i>not</i> being the center of attention for once, but he turned out to be game and the evening was a big hit. Sometime later Judy Sheldon attended another of the film club's screenings and noticed that the check her father had written to cover admittance had never been cashed but was in a frame on the wall.</span><br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipM_djRDIPqggmhrXVTyZevruFkibEHzcVnkWoVekqyXWQs1csd2E7lYUW9bvKrNNyW1ZYbU0PuJ48W_CNeHp9IZbOUrgpIQnoXYyZ2Xqp9n8rCX9eDX-UbKv_IE73Rsoibz7_zOZnmr2r/s1600/stranger%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipM_djRDIPqggmhrXVTyZevruFkibEHzcVnkWoVekqyXWQs1csd2E7lYUW9bvKrNNyW1ZYbU0PuJ48W_CNeHp9IZbOUrgpIQnoXYyZ2Xqp9n8rCX9eDX-UbKv_IE73Rsoibz7_zOZnmr2r/s320/stranger%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scenes from Stranger on the Third Floor</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><b>Stranger on the Third Floor </b>is a 64 minute "B" effort from RKO. BUT. It has been called America's first film noir for its stylistic elements - highlighted by one fabulous and surreal dream sequence. Art Director Van Nest Polglase was involved in just about every RKO film made from 1931 to 1942...including <b>Citizen Kane</b> (1941). Watch <b>Stranger</b> and <b>Kane</b> - a visual connection is unmistakable. The film also boasts cinematographer Nicholas Musuraca (<b>Out of the Past</b>). While there are recognizable faces in the film (Peter Lorre as "the stranger," Elisha Cook, Jr. as Briggs), the two leads are relatively unknown. Margaret Tallichet made few films and was more occupied with her marriage to William Wyler and their family. John McGuire, who plays the reporter, had bit parts in <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b>, <b>White Heat</b> and<b> Sands of Iwo Jima </b>but was off the big screen by 1952. Lorre doesn't have that much screen time, but his scenes are mesmerizing and chilling. Though essentially a "B" morality tale, <b>Stranger on the Third Floor</b> is a must-see for those interested in the evolution of film noir...and American cinema...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">Noir City 9 runs through January 30...if there's any chance you can attend - do! This is one of the premiere noir fests in the world and worth every penny of the $10 ticket price ($100 for a festival pass). I'll be back on Wednesday for Jean Renoir's legendary <b>The Woman on the Beach </b>(1947).</span><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/U_XCfk5fWWs" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="480"></iframe>

Audrey Totter Eddie Muller Elisha Cook Jr. Film Noir High Wall Margaret Tallichet Noir City 9 Peter Lorre Robert Taylor Stranger on the Third Floor The Lady Eve (author) William Wyler "Who's Crazy Now?" - Noir City 9, Opening Night

Stranger on the Third Floor So…I paid my 10 bucks to park in the lot adjacent to Sullivan’s Funeral Home on Market Street in San Francisco a...

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Hawaii is off, I can't lose weight and life kind of sucks

This isn't a happy post because I'm not feeling very happy. <br /><br />The Hawaii trip isn't going to happen. It's a long, sad story. Basically my sister that lost her husband of 52 years in November of 2009, doesn't want to go back to Hawaii without him. Their last big vacation together was in Hawaii. I totally understand. I'm just a little sad that we can't all go and have fun together. Maybe next year.<br /><br />About my weight. I just don't know what to say anymore. I feel like I constantly post about how I'm going to do this and all my great plans, then I fall flat on my face. I went down a couple pounds during the week, but today I'm back up to 180. My face fell into a bag of cookies and a lot of candy. I won't bore you with the details but six days of hard work can and was totally destroyed by one evening of total madness. <br /><br />I'm trying hard to not totally hate myself right now. It's not easy. Even though I know it doesn't make me a bad person because I have an eating disorder, I can't help but feel there's something terribly wrong with me. Why on earth do I keep doing this to myself? As hard as I try, I can't figure out the answer to that question. I'm still working on trying to find the answer, but at this point, it's still an unknown.<br /><br />I have The Big Climb looming in front of me on March 20. 1,311 steps. 69 floors. What the hell was I thinking to get a team of people together to do this? I certainly can't back out. I have to do it. I have a team of ten right now, and about ten others that said they're going to sign up. I'm the team captain. I'm a little freaked out about the whole thing. Lugging my fat ass up 69 floors. If you don't hear from me after March 20 you can rest assured I dropped dead of a heart attack.<br /><br />In a few minutes I'm heading up to the store to buy ankle weights and then to the gym to do the StairMaster. I read somewhere that ankles weights and the StairMaster are good training for the Big Climb. <br /><br />The dreary Seattle weather isn't helping either. I can't remember the last time I saw the sun. This morning the weather guy on TV made a big deal about what a great weekend we're going to have. What he meant was we're going to have dark, gray skies, no sign of the sun, but no rain. No rain is considered a nice weekend. Hey - the sun just popped out for a second as I wrote this. Weird. The skies are almost black but somehow the sun peeked out. Hmmm...maybe there's hope after all. <br /><br />Sorry for my bad attitude today. I know people don't come hear to read doom and gloom. It's just how I'm feeling. I can't seem to get past it today, and I don't even feel like trying.

Hawaii is off, I can't lose weight and life kind of sucks

This isn't a happy post because I'm not feeling very happy. The Hawaii trip isn't going to happen. It's a long, sad story. B...

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Belief vs Unbelief: Cleaning Up The Playing Field

The revival of atheism these days strikes me as a natural response to religious violence, bigotry, and hatred in the world. But I confess to growing impatient with the current debate between the atheists and the believers. With few exceptions, our contemporary voices are shrill and thin as compared to people who were carrying on the same argument at a deeper level and with greater integrity a few decades ago. Forgive me for sounding like an old fogey, but today’s argument sounds like the religious equivalent of what we might hear on Fox News or MSNBC. It is mostly facile name-calling.<br /><br />Does it matter? Quite possibly not much. It is unlikely that anyone has ever been argued into believing anything of importance very deeply. Either one experiences God intuitively or one does not. Of course the culture either supports or suppresses experience by shaping its interpretation. Hence, people in 17th Century France were apt to have visions of the Blessed Virgin while in Tibet they would entertain visions of dancing Dakinis. Today the chances of experiencing either are greatly diminished by assumptions about reality that France inherits from left bank existentialism and that Tibet is being force-fed by China. Our world view assumptions are shaped more by artists, scientists, and parents than pop religion or anti-religion pundits. Still, the debate is part of the background noise of our lives and I find its tenor irritating.<br /><br />Christian, Jewish, and Islamic beliefs are all discredited by violence and bigotry perpetrated in our names. That kind of bad religion led to the anti-religion of Communism and the neo-pagan national religion of the German “Christian [sic]” Church in the 20th Century. In that bloodiest of centuries, atheism proved to be more lethal than religion had ever dreamed of being. See Alistair MacGrath, “The Twilight Of Atheism.” We have learned the hard way that when religion is taken out of the picture, we torture and kill each other over political and ecnonomic ideology. In the absence of religion that admits it is religion, we form secular religions, state-worship with flag rituals, sainted martyrs of the state, holy places (usually battle fields) and temples of the government, and sacred texts that can be viewed in the sacred city by pilgrims. The creed is taught by secular rabbis in public schools. See Robert Bellah, “Habits Of The Heart.” All this is forgotten by the pop atheists. (I do not include in this category one contemporary atheist writer, Jennifer Michael Hecht, whose book, “Doubt: A History,” is nuanced, honest, and decent.) Bad religion is invariably rooted in a bad image of God, which inevitably leads to bad behavior in the name of that bad God. When Christopher Hitchen, et al. attack such bad religion, they are in good company. Our great 1940’s Archbishop of Canterbury William Temple said, “If you have the wrong idea of God, better that you were an atheist.” Amen.<br /><br />So what would I like to see in the debate? I’d like to see Philip Pullman’s straw men pulled from the game so we can speak face to face, not through avatars, seeing each other as we are and not as caricatures. I’d like to see us begin with a definition of terms so we can see what’s truly at stake. I’d like to see a distinction between theism and monotheism. Frankly, I’d like to see the debate between theism and monotheism move to the fore since it is vastly more interesting, albeit admittedly less fundamental.<br /><br />This is where I would begin. The fundamental question is one of value. Does anything matter? Is one painting more beautiful than another? Is it better to be happy than sad? Is life better than death? Is a forest better than a slum? Or are all things truly equal? Is the field of reality flat? This is absolutely foundational to the discussion, because once one admits value into the field of reality; one is at grave risk of experiencing such things as love, reverence, and awe. Values are fraught with that peril. Hence, the great atheists of yesteryear (Sartre, Camus, Russell) faced the issue head on and insisted that nothing matters. The field is flat. There is no such thing as beauty, meaning, or even truth. They did not prove their claim. They did not even offer warrants or evidence for it, but they asserted it with the seductive smoky-bar cynicism of post-War France and it was persuasive. The world, which once was a lake in which one could dive, became a frozen pond, on which one could only skate. (Camus)<br /><br />I respect the integrity and the intelligence of those atheists far more than the illogical twists of today’s true believers in unbelief (Eric Hofer, “The True Believer”). See, for example, “Hysterical Scientism: The Ecstasy of Richard Dawkins,” by Marilynne Robinson in the November 2006 issue of Harpers, <a href="http://www.harpers.org/archive/2006/11/0081282">www.harpers.org/archive/2006/11/0081282</a>; or more generally <a href="http://www.atheistdelusion.net/">www.atheistdelusion.net</a>. The atheists of the past century began at the honest starting place and they followed their premise to the ultimate and inescapable issue of suicide. If reality is in fact devoid of truth, beauty, and goodness, if there is no meaning to life, is not suicide then the inevitable response, the only authentic response? They argued, again without logic but with a heroic and compelling rhetoric, for a self-made value of the solitary individual shaking his fist at everything. Camus, “The Rebel.”<br /><br /> So let us begin with asking if anything matters. Let us ask if the behavior of some people, say perhaps Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King, Jr., is in some respect better than that of others, say Jeffrey Dahmer or Pol Pot. Let us ask if there is anything worthy of reverence or love? Then if there is, we may ask, “What is the basis for our holding one thing in greater reverence than another? In what value are our values grounded?” At the most basic level, we notice that there is something rather than nothing. The universe is here. It is vast and wonderful. Perhaps we are in awe of it. How could we not be? Then we ponder that if the universe has a source (which, in light of the Big Bang, it apparently does), even, especially, a mysterious source, that thought may evoke our reverence.<br /><br />If something evokes our love and reverence, then we are, despite ourselves, theists – perhaps not classical theists, but we are people who bend the knee to something of value. Is that the God of monotheism? Not necessarily. But we are theists. As a matter of definition, I would say that if one holds that the value of all things is rooted in one supreme value, one highest good, then one is a monotheist. If one holds that things have independent values that are not bound together (for example that beauty is independent of truth and truth is independent of beauty -- that our source and our destiny are both awesome but are not related to each other) then one is a polytheist. <br /><br />Some of today’s self-proclaimed atheists elevate various things to the status of an ultimate value. Some, who also call themselves “humanists,” regard the flourishing of our own species as the ultimate value against which everything else must be measured. Naturally, others, such as deep ecologists, find the elevation of our own species as the ultimate value of the cosmos to be arbitrary, illogical, reprehensibly self-serving, and turgid with hubris – a collective self-worship. Some take the“scientific method” to be the ultimate truth, thereby repudiating values grounded in art, literature, and the religious imagination. If you cannot scientifically prove that Beethoven’s sonatas are beautiful, perhaps even better than “The Horse With No Name” or “Achy Break-y Heart,” then in fact Beethoven’s sonatas are not of value. Ironically, these folks are actually monotheists. In an amusing turn of rhetoric, when the greatest true philosophical scientific atheist of our time, Anthony Flew, converted to theism, the pop atheists accused him of “apostasy.” They actually used that word. Flew, a lifelong devotee of the scientific method himself, adamantly denied their accusation that he had departed from the true way of scientism and insisted that his belief in God was just the place he found himself after “following the evidence,” starting with the Big Bang. See Anthony Flew, “There Is A God.” For both Dawkins and Flew, the existence of God is “a scientific question.” (Dawkins actually used those words in his debate with geneticist Francis Collins). Dawkins and Flew just come to different scientific conclusions. Francis Collins says that God’s existence is either true or false, but that does not necessarily mean that it is a “scientific question.” Though Collins is one of the world’s foremost scientists, he has not “drunk the Kool-Aid” of scientism. Different methods of inquiry are better suited for different questions. It’s a matter of the right tool for the right job.<br /><br />Still, it is a huge leap from polytheism, as I have defined it, to monotheism. It is a huge leap to say that truth, beauty, and goodness are connected. “Beauty is truth; truth, beauty. That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know,” said young John Keats shortly before he died. What a claim! And to say that goodness is inextricably bound to truth and beauty makes the claim even greater. Now add the notion that this sea of truth/beauty/goodness was the spawning ground of all reality, and that changes all our assumptions and our experience of everything. “Surely the strange beauty of the world must rest somewhere on pure joy,” the American poet Louse Bogan wrote. Now add the notion that this “pure joy,” which is born of the truth/beauty/goodness which is our source, is in fact our destiny. Such monotheism is rather overwhelming, at least to me.<br /><br />Now, the God I have described, you Barthians will be quick to point out, is not necessarily the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; nor have I said a word about Jesus. In fact, my faith does not begin with nor is it rooted in the things I have been saying about value. My faith begins with and is rooted in experience, not one great “see the light” experience but an osmosis experience of God in prayer, worship, and daily life. I worship God because I cannot breathe without God and that experience has taught me far more about the Creator/Redeemer/Sanctifier God than I could know from all of philosophy and science put together.<br /><br />Since I have tried your patience too long dear reader and have come to the end of my own energy, I will stop here. But I will offer this hint for your own musing. If the reality in which we live partakes of the personal – thinking, feeling, willing – and not merely mechanical processes, then where does the personal come from. What does the presence of the personal tell us about the source and destiny of the universe? What does the presence of the personal tell us about the nature of truth, beauty, and goodness? Think carefully on these things – very carefully -- because they could lead you to consider strange and wonderful things about Jesus.

Belief vs Unbelief: Cleaning Up The Playing Field

The revival of atheism these days strikes me as a natural response to religious violence, bigotry, and hatred in the world. But I confess to...

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I'm so excited about....Hawaii!

<div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_CNnNgV_32CmDLb4exziyL9g-WgAJHvix53d3_sbWtg1UutMMO0XZj4Usfb30AA7oNYNVF2o-t_LuRZ3nG2Jr_9UNvZ5IIk_OMt9u3phiJLqu_GYslKS2LEXwa3KE30ZXsy3k3-vsn1O/s1600/a-24-tropical-day-web-lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_CNnNgV_32CmDLb4exziyL9g-WgAJHvix53d3_sbWtg1UutMMO0XZj4Usfb30AA7oNYNVF2o-t_LuRZ3nG2Jr_9UNvZ5IIk_OMt9u3phiJLqu_GYslKS2LEXwa3KE30ZXsy3k3-vsn1O/s400/a-24-tropical-day-web-lg.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><div align="center"><br /></div>I just got off the phone with my niece that lives in North Pole, Alaska (near Fairbanks, AK). It's currently -32 degrees (that's below zero). We're planning a girls' trip to Hawaii in March, my two nieces, my sister and myself. We kind of talked about it when I was there in December, but we decided to make it happen. It's going to be super fun.<br /><br />The only trick is I have to be back by March 20 for the <a href="http://www.llswa.org/site/PageNavigator/BC_homepage">Big Climb</a>, and we plan on leaving for Hawaii March 11.<br /><br />I haven't gone on a "girls only" trip since college! <br /><br />I skipped the gym this morning, on purpose. I've only had two days off in the last 16 days. I had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast date with my two best girlfriends at IHOP (ugh!). I had the Slim and Fit Mushroom and Tomato Omelet with fresh fruit for 5 Points (330 calories). It was actually pretty good, and I had them use egg substitute so maybe even a little less on the calories. <br /><br />I love that they put the calories on the menus now. I think that's just about the coolest thing ever. Of course, it was only calories (and my girlfriends' breakfasts were 1,200 calories each!). I still had to go to the website to get all the nutritional info for the Points calculation. The calories alone really helped me make a good choice.<br /><br />Even though no gym today, I managed to walked our 60 steps of stairs at work during lunch, <strong>twelve</strong> times, or 720 steps. Part of my training plan for the Big Climb is to do this twice a day (in addition to my gym workout). The Big Climb is 1,311 steps, with no stops. I'm a little worried about what I got myself into with this thing. I just hope I don't totally embarrass myself and need a medic to resuscitate me when I'm halfway to the top!<br /><br />About Hawaii, I've been to the islands many times in my life, maybe eight or nine. I can't really remember for sure, but it's been a lot. Remember, I'm from Alaska and that's where people from Alaska go for a vacation. Also, I've worked for an airline for 27 years. I even went to college over there for a year. I totally and completely love Hawaii. And I love my sister and nieces so this trip is going to be a blast!<br /><br />Now not only do I have to get in shape for the Big Climb, but also for the beach!

I'm so excited about....Hawaii!

I just got off the phone with my niece that lives in North Pole, Alaska (near Fairbanks, AK). It's currently -32 degrees (that's bel...

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Envivo De Michoacan II

Every day I forget that my purposes for what I do are only my purposes. God invariably has larger plans. Today I set out to study Spanish, and so I did -- in the morning – more irregular verbs and rules for when to use and when to omit articles. (Those who speak languages are strictly bound to obey the rules; but those who create the rules make up exceptions at will. Where is the justice in that?)<br /><br />This afternoon, I was supposed to go with the other students on a guided (in Spanish) walking tour of the city. But the tour was cancelled so I walked alone and found myself at the Cathedral – a beautiful old Gothic building. Along with a scattered group of clearly devout people, I spent some time praying in the nave, then went to pray in the Lady Chapel which was crowded with people praying fervently on a Wednesday afternoon. It is a holy thing to be surrounded by so much reverence. As I began to leave, I heard the beginning of mass at the main altar so I stayed for worship. It was an unexpected blessing.<br /><br />I then walked back to the school for Conversation Club, an informal gathering for casual discourse, the point of which is to practice one’s language. I went to practice Spanish, but found myself at a table of young Mexicans who needed to work on their English. So we spoke English most of the time, as we sat outside on the roof the school, the darkness falling around us.<br /><br />One of the young men at my table is an artist, a sketch artist who wants to become a “real” artist and his passion is to paint sacred art. He was a bit shy about this since his teachers and fellow students have told him he is in the wrong century for that kind of painting. This issue set me off and I found myself giving a lecture on theology – how religion is a language about the ineffable mystery, it is a set of symbols pointing toward things that cannot be spoken – and art can sometimes suggest the mystery better than words – Caravaggio was the greatest theologian of his day.<br /><br />Then I rambled on to what we mean by “God” and how for the past few centuries we have identified “God” with dominating power – and if “God” means our highest value and God is defined by such power, then we worship power. The effect on our souls is to make us power mongers and that is the religious root of violence.<br /><br />But an older view of God as the Supreme Beauty has been reclaimed by contemporary theologians beginning with Hans Urs Von Balthasar. We call to mind the greatest beauty we can imagine. Then we consider that there may be a beauty beyond that, something we cannot touch even with our imaginations, and in that thought we begin to approach God. Such a view of God opens us to pay attention, to apprehend beauty, to be transformed by beauty. The transforming power of spiritual beauty is the meaning of the beatific vision in Dante.<br /><br />I noticed this group of young people was utterly and completely with me, caught up in my spontaneous sermon on faith and the visual arts. The artist was genuinely inspired. So I said to myself, “And I thought I was just here to study Spanish. Maybe God intended to nurture my soul with the silent reverence of those people praying in the cathedral. And maybe God gave me a message someone needed to hear.” I actually believe God did. Maybe someday someone’s soul will be touched in some blessed way by a painting, and they will be grateful for this work by Rivera (his name, like Diego) but will never know that Rivera’s approach to painting drew in a small way on spiritual guidance he received from a nameless American cleric in Morelia circa 2011 – or that the nameless cleric spoke out of the silence he had just experienced among the nameless faithful gathered to pray on a Wednesday afternoon in the Cathedral, people who prayed for their own purposes, not knowing that God intended their piety to touch a foreigner who would in turn touch a young artist who would someday touch someone not yet born.

Envivo De Michoacan II

Every day I forget that my purposes for what I do are only my purposes. God invariably has larger plans. Today I set out to study Spanish, a...

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20 weeks

<p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlQvIQqvs1uCxSSaQ-U3rY2AqUO2P2HJU3Gi6UP90LwMWy6-BL8iKDr1O7GQe7oM25EEFH0jeOSjwcZweAYO7q2W2okgZg3IYGneia2vuAVP5RjTKWJ4ARyqjTVHI-8oqnTCScTfOx2T7s/s1600-h/20%20weeks%20-%202.2.11%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="20 weeks - 2.2.11" border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9efi_My6xRf66vAf0K3aeMXmQ5BOiu9fRJNHej5pF7hZAOYddEJZ1TqIe8fqdsp9ZpAhKN1p1Slc82aQY94ANQ5_O_Yz-50r36h6K5xeRVCN73KspZCcwqNNAeWcqUDGrWK-YZtGvkqS/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="20 weeks - 2.2.11" width="304"></a>  <strong>Pregnancy Highlights:</strong> <blockquote> <p><strong>How Far Along:</strong> 20 Weeks <p><strong>Size of baby:</strong> Baby Bangert is the size of a cantaloupe <p><strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> gained 18lbs <p><strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> I wear maternity jeans and pants but everything else is regular.  Things are getting tighter though! <p><strong>Gender:</strong> It’s a girl!!! <p><strong>Movement:</strong> Beginning to feel my little girl more lots more these days!  <p><strong>Sleep:</strong> Not too bad, I get up a few times throughout the night to go to the bathroom. I guess it’s preparing me for a newborn! <p><strong>What I miss:</strong> Sleeping on my stomach and a bigger selection of clothes! <p><strong>Cravings:</strong> I don't have specific cravings. I just like to eat! ;) I don’t think ice cream counts, I love that anytime! <p><strong>Symptoms:</strong> Really can’t complain! Feeling pretty well! <p><strong>Best Moment this week:</strong> Finding out & seeing our baby girl! Amazing!</p></blockquote> <p>Last Tuesday we had our ultrasound appointment. Kyle was there (of course) and Aunt Wendi came too! It was so amazing to see that little life inside me!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-U0VAN6ASmugLlzQXyzWiAGIqLe5HggVTtPzycLB2LYHMY5Z4BWp_uWXdIG4NKvL_tYoCj2h2zJ7AhmFkaSPWnOarhkTFFFu_Ks6_ZjBc9F7Nsax8dMEyNbhrKNBSi9hUEql3bGQGtPix/s1600-h/1.25.11%20ultrasound%5B5%5D.jpg"><img alt="1.25.11 ultrasound" border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCHHr4_RW6MK_2LyY9myBJpjSfi4I5hdZx9KBJkidyaLqEm7oXmHfZRzhGvtUbBzhTDZF7vUp7AxmQHTIdKtQJIOPfUIubWBfv8mIAGHIkcp1RjTWlwK4reWeKCf9gkY0dl_no_g7vViwI/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="1.25.11 ultrasound" width="404"></a>Thursday we had our follow up appointment with the Doctor and said she looks perfectly healthy. Kyle got a kick out of her saying “baby looks proportional”! They measured me about 6 days ahead, but wanted to stick with my original due date, maybe that means Baby Girl Bangert will come before June 16th! <p align="center"><strong><em>Nursery Preview!  </em></strong> <p align="left">Kyle painted while we were off work over Christmas break. We chose <a href="http://www.restorationhardware.com/">Restoration Hardware</a> “light silver sage” for a color. It’s a light blue/gray. I knew it would (obviously) work for a boy, but thought if we added pink to the room it would look great for a girl too!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimwSK9WCv-xDnEANA25QYRRu2XV4wr8VrRTVKQKa8VKYOC0L4DGNQS49NCAl3f4QHF4v5dq8-pbEr6nbU9GxneipsULsW1z3LcP078pXlmoO-ngGDxLJGLX7_2oyirBVpypxXFQax5q6jt/s1600-h/image-6082303950851780%5B4%5D.jpg"><img alt="image-6082303950851780" border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6v6QjZ2xucls2zBUXmbl8Fznxr1p4DQqpkW52JXzqtimAhOyiK0Nnu9VFfA7RN7RZSG7K21fhj_xOuT2N_NmTk5XUAv9d8_0uHNRoVQzS1ti1pmwCoRUvcNt1vkVLaq-cTCkNaA4J0pDl/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="image-6082303950851780" width="304"></a> <p align="left">Last weekend Kyle installed a closet organizer in the nursery. I just LOVE how it turned out, I’m all about organizing!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9x6-28hzAgXeEsJn1VOIaZwa2NsvqsupLK4Dz04HKm1R3Pns67gXLxKOKQ8hkb2sKvYouXm9H-lWIFtLiyAUpoTW3i_nXZs6DbaaDi4-aHa8LXtJgKur8J1gLMGgW5bG_YkXoRHXX8WwN/s1600-h/DSC09772%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09772" border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6hkiPe28ZX8x3KRWq2EFt-FX9_Ri68UK3ErGicd-c_5B9EQjU2udugoYrhNi1IlooSgvwT1kaSDBsNxj91IfQfYTi-7p9WlWMKwpGka716QWcW-rFRkgGx465UrWYq_lS7c4g0wVmj91R/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09772" width="304"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhApx7z9FAzdrGoT3aYw-ne3wKz3FlAmWc_6l6G2NZrBxc903vJ3OH-cmTVMKVis3_ISdUEZj5TkvGsM38Kq4JtHSFQ_LkIWx2ITnAncAacmTT8NbWIgNLPtYYkgHsQQ-KTKhwrkiNyd017/s1600-h/DSC09771%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09771" border="0" height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjltscY1QR-IGq-0-Dkf5Z_cif8BO7nMUlRpUIbmkjOow3_3LUZ9Sl8Sdtze6HdhE0RSe91lk33jeB_hUL12QZ7EOnipiikIjA8ApoGtrmCg7Q60h3Y5021dHrq1mdARK0Y5Ek-wrkhPxzY/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09771" width="304"></a> <p align="left">Tuesday afternoon Kyle & I got off work early because of a snow storm, so I worked another nursery project. I REALLY, REALLY wanted to purchase a new dresser, but we’re trying to do the nursery on a budget! So we are using a dresser we already had, but I wanted to “dress” it up a bit. I added some pop of color inside the drawers. Idea courtesy of <a href="http://www.younghouselove.com/2010/03/nursery-progress-lining-our-dresser-drawers/">Young House Love</a>! We are also going to add some handles too! <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="500" align="center" border="0"> <tbody> <tr> <td align="middle" width="250"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG0OQy96wfNdslp5fiMEH_h75xPipxaeD-guyI6JUynwASSSPzO3t1RO56wjvs0oj3UZWPkV38QI6nHpYWzvmMdm74kX8T-1UWhBgm0eOd5SPSvbasdGFQ-U40TXV7xLhX3rqnJ_jdMFFc/s1600-h/DSC09758%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09758" border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgaGWRpzG_Eewh4_mSUuTUQOXdDFsYNCt38yobCMngE3qLFZFP02eL9bl_ewBcqkLvWWNcWZeXCF4OcfvmDhYmssmEeMhV8Fr33zVFuD1r_U3tK3Q_DkECw0jUz9C4Y-dO_yLfHf38FEIv/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09758" width="254"></a> <p> </p></td> <td valign="top" width="250"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNT1tl-Gn9isJt2Vp1aHJ5aiIoDf3disFj0UjKruhEoUr3O6GovmIKQConIER6iSI0RfdrGKe8hFcgjDide7P3XZF36YaLneUSKbq-GIxPTP1teppW7hglDcIgFJKY9whPn2KIhXZfS6F/s1600-h/DSC09760%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09760" border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCsamRV6VLUvLcaOtNeF4LFdgohyphenhyphenxV_Jm7R-ojmnHtV7ZEcvuI30n3WpjUwXEj2zn-EoPRGKsPOfRt2zH0q0lIoaCPfnEoUqSUCRbMxVt9jvO7eD2iidS6JmmNtNEo9D8RAdx2l5AAQgVV/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09760" width="254"></a></td></tr></tbody></table>Here is a sneak peak of the bedding. This is something I purchased from <a href="www.potterybarnkids.com">Pottery Barn Kids</a> a few years ago on super clearance. I think it was back in 2006 I had <em>MAJOR</em> baby fever, but after lots of chats with Kyle we decided it just wasn’t the right time yet. But since we’re having a girl we still get to use the bedding!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieirDw4j53tDG9LqxF4WqfeeVFyYCcMU81PS1VaTP8PrTXFjFos4W7qsOQ7nBy9svJJLVWB8ZGi2mVLPfrXefljFXUStVejBtI3STJEBttmDCefabNWLw2GFFP5XIf_DYLnaBep0St2sel/s1600-h/DSC09761%5B3%5D.jpg"><img alt="DSC09761" border="0" height="387" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjANOpYka0BLWlF1iM4l05emaE0snJRifWDpaa5ATL7CgH10nq03iUj6bhlOpzt8W__tLHzcb0TAwG6glS9zODm4FLgwW1EV9FJT5AHm3Ddb665gKAEMm9174-cQY44ILYctduI0JGDpc48/?imgmax=800" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: block; border-left-width: 0px; float: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border-right-width: 0px" title="DSC09761" width="304"></a> And you can see from this picture too that we have a white crib. Kyle set up the crib over our Christmas break also. Last weekend I washed all her bedding & made the bed! The crib was a generous gift from some friends who moved out of state a few years ago and their little guy was ready to move to a big bed. We purchased their crib mattress for only $25 (they paid over $200) I guess it pays to plan ahead! <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>That’s all for now friends! Kyle & I are enjoying our snow day off work today. Going to do a few more projects in the nursery!! :)</p>

20 weeks

  Pregnancy Highlights: How Far Along: 20 Weeks Size of baby: Baby Bangert is the size of a cantaloupe Total Weight Gain/Loss: gaine...

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Internetless tonight

I've been without internet connection for the past five hours (except my phone, but that doesn't really count). It was almost as bad as when the electricity goes out. <br /><br />I even tried to watch a Netflix movie through the box thing we have when it displayed "your internet isn't connected" message. Oh yeah, no internet, I forgot. So no Netflix. It makes me wonder how I ever lived without the internet.<br /><br />My husband finally fixed it about 20 minutes ago, but it's 10:30p .m. It's past time my bedtime so I'm not writing much. I've been working on a post of why I gained 100 pounds. I'm too tired now to proof it before I post it. Tomorrow.

Internetless tonight

I've been without internet connection for the past five hours (except my phone, but that doesn't really count). It was almost as bad...

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Envivo De Michoacan

Of course I am here to learn Spanish in the best way possible, I believe – several hours each day in class – so far my classes are one on one (I may have a classmate soon) -- living with a family that speaks Spanish, and negotiating life in a strange city where it seems no one speaks English at all. It is sink or swim, and since I cannot swim, I am immersed.<br /><br />But I am learning a lot more than irregular verbs. This is a psycho-spiritual experience and a socio-political eye-opener. The content of all of that is barely beginning to be revealed. So far I can say it changes my dreams. I rarely remember my dreams at home, but here I am dreaming a lot, suenos extranjos, strange dreams with camels and chimpanzees. Something is up deep in my psyche.<br /><br />On a more conscious level, it is a different experience to hear the word “foreigner” applied to oneself. At home we are citizens. Abroad we are, in our eyes, tourists or pilgrims. But to those around us, we are foreigners, sojourners. The identity of the “foreigner” is at the heart of Jewish spirituality and ethics. “Give shelter to the foreigner for remember you were once foreigners in Egypt.” It actually goes back further to Abram who was sent to wander “in a land you do not know.” As Christians, we inherit that identity. We are citizens of the Heavenly City, not the Worldly City (St. Augustine) “This world is not my home. I’m just a-passin’ through.” Those words caution us against attachment to or identification with worldly pursuits or undue anxiety about worldly problems. But they also remind us that we are never to claim a land as ours so as to say to another, “you are a foreigner while I belong here and (more insidiously) here belongs to me.” Our true rootlessness, our sojournerhood, is so easy to forget in a place where we have a paper that evidences our “right,” our “claim” to land, where we have a driver’s license, and a voter registration card – all to “identify” us and identify us with the place. But when one is called a “foreigner,” it changes the way we look at the sojourner in our midst when we are at that place where “we belong.”<br /><br />It is hard to be in a different culture, where you cannot assume anything, where nothing can be done by habit, but every step must be thought out so as not to offend or cause some debacle. It is hard to have to struggle to remember even the few words one knows in order to accomplish the simplest exchange like the purchase of a bagel. It is hard to use currency in which the numbers are way out of line with the values in the currency one knows. That is what it is like for the immigrant in the United States. Do they do right or do they do wrong to come to Nevada for work? All I can say is that they do not do it lightly.<br /><br />Most of our immigrants face larger challenges than these. Most come, not from the northern states, but from far to the South, near Guatemala. It is not an easy walk or a short one. They know that many die in the Arizona desert. Do they do right or wrong? I can only say it is not a choice that they make lightly.<br /><br />Again, I am receiving remarkable hospitality here. I say this as one who has lived nearly two decades in the cultural capital of the Old South, where hospitality is a matter of pride celebrated in Southern Living Magazine. But the South offers no welcome, no “mi casa es su casa” comparable to the warm hearted caring of the people here in Morelia.<br /><br />A little about the city: Morelia has been here since the 16th Century. Antiquity and Spanish elegance define the city, patently in the Center City square, but subtly even at the corner Farmacia. It is not a skyscraper city, but it is a huge college town. There are multiple institutions of higher learning including graduate schools in law, medicine, architecture, accounting, etc. There are 100,000 students in Morelia. Like students in the United States, their challenge is employment. They will soon have degrees to prepare them for jobs that do not exist in the present economy.<br /><br />However, I met an interesting man this morning at the coffee shop. Although from Morelia, he is either an American citizen or permanent resident alien. One way or another, he has a home in Sacramento and the legal right to work and pay taxes in California. But here he is. He came to Mexico from the United States to find work.

Envivo De Michoacan

Of course I am here to learn Spanish in the best way possible, I believe – several hours each day in class – so far my classes are one on on...

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1 Pound Down!

After a week of working out all 5 days, and eating just so-so, I am pleased to report a loss of one pound!  I hope to keep this momentum going next week as well.  My challenges were of the eating kind - fast food was an enticing option this weekend on more than 1 occasion.  Plus I failed on the water element as well.  But I did make it to the gym 2 weeks in a row for all 5 days!  And I lost a pound! Yay!  <br /><br /><a href="http://www.3fatchicks.net/index11.php"><img border="0" src="http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/tulip-bar/slider-scale/lb/0/95.2/1/.png"></a>

1 Pound Down!

After a week of working out all 5 days, and eating just so-so, I am pleased to report a loss of one pound!  I hope to keep this momentum goi...

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My story and my trigger

I read a really great post this morning written by Lynn at <a href="http://lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/">Lynn's Weigh</a> (love her, she's another one of my heroes). She tells the story about the one thing that triggered her start towards being a weight loss success story. She realized she was worthy of good health.<br /><br />Even though I'm not yet a weight loss success story, I will be one day. Here's the story of my one thing...<br /><br /><strong>Flash to February 2006</strong><br />After years of crash diets, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, South Beach (the list goes on and on) I weighed 240 pounds. This was the heaviest I had ever weighed. In college I got up to 145 pounds and I remember how I thought I was such a fat pig. When I met my husband 25 years ago I was 132 (I'm 5' 6"). I was trying to starve myself to what I thought was my ideal weight of 125. <br /><br />How did I get to 240 pounds at the age of 51? More importantly, why? I had difficulty walking. I wouldn't even attempt to climb the two flights of stairs to my office, I'd take the elevator. I was uncomfortable and miserable. The clothes that did fit looked terrible on me. My self-loathing was at an all-time high.<br /><br />I remember when I ripped the seat out of two pairs of size 18 jeans trying to squeeze my very ample behind into too small clothing. Both times the ripped jeans incident happened while I was at work. Those were two of the most embarrassing moments of my life. The fabric simply couldn't stretch to fit my size 20 (probably more like size 22) bottom. I bought my first pair of size 20 slacks, and I was horrified. I was more depressed than at any other point in my life. Yet I still wouldn't or couldn't get motivated to do anything about my weight. It was like I was frozen in some sort of self-made hell.<br /><br />Then I starting having strange pains in my joints. They came on suddenly one night as I was sitting in my recliner watching TV (we no longer own recliners). The agony started as shooting, knife cutting pains in my left knee. It was excruciating. I could barely stand up. I had no idea what was wrong. The pains lasted for a few hours and then went away. It happened again the next night and the next. Then the pain just disappeared. <br /><br />A few days later the same type of pain started in my left elbow, again, at night while sitting in my recliner. It scared me. I thought I must have some horrible, life-threatening disease. The pain would move around to different joints every few days. Left knee, right knee, shoulders, elbows. Yet I refused to go to the doctor, because, well, you probably guessed, I was embarrassed about my weight gain of 60 pounds since the previous year. I know that sounds crazy, but it's the truth.<br /><br />One day around this time of the strange pains I was walking by the pharmacy in a drugstore. I stopped to take my blood pressure at one of those free machines. I'd always prided myself on my great blood pressure and low cholesterol levels, even during my fat phases in my life my blood pressure was always around 120/60. The reading on the machine:  <strong>180/110</strong>. Seriously? Could that even be possible and still stand upright? I thought the machine must be broken. I went to two different drugstores and used their blood pressure machines, all the readings were very close to 180/110. <br /><br />I was scared to death. This time I knew I really could die. I was 51. I called my doctor and she told me to get a free BP check at the fire station where they would use a regular blood pressure cuff (I never knew why she did this, I have medical insurance). She said maybe the machines were inaccurate. That was another really embarrassing moment when me, the fat, middle-aged woman asked the gorgeous, hunky firefighter to take my blood pressure. When he had to get the extra large sized cuff because of my fat upper arm, I wanted to die. The results were once again 180/110. He looked at the number and told me I needed to see my doctor immediately. <br /><br />This time I knew my life was in danger, and I saw my doctor. She immediately put me on blood pressure medicine. I'm off of the medication now, and I check on my own blood pressure all the time at home. Lately it's been a little on the high side, 128/73. I know it's the last 25 pounds I gained back.<br /><br />My doctor also talked to me about my weight. She held one of my hands in her hands, she looked me in the eye and said "Diana, you're a beautiful woman. Why are you doing this to yourself? You have to lose the weight or you are going to die." The "you are going to die" part really shook me up. I could see her concern, and knew she was saying this to help me. I knew I had to do something about my weight.<br /><br />I immediately started a diet. South Beach, a diet I'd done the year before and lost 40 pounds before giving up and gaining it all back, plus some. It was the first "diet" that I actually felt like I could probably live with the rest of my life.  However, after several months of South Beach, but still counting calories, I had only lost 20 pounds. I was stuck and finding myself slipping back to old habits.<br /><br />That's when a friend at work asked me to join the Weight Watcher "at work program". Reluctantly I joined with her since I was stalled on my own, but I secretly knew it wouldn't work for me. The first week I did everything perfectly, eating all my Points, my activity Points and my Weekly Points. I was sure this was too much food, and I'd gain even more weight. I lost seven pounds the first week following the plan exactly. I proceeded to lose a total of 60 pounds in seven months and then, I'm not sure why, I just quit. I gained it all back very quickly.<br /><strong>February 2008, this time it is for real</strong><br />There I was again, February of 2008, sitting at 240 pounds. I needed to lose 100 pounds. Why did I do this to myself over and over? I never once tried to answer this question and really thought I just didn't have any willpower. When in reality, I have willpower of steel. <br /><br />Once again I joined Weight Watchers because it felt like the right thing to do. I knew it worked. This time I did something different, I started using my gym membership, going almost every day. I'd had that membership since 1996 but had probably only been to the gym ten times in 12 years. Now I go almost every day for an hour or more, I really believe the exercise <u>and</u> Weight Watchers is what has changed my life.<br /><br />You're probably thinking, but Diana, it's been almost three years and you're still not at goal. You are correct. I've been struggling for months, in fact, pretty much for all of 2010. I'll call that my lost year. I started the year at 180 pounds and ended it at 180 pounds. I dropped down during the year to 162 but never got back to my 2009 low of 152. True, 2010 wasn't my greatest year, yet I take great pride in the little fact that I didn't go back up to 240 pounds. My goal was and still is 135 pounds.<br /><br />I still believe Weigh Watchers is the best plan for me. I know it doesn't work for everyone, and we each have to find the thing that works for us. Whether it's counting calories or even a surgical procedure, there's something out there that will work. In truth, they all work. <br /><br />What I'm finding out is that the real work is looking inside of ourselves and really finding out the "why" of our overeating. Why did we get overweight in the first place? That's the real question. <br /><br />To say "well, I just love food and I can't help it" is not the answer. I said that same thing for years. Nothing wrong with me, I just lov efood. The truth, most people love food yet they don't have the issues of overeating like the morbidly obese. Without self-examination we can still lose weight, but it's very questionable whether we can keep it off forever. You know how I know? Because I've been there, done that....more times than I can count. Now I'm working from the inside out, versus just focusing on the outside. <br /><br />Like Lynn asked, what was your one thing that triggered you into starting a weigh loss plan, and this time you know it's for good? Have you figured out what caused you to become overweight in the first place? I'll share with you in a later post what I think caused me to gain 100 pounds, lose it several times, and never keep it off in the past.<br /><br /><strong>Pictures</strong><br />A before picture, 240 pounds. This was right before the stange pains started. I didn't think I was a person worthy of good health. I just thought I was fat, ugly and stupid (I had just started a new job). When I saw this picture I was horrified but it still didn't make me try to lose weight. It took a death threat to make me take action.<br /><br />Now I'm working on learning to like myself, and acknowledging that I am worthy of being healthy.  It's not just about gaining the weight, it's about so much more.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3rfAgZcDoopldMJsitZflYyx9sag5IM9O-9GRhErH5e_6F_Z6x5csx5RLuoxZR_82vLY97GIvrbdJ0jRnxs7o-ZxCDY95kqHQ7AI7VeyHVpxnNBMTTJYaBXZ6qaqS8Uw72ttG4hPoqx4n/s1600/240.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="373" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3rfAgZcDoopldMJsitZflYyx9sag5IM9O-9GRhErH5e_6F_Z6x5csx5RLuoxZR_82vLY97GIvrbdJ0jRnxs7o-ZxCDY95kqHQ7AI7VeyHVpxnNBMTTJYaBXZ6qaqS8Uw72ttG4hPoqx4n/s400/240.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />240, from the backside:<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzSKQ_BR88qNMh_pcxa-QTQtq9Y8TLztLA7OJ2d7S2k5bY9smu1ZDKgQvKEHO8V6ENFj_dC2cYd7-Im2DGNbErmi0kIMu5L5WR8H-trWDbcg6GffaZS_aCR4HUtmDdrRkJ5Fr7ms9jOuzf/s1600/Wedding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzSKQ_BR88qNMh_pcxa-QTQtq9Y8TLztLA7OJ2d7S2k5bY9smu1ZDKgQvKEHO8V6ENFj_dC2cYd7-Im2DGNbErmi0kIMu5L5WR8H-trWDbcg6GffaZS_aCR4HUtmDdrRkJ5Fr7ms9jOuzf/s400/Wedding.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I don't have an after picture because I'm not at goal. Today I weigh 179, so I found this picture where I weighed 175 from 2008. My hair is different now, a little shorter, but I'm too lazy to put on makeup and take a picture today. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, inside and out, but I'm working on it. It's a multi-faceted project. :)<br /><br />2011 is going to be my year!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqmEr93bjOavHEJfRTgBMgy38uXa0G5cryTT_VCUQ8aL76glyPRPI_PpC1WJhdfaSOJVSGUQUjqVaKB6JsbIh1HnNMdCtW5XFuStLQoVzIuqe7ep5uCcLcYeZdcy8fkvOUNTLJwteGAtQO/s1600/Diana_170.8_cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqmEr93bjOavHEJfRTgBMgy38uXa0G5cryTT_VCUQ8aL76glyPRPI_PpC1WJhdfaSOJVSGUQUjqVaKB6JsbIh1HnNMdCtW5XFuStLQoVzIuqe7ep5uCcLcYeZdcy8fkvOUNTLJwteGAtQO/s400/Diana_170.8_cropped.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>

trigger My story and my trigger

I read a really great post this morning written by Lynn at Lynn's Weigh  (love her, she's another one of my heroes). She tells the s...

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CMBA Hitchcock Blogathon: THREE CLASSIC HITCHCOCK KILLERS

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1sTkNuLpILQBIYClxPzrA9BjkSWlfqci5ASygvGEhyphenhyphenSW5ewWXZipgP_YF8KEtnzopUtGT3MLNv5qTcpJDZWphKYCJZw5RkRj0kfzrB5s4E9azFqAAviCGE059MZhFBkzexGiIWnU9HD0Q/s1600/Hitchcock+cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1sTkNuLpILQBIYClxPzrA9BjkSWlfqci5ASygvGEhyphenhyphenSW5ewWXZipgP_YF8KEtnzopUtGT3MLNv5qTcpJDZWphKYCJZw5RkRj0kfzrB5s4E9azFqAAviCGE059MZhFBkzexGiIWnU9HD0Q/s320/Hitchcock+cropped.jpg" width="292" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">Alfred Hitchcock once remarked that, “in the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog.”  He resisted such <span style="font-family: Arial;">clichés</span>, preferring a different kind of heavy, the sort he called “an ordinary human being with failings.”  The director also said, referring to his own work, “the more successful the villain, the more successful the picture,” and though this was not always the case, it held true for some of his best films. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> Three villains who reflect his preferences and support his contention come quickly to mind:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Charles Oakley, the “Merry Widow” killer in <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b> (1943) </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bruno Anthony, the “Criss Cross” strangler of <b>Strangers on a Train</b> (1951)</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Norman Bates, the identity-challenged slayer in <b>Psycho</b> (1960)</span></li></ul></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxM8Wj_Dmmg0apMD83IJCJng6rBWAaYOCs1V9H3yp-WBKP8YHKCzYdDI45-qV4IbakSyy1_zth8sXDdP2BBRFs1CQ9YMdTrkWEtvMWIGnQsoU-cVr3YjokT0FC4bF_zUadYkbKKCePi6rL/s1600/shadow+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="273" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxM8Wj_Dmmg0apMD83IJCJng6rBWAaYOCs1V9H3yp-WBKP8YHKCzYdDI45-qV4IbakSyy1_zth8sXDdP2BBRFs1CQ9YMdTrkWEtvMWIGnQsoU-cVr3YjokT0FC4bF_zUadYkbKKCePi6rL/s320/shadow+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shadow of a Doubt: Teresa Wright and Joseph Cotten</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b></b></span><br /><a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Shadow of a Doubt</b> is the film Hitchcock sometimes claimed </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">was his favorite. It was one in a string of hits he made during his first years in the U.S.; some call it his first truly "American" film. Joseph Cotten as Charles Oakley is spellbinding, beginning with the rich velvety rasp of his voice. Uncle Charlie’s suave veneer and practiced charm belie his homicidal impulses and he is welcomed with open arms into a wholesome small town.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>Strangers on a Train</b> was a major hit and responsible for reviving Hitchcock’s career after a series of mid-century flops. Robert Walker’s hypnotic performance as the bizarrely unbalanced Bruno is so powerful he dominates the entire film. Bruno, glib and witty, smoothly finagles his way into the lives of the unwary.</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG3cMcYGF4T630zTGo-XpaD00UWPM_OKHLbSdG13jG_oNuYyCjuWi7A4cpYjtP4diCIOWmryk7rB6YNAZj2jbaqwqbawGe_SVHI6uhWbBQAvjAmg_1_JzWhzaUt6NlUSHpFI1inZY_O7qc/s1600/psycho+3+cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG3cMcYGF4T630zTGo-XpaD00UWPM_OKHLbSdG13jG_oNuYyCjuWi7A4cpYjtP4diCIOWmryk7rB6YNAZj2jbaqwqbawGe_SVHI6uhWbBQAvjAmg_1_JzWhzaUt6NlUSHpFI1inZY_O7qc/s320/psycho+3+cropped.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Psycho: Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>Psycho</b> was a sensation, the great groundbreaking masterpiece of Hitchcock’s later career.  The personality of Norman Bates is the crux of the plot and Anthony Perkins’s portrayal is both riveting and far-reaching. An engaging young fellow, Norman appears harmless and accommodating to those who stay at the Bates Motel.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hitchcock cleverly selected actors for these roles who were not known for playing heavies; each was immensely talented as well as cast soundly against type.</span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Joseph Cotten, 37 when cast as Uncle Charlie, had made his screen debut in <b>Citizen Kane </b>(1941) as down-to-earth reporter Jedediah Leland. He had also portrayed the protagonist in Welles’s <b>The Magnificent Ambersons </b>(1942) and went on to play sympathetic leads in several films following <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b>.</span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-0Cft2NZQQ-AwM2ykqyfSHXybe_1CNbjRFjbA5dlaCxAX1moe6TsWFemHkWQIPw6NFr7a6YWwmDqK5MKHpncKVtLAwwKfxLbz20YOGquULYRMSVOP3ToBSjR9YdAikjRZdvyvyMQL_XDO/s1600/strangers+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-0Cft2NZQQ-AwM2ykqyfSHXybe_1CNbjRFjbA5dlaCxAX1moe6TsWFemHkWQIPw6NFr7a6YWwmDqK5MKHpncKVtLAwwKfxLbz20YOGquULYRMSVOP3ToBSjR9YdAikjRZdvyvyMQL_XDO/s320/strangers+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Strangers on a Train: Farley Granger and Robert Walker</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In his 2007 autobiography Farley Granger remembered that after he had been cast as Guy Haines, Hitchcock asked him what he would think if Robert Walker were to play Bruno Anthony in <b>Strangers on a Train</b>. Granger recalled Joseph Cotten in <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b> as “masterful surprise casting” and, thinking of Walker’s earlier roles, responded, “What a terrific idea!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Walker, 31 when he portrayed Bruno, had been knocking around Hollywood for years, repeatedly cast in boy-next-door roles. He had played young servicemen throughout World War II – <b>Bataan </b>(1943), <b>Since You Went Away </b>(1944), <b>Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo </b>(1944), <b>The Clock </b>(1945) and in the Private Hargrove films. <b>Strangers on a Train</b>, a testament to his remarkable versatility, was the last film he completed before his sudden death.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXyiXgdEPS2ZFQZ0eZpgBLdVaLIx19UtzWG8JvIR58jwJNNv6FjHohmxkm91QWOawg587TV4LqoySUjuymEoF0T7nzztfzZMvz9CmQddd0cMpK43-oxCSjVUD4_GEcIoD3tDYF4AeLuHI9/s1600/psycho+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXyiXgdEPS2ZFQZ0eZpgBLdVaLIx19UtzWG8JvIR58jwJNNv6FjHohmxkm91QWOawg587TV4LqoySUjuymEoF0T7nzztfzZMvz9CmQddd0cMpK43-oxCSjVUD4_GEcIoD3tDYF4AeLuHI9/s320/psycho+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anthony Perkins in Psycho</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Anthony Perkins, 28 when he played Norman Bates, had been cast mostly as sensitive, sincere young men prior to becoming a Hitchcock killer:  <b>Friendly Persuasion </b>(1956), <b>Fear Strikes Out</b> (1957), <b>The Tin Star </b>(1957) <b>Green Mansions </b>(1959). Afterward, Perkins became synonymous with <b>Psycho</b> and critic Robin Wood spoke for many when he mused, “…the saddest casualty of Norman Bates’s murder spree was Perkins’s career.” </span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">None of these three actors had been or would ever be a top star though David O. Selznick tried hard to make a leading man of Cotten.  It's no stretch to say that each actor’s greatest role was his turn as a Hitchcock killer.</span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The relationship between these villainous characters is as interesting as the similarities the three actors share.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">  </span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP1266WpbLr1JcXZl8QSQXQjZeVJYUMtWj6gtK-xarfkdkSxlIG-SJEdN2IIT1OQFHhfPLtQy4eL4Y3iJqGBB-g-teMO34WmGKIub_o0XivgO5g0BiXNDYfnpvV0-WQdEGsfCkJwjVCF0q/s1600/strangers+2+resized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP1266WpbLr1JcXZl8QSQXQjZeVJYUMtWj6gtK-xarfkdkSxlIG-SJEdN2IIT1OQFHhfPLtQy4eL4Y3iJqGBB-g-teMO34WmGKIub_o0XivgO5g0BiXNDYfnpvV0-WQdEGsfCkJwjVCF0q/s320/strangers+2+resized.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Robert Walker in Strangers on a Train</td></tr></tbody></table><div class="MsoBodyText" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In his <u>Hitchcock’s Films Revisited</u>, Robin Wood pondered Hitchcock’s avowed disinterest in actors with a grain of salt:  “…one needs to account for the numerous superb performances…” and specifically referenced Cotten, Walker and Perkins. Though he acknowledged that some actors, left to their own devices, might capably seize the moment, Wood believed there was “…more reason to deduce that there are certain performances – or more exactly, certain <i>roles </i>– which arouse in Hitchcock a particular creative interest.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">What these three personalities seem to most obviously have in common is a complex psychology rooted in family relationships. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"> <br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv038Uiq0daookwCllsr0TcgdE91jpwYoSTUfVrDxI3xFKaxvLhCUqCBSByiA0TslIBymZ9NatC7OxDks4-c33nmKy7KLBGboZmDu3K9etNMo3K7VlmC2_PnWanlpokL2UJqcTbhKni_xP/s1600/shadow+2+cropped+a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="291" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv038Uiq0daookwCllsr0TcgdE91jpwYoSTUfVrDxI3xFKaxvLhCUqCBSByiA0TslIBymZ9NatC7OxDks4-c33nmKy7KLBGboZmDu3K9etNMo3K7VlmC2_PnWanlpokL2UJqcTbhKni_xP/s320/shadow+2+cropped+a.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joseph Cotten in Shadow of a Doubt</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial;">Early in <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b> it is revealed that dapper Uncle Charlie was the youngest in his family, badly spoiled by mother and older sister. His attitude toward men suggests he is used to being top dog and his attentiveness to women implies his seductive powers. But Charlie, with his “spirit wounded and festering” (Lindsay Anderson), is deeply disdainful of everyone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Dissipated playboy Bruno Anthony of <b>Strangers on a Train</b> still lives at home in the family mansion. He is an only child, coddled by an addled mother and dismissed by a powerful father. Bruno seems to have little interest in women though, like Charlie, he manipulates them easily. While his behavior hints at sexual identity issues, he desperately schemes to dethrone his hated father.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Norman Bates in <b>Psycho</b> is also an only child. Norman appears to be the hapless victim of a domineering mother. Whatever the actual dynamics of the mother/son relationship, Norman never matured or successfully transitioned to manhood. He is awkward and twitchy, if sometimes boyishly charming, as he navigates the dark and chaotic world he shares with his mother.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilVksiMlvRbP16_pZHma46KkThCLHJgaM26FAwKrjX-rMkt6y9tux1S5ipdUxarMxWW2fcyny1YqPQHNnPvlfDq717JXl9t7EiIL-oPb4gt91vLbUnW6hwOlO_FdeQZQoEzlOnmdsAjnnw/s1600/shadow+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilVksiMlvRbP16_pZHma46KkThCLHJgaM26FAwKrjX-rMkt6y9tux1S5ipdUxarMxWW2fcyny1YqPQHNnPvlfDq717JXl9t7EiIL-oPb4gt91vLbUnW6hwOlO_FdeQZQoEzlOnmdsAjnnw/s320/shadow+1.jpg" width="251" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uncle Charlie visits Santa Rosa</td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hitchcock additionally bestowed upon each of these villains one of his favorite motifs, a "double"…all three have one. Uncle Charlie and his namesake niece/twin, “Young Charlie,” engage in a fierce battle to the death. Bruno proposes to his less sinister double, Guy, that they “trade murders,” but later perceives a “double-cross”…and Norman, well, with Norman Hitchcock takes his fascination with alter-egos to the extreme; Norman has two personas.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In essence, each character is a progressive reworking of a character type and it strikes me how each also fits neatly into the era in which he "lives."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On the surface, Uncle Charlie is the most civilized of the three killers. He is courtly and chivalrous, very polished – and entitled. <b>Shadow of a Doubt</b> is set during the early days of WWII. As eventually in the war, good triumphs over evil, but much innocence is lost in the fight. David Sterritt commented on the turbulence of the early 1940s and saw Uncle Charlie as a depiction of  “a seemingly genuine (albeit very evil) mortal who indeed personifies the worst tendencies of that moment.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZdnrkfIKyY486zTZlWqdpb8y_XvTAxzD4UG7vQUV5lqBB6f5Yb87H0GoW-BN-wdpb08BmDIrsJQHZYbqbK8qJP60nYj1504NTNQ_mInjV-5Xok5aThQQYCDa7tG9-BTcmX-5dsuOIRve_/s1600/strangers+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZdnrkfIKyY486zTZlWqdpb8y_XvTAxzD4UG7vQUV5lqBB6f5Yb87H0GoW-BN-wdpb08BmDIrsJQHZYbqbK8qJP60nYj1504NTNQ_mInjV-5Xok5aThQQYCDa7tG9-BTcmX-5dsuOIRve_/s320/strangers+1.jpg" width="286" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bruno in Washington, D.C.</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">Like Charlie, Bruno is also entitled and fairly polished, but his behavior is more erratic, his inconsistencies more visible. <b>Strangers on a Train</b> takes place during the post-war era in Washington, D.C., seat of power of newly affluent and upwardly mobile America. Bruno and Guy both have aspirations - Guy desires a new well-connected wife and a political career and Bruno plots for his father’s money and clout. Guy’s dreams appear to be within reach by the end, but he also seems destined for the conformity of a “gray flannel suit" (something Bruno would never have worn).</span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial;">Norman has a naive sort of charm and is not at all sophisticated or polished. But like Bruno, his psychological conflicts are obvious early on. In <b>Psycho</b> just about everyone is nervous and on edge – it’s the Cold War era - but no one is more agitated than Norman Bates with his split-like-an-atom personality. The climax is an A-bomb, the ending an interlude on a psychiatrist’s couch…</span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrDgeAsFRR0_J6hX2BuzI0H0WETR5j6Z5KXricMT1RqSZ6F50FuRnIpQUEYfhh2oxZo-qQXTFRbzv5VTsNlaesV5t6Oj3xIPwsE8POz2B5QpSkKV4b6n2FnW5ocSuMIT8cim7LxI8Xa_QK/s1600/psycho+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="272" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrDgeAsFRR0_J6hX2BuzI0H0WETR5j6Z5KXricMT1RqSZ6F50FuRnIpQUEYfhh2oxZo-qQXTFRbzv5VTsNlaesV5t6Oj3xIPwsE8POz2B5QpSkKV4b6n2FnW5ocSuMIT8cim7LxI8Xa_QK/s320/psycho+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Norman Bates at home</td></tr></tbody></table> </div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Uncle Charlie was the original prototype. Updated and fine-tuned he became the more baroque Bruno Anthony who evolved into shattered nowhere-man Norman Bates. All three are singularly conjured variants of what David Thomson has called the "smiling psychopath" - and legendary among Alfred Hitchcock's "successful villains." <b>Strangers  on a Train</b>, <b>Shadow  of a Doubt </b>and<b> Psycho</b> are all regularly cited on "top ten Hitchcock" lists...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Arial;"><b><i><span style="color: #660000;">For links to blogs participating in CMBA's HITCHCOCK BLOGATHON</span> <a href="http://clamba.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: #cc0000;">click here</span></a><span style="color: #ffd966;">!</span> </i></b></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br /></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br /></div></div>

Alfred Hitchcock Anthony Perkins CMBA Hitchcock Blogathon Joseph Cotten Psycho Robert Walker Shadow of a Doubt Strangers on a Train The Lady Eve (author) CMBA Hitchcock Blogathon: THREE CLASSIC HITCHCOCK KILLERS

Alfred Hitchcock once remarked that, “in the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog.”  He resisted such clichés , preferring a ...

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Thank you & finding peace

<strong>Thank you!</strong><br />Tonight I finally sat down and read all your sweet comments from my SOS post last Tuesday. Most of you can relate to my issues, and several of you feel like you're in the same boat. There were a lot of great ideas on how to beat my late night eating, things I'll be trying in the near future. You guys are very kind. Instead of just writing me off as a lunatic (which lately, I wouldn't blame you), you came to my rescue. I love you guys. You're the best. <br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">********</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>Figuring things out</strong></div>This past week I've been trying to figure things out, trying to understand what is wrong with me, or even if perhaps there really isn't anything that terribly wrong. Other than the fact I've been running around in a totally chaotic, frenzied state regarding my weight, I think I just may be okay after all. As sweet <a href="http://poundsforprom.blogspot.com/">Kelly!</a> said, I'm not really "broken".<br /><br />I've been totally obsessed with trying to find the perfect plan for me to lose weight. Count calories, count Points, count calories AND Points. Do Weight Watchers, don't do Weight Watchers, try a blogger's challenge. Exercise like a maniac, cut back on the exercise, more cardio, less cardio, heavier weights less reps, lighter weights more reps. <br /><br />Frankly, I'm tired of the insanity. Enough already.<br /><br />The people I admire the most are the ones that have made peace with food <u>and</u> with themselves. <a href="http://bbubblyb.blogspot.com/">Dawn</a>, <a href="http://notes-by-grace.blogspot.com/">Grace</a>, <a href="http://gravelandrust.blogspot.com/">Roxie</a>, <a href="http://doingaone-eighty.blogspot.com/">Helen</a>, <a href="http://mizfitonline.com/">Carla (Miz Fit)</a>, <a href="http://www.almostgastricbypass2.blogspot.com/">Lyn</a>, <a href="http://lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/">Lynn</a>, <a href="http://www.almostgastricbypass2.blogspot.com/">Loretta</a>, <a href="http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/">Sheryl (Ms. Bitch Cakes)</a>, <a href="http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/">Sean</a>, <a href="http://www.almostgastricbypass2.blogspot.com/">Allan</a>, <a href="http://theantijared.com/">Tony</a> and many others just like them are my real heroes.<br /><br />These people have come to terms with who they are as a person, they've accepted themselves and find value in their very existence. This has dramatically changed their relationship with food. I want to follow in their footsteps.<br /><br />I haven't totally figured this all out for myself yet, but I have figured out that what I was doing wasn't working. Hating myself, putting myself down constantly, calling myself terrible names, not even liking myself a little bit, all of that has to stop.  I know my low self-esteem is a big reason why I try to comfort myself with food. My overeating is just a symptom of bigger issues.<br /><br />I've been reading Bob Greene's "The Life You Want. Get Motivated, Lose Weight and Be Happy". He lists the main obstacles that cause people to struggle with losing weight and maintaining the loss. I'm only about a third into the book but so far I really like it. It's not as "new agey" as the last book I read on this topic (Geneen Roth and I can't even remember the name of that book). <br /><br />This is what it says about body image (The Life You Want, Chapter 1, page 29):<br /><br />It's crucial to not only accept your body but also make taking care of it a priority, no matter what else is happening in your life. "You might worry, 'If I accept my body, then I will become complacent and just gain more weight, " says Ann Kearny-Cooke. "However, I have found that the opposite is true:  Beating yourself up about your appearance and putting yourself down is the last thing that motivates healthy lifestyle change." In fact, once you are able to improve your body image, you will choose to actively take care of your body (by, say, increasing your physical activity, and giving up fried foods and <strong>overeating at night</strong>).<br /><br />You can see why I'm hooked on this book.<br /><br /><strong>In the meantime, what am I doing to lose weight?</strong><br />Well, I've decided to just calm the hell down. No more jumping from one idea to another, trying to find the quick fix to a broken Diana. I'm slightly askew, certainly not perfect, but not broken either.<br /><br />I went to Weight Watchers on Saturday and for the first time ever I decided not to weigh in. I just didn't feel like facing the scale. Instead I checked in with the receptionist and stayed for the meeting. It was about Power Foods (a concept I really like...to read more about it, check out Sheryl's <a href="http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/2011/01/weekly-meeting-topic-power-foods.html">post on power foods</a>, much better than anything I could write).<br /><br />After the meeting I talked with Janis, my Weight Watcher leader. I was honest with her and told her I was struggling and felt hungry all the time. She suggested I eat mostly power foods to keep the hunger at bay. She also asked me if I was eating any of my 49 weekly Points. I told that actually, I hadn't really been following the plan, I had tried to cut way back and as a result had become ravenously hungry which usually led to a binge on an almost nightly basis. <br /><br />She suggested I track everything I eat this week, every day, every bite and to really focus on the power foods. I'm going to print it out to take with me to next Saturday's meeting. She told me to weigh in with her because she wants to see how I do. If I don't lose then she wants to talk to me after the meeting. She said "we'll figure this out together".  I love her.<br /><br />Janis is a Diamond Weight Watcher leader meaning she's in the top 20% of the leaders to have the most members make it to goal and has the most Lifetimers. I feel relieved that I finally talked to her and told her about my struggles. I also feel like I have to be extremely accountable this week because I made a promise to her. I've already printed off yesterday and today's food tracker (I have a pre-bedtime snack planned tonight...a Weight Watcher smoothie with milk and a frozen banana). I've also added these two days to my <a href="http://www.diana135-fooddiary.blogspot.com/">food diary blog</a>. No more calorie counting. That was making me even more crazy. <br /><br />On thing you'll notice if you look at my food diary is that I'm not eating all my Points. I don't know how to explain this because I've always been one to eat all my daily Points, all my Weekly Points AND all my Activity Points. I can honestly say since I've started focusing on power foods, I'm not hungry all the time.<br /><br />I also feel like I'm eating a massive volume of food. This has me a little concerned, and I can't possibly see how this can work for losing weight. I promised Janis I would give this my best effort, so that's what I'm doing. I'm not limiting my fruit intake, but I'm not eating large amounts of it. In fact, I'm eating a lot less than I use to eat on the old plan.<br /><br />Exercise has been really good for the last week. My husband even went with me today. It's become such a part of my life these last three years that I can't ever imagine stopping. I still have my mornings when I'd rather just stay in bed, but I don't give in very often. It's a necessary task that I have to complete every day, just like brushing my teeth. <br /><br />Again, I just want to thank you all so very much for your support. I really appreciate it. I'm not sure where I'd be without it, and I credit all of you for helping me stay afloat on this thing, even when I just want to give up. I thank God for you every day. I really do.

Thank you & finding peace

Thank you! Tonight I finally sat down and read all your sweet comments from my SOS post last Tuesday. Most of you can relate to my issues, a...

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Focus on Film Noir: Barbara Stanwyck

<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWxTE1-w4a3YlAfZtqP4-bnSHnNccdXxq4o7UHLWF4QX5SRn3FgbwZ_QHkbUNniIGnADZaKJnqD1aE1Y2l-0gcypmHa09lPWR5kbId8stS-pCdCeXj9bhyphenhyphenrTcv5uohsx7VRWg0DQ-ZQdya/s1600/BS+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWxTE1-w4a3YlAfZtqP4-bnSHnNccdXxq4o7UHLWF4QX5SRn3FgbwZ_QHkbUNniIGnADZaKJnqD1aE1Y2l-0gcypmHa09lPWR5kbId8stS-pCdCeXj9bhyphenhyphenrTcv5uohsx7VRWg0DQ-ZQdya/s320/BS+1.jpg" width="256" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Three films of legendary star to be screened at Noir City 9</span></span></div><br /><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Her childhood has been called Dickensian and the rags-to-riches trajectory of her life could easily have provided material for one of her films… </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">She was the youngest of a hard-drinking Irish American bricklayer’s five children </span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">She lost her mother at age three when the woman was pushed, while pregnant, from a streetcar</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Her father abandoned his children (for the second time) and went to sea</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">She lived in a series of foster homes</span></li><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">She began working at age 13<a name='more'></a></span></li></ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Ruby Catherine Stevens, born in 1907 in Brooklyn, New York, grew up fast – and tough. There was one bright spot in an otherwise dreary life - her older sister Mildred was a dancer and, during the summer months, Mildred took Ruby on the road with her. Ruby loved to dance and began learning steps, determined to be a dancer herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>While still in her early teens she got a job as a chorus girl at the Strand Theater on New York’s Times Square, moved on to the “Keep Kool” Revue and before long was in the Ziegfeld chorus.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Ruby’s big break came in 1926 when a friend introduced her to Willard Mack who was casting “The Noose,” a play headed for Broadway. Mack was impressed with her but felt that she needed a name that implied class and distinction. He found the right name on a playbill: “Barbara Frietchie” with Joan Stanwyck.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Barbara Stanwyck made her first film in 1927 with <b>Broadway Nights</b>. And though she became one of the legends of Hollywood, film success did not come overnight. It wasn’t until the early ‘30s, when she moved west with then-husband Frank Fay that she began to make her mark. Frank Capra saw a screen test and cast her in <b>Ladies of Leisure</b> (1930). A contract with Columbia Pictures followed and her career began to take off. It was during this period that some of her early classics were made and her image as a determined working girl evolved: <b>Night Nurse </b>(1931),<b> Baby Face</b> (1933) and <b>Ladies They Talk About</b>, (1933).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Stanwyck’s personal life remained rocky. Her romance with Broadway actor Rex Cherryman had been cut short when he died suddenly in 1928 at age 30. Her marriage to Fay collapsed in the mid-‘30s as her star rose and his fell. The pair had adopted a baby boy, but Stanwyck and the child developed a strained and then estranged relationship that never healed. She began living with Hollywood heartthrob Robert Taylor in the late ‘30s and her studio, wary of potential scandal, insisted that they marry in 1939.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNbfBN1kqJnwLGk3XmXnjumIx-O4oEKfVAmVyZ3k4IpKQs_zT7sHkD-oQaRW1J6IV0uRXT62TFrDeZkyp51tcuFoaCG7BndirvLY4ka73eJ2bXQvDmTZ_buETe_6vbs1FS3PTDk7kWpn9o/s1600/BS+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNbfBN1kqJnwLGk3XmXnjumIx-O4oEKfVAmVyZ3k4IpKQs_zT7sHkD-oQaRW1J6IV0uRXT62TFrDeZkyp51tcuFoaCG7BndirvLY4ka73eJ2bXQvDmTZ_buETe_6vbs1FS3PTDk7kWpn9o/s320/BS+3.jpg" width="260" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">In 1937 Stanwyck starred in <b>Stella Dallas</b>, a memorable melodrama for which she was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar. In 1938 she starred in <b>Golden Boy</b> with young William Holden, who years later declared he owed his career to her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Stanwyck proved that she was a capable comedienne with two hit 1941 comedies, Preston Sturges’s <b>The Lady Eve</b> and Howard Hawks’s <b>Ball of Fire</b>. That same year she co-starred in the Capra classic <b>Meet John Doe</b> with Gary Cooper and earned her second Best Actress Oscar nomination.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">The 1940s would be the apex of Barbara Stanwyck’s movie career and included her crowning performance, femme fatale Phyllis Dietrichson in Billy Wilder’s film noir supreme, <b>Double Indemnity </b>(1944). Stanwyck garnered her third Best Actress nod for the role.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">The decade contained several more popular Stanwyck films: <b>Christmas in Connecticut </b>(1945), <b>The Strange Love of Martha Ivers </b>(1946), <b>The Two Mrs. Carrolls </b>(1947), <b>B.F.’s Daughter</b> (1948) and <b>Sorry, Wrong Number </b>(1948), for which she received her final Best Actress nomination.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">It was at around this time that Stanwyck's marriage to Robert Taylor began to fall apart. Taylor had been dallying with some of the celebrated beauties of the time, Lana Turner and Ava Gardner, along with others of less stature, such as the bit actress on <b>Quo Vadis</b> (1951) who created a scandal when she went public with their affair. When Stanwyck gave Taylor an ultimatum he resisted and the pair soon divorced.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Stanwyck never remarried but continued, as she always had, to work hard. She went on to make several more popular films and starred on television in series and mini-series into the mid-1980s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>She was awarded an honorary Academy Award in 1982 for her career achievements.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Barbara Stanwyck died in 1990.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzMH9ypslO8Uj9LN7u_Rv4OwsmWxBrivz_Zyl9fAGnMnGty6WpEerpEMEOc0Ge-aOpTOX4bjsgEBnR_Qa49ptvo0e1qmvpeRNJuKTgwZ4XCMYFYcAyoBQcqm3uhmkzyHS2eg9nWw0PQPqb/s1600/BS+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzMH9ypslO8Uj9LN7u_Rv4OwsmWxBrivz_Zyl9fAGnMnGty6WpEerpEMEOc0Ge-aOpTOX4bjsgEBnR_Qa49ptvo0e1qmvpeRNJuKTgwZ4XCMYFYcAyoBQcqm3uhmkzyHS2eg9nWw0PQPqb/s320/BS+4.jpg" width="232" /></a></div><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">San Francisco’s Noir City 9 will screen three Stanwyck films at this year’s festival:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Sorry, Wrong Number</span></b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"> (1948) and <b>The Lady Gambles</b> (1949) on Mon. Jan. 24</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">The Two Mrs. Carrolls </span></b><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">(1947) on Thurs. Jan. 27</span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Also of note, <b>The High Wall </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(1947) starring <b>Robert Taylor</b> (with Audrey Totter) will be shown on opening night, Fri. Jan. 21</span></div>

Barbara Stanwyck Billy Wilder Double Indemnity Film Noir Noir City 9 Robert Taylor Sorry Wrong Number The High Wall The Lady Eve (author) The Lady Gambles The Two Mrs. Carrolls Focus on Film Noir: Barbara Stanwyck

Three films of legendary star to be screened at Noir City 9 Her childhood has been called Dickensian and the rags-to-riches trajectory of he...

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