Or not...
And that's making it tough for me.
I joked a long while back that I needed to hire somebody to be my HoH. Being that hubby didn't want to the job and all. I was kidding, yet in a way I suppose I kinda needed it.
I didn't intentionally search out someone to help me in a HoH'y kind of way. And lord knows I wasn't looking for Sir. This whole thing with him kind of blossomed out of a friendship and in the confines of mutual respect for our marriages. And I guess like happens with most people, you can set out to follow what you think will be a set path of D/s or DD or whatever and it just becomes amalgum of TTWD.
So... part of this is that Sir has some rules that I must follow. Just stupid domestic good mommy stuff. I'm reminded often that they're HIS rules and that I do these things not only for my family but because it pleases him. It's not the punishment that drives me, it's that I don't want to disappoint him. And just hearing thank you or good girl... that's nice too.
He's becoming a little piece of me, like the little angel on my shoulder reminding me that I'm supposed to do this or that. Something that has surprised me is that I'm watching what I say a little more. Like the nasty thing I was getting ready to say to hubby in response to his nasty comment or action... I'm tending not to say it as much. I know Sir can't hear me, nor am I expected to tattle on myself for it but somehow knowing he'd be upset if I said it is enough to at least slow me down a little. It's almost like our bickering has a witness so I'd better watch how I react.
Because of his rules, my mornings are going really smoothly. Mommy doesn't have to lose her shit nearly as often. Laundry is getting done and put away. Food is in the house. Dinner is on the table more often than not. House is cleaner. I'm more organized. I'm more productive with work stuff. I'm happier. I'm less reactive to stupidity. I'm slowly working towards becoming the mom and wife I want to be.
Does hubby notice? No.
And it's killing me.
I want to scream out all the amazing things I'm doing and I want him to come sweep me up in a big hug and tell me how proud he is for all I'm doing.
But are congrats in order? Probably not...
Hey congrats on not screaming at the kids this morning! You're amazing for remembering to feed people today! Most awesome person ever for paying the bills on time! Mom of the year award for getting to soccer practice! Emptied the dishwasher? Didn't argue all day? High fives!!! Vacuuming and yard work and an oil change too? Best wife ever!!!!
See? That's stupid. Nobody gets a prize for stopping being awful. Wish it was noticed or appreciated.
Just knowing Sir is pleased with me is a great feeling. I wish I could feel some appreciation here in person here with the people I love.
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Posted by: Tukiyooo
Congrats! Updated at :
9:48 AM
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
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