Hanging Out with Santa Claus

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />Hola y’all! Santa came over tonight and hung out with me and agreed to do a Jay Said, Santa Said for the blog cause he’s cool like that.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj12ASIpW9CEw47HkpReAJIwa8k4_ud-tQSDq1p25m-24c2AUDQGmhPgxtZYJcd8PiCV8Vt5Vt9Dyg3V3UShTKoaAZOqxy2YRpY4ba1s95JBmuQp1jnuC1oHzWhPowJYPq5phs_ehKyr90/s1600/Santa+Clause+Chillin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj12ASIpW9CEw47HkpReAJIwa8k4_ud-tQSDq1p25m-24c2AUDQGmhPgxtZYJcd8PiCV8Vt5Vt9Dyg3V3UShTKoaAZOqxy2YRpY4ba1s95JBmuQp1jnuC1oHzWhPowJYPq5phs_ehKyr90/s320/Santa+Clause+Chillin.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><b>Jay:</b> Hola Santa!<br /><b>Santa: </b>Beer please. And some chips. I’m hungry.<br /><b>Jay: </b>I’ve already got them for you; uh please don’t smoke in here.<br /><b>Santa: </b> I’m Santa Claus I can smoke anywhere I fucking please.<br /><b>Jay: </b>It’s bad for you though.<br /><b>Santa:</b> So is sliding down everyone’s filthy chimney but nobody tells me not to do that!<br /><b>Jay: </b>Good point.<br /><b>Santa:</b> Nobody cares about my wellbeing.<br /><b>Jay: </b>Now, that’s just not true.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Really? Everyone leaves cookies, fudge and cake for me.<br /><b>Jay: </b>I’m sure some people in Cali leave granola and soy milk.<br /><b>Santa:</b> Yes and that shit is disgusting!<br /><b>Jay: </b>I know being Santa isn’t easy, but not THAT bad.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Nobody ever asks what I want for Christmas.<br /><b>Jay: </b>That’s only because you can have whatever you want.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Yeah, but having someone else get it for me would be nice every once in a while.<br /><br /><b>Jay: </b>But, you’re Santa Claus. You do this out of the goodness of your heart.<br /><b>Santa: </b>I should sell ads.<br /><b>Jay: </b>Really? Sell out like that?<br /><b>Santa: </b>Nothing big. Maybe just some small ads on the wrapping paper?<br /><b>Jay:</b> Maybe on the tag?<br /><b>Santa: </b>That’s brilliant! “To Timmy … From Santa brought to you by Tostitos” or something.<br /><b>Jay:</b> I’m thinking Johnsonville Brats.<br /><b>Santa: </b>I like the way you think.<br /><b>Jay: </b>With your sophisticated marketing operations, you should be able to target ads.<br /><b>Santa:</b> I’m thinking of asking Google to help me with that.<br /><b>Jay: </b>You’ll get some criticism for this.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Only from the pink-o, panty-waste, atheist, baby-killing liberals who hate me already.<br /><b>Jay: </b>That’s true.<br /><b>Santa: </b>So fuck them<br /><b>Jay:</b> Hell yeah! You go Santa!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-Rq-1e5l6BeCiBDQWoW8hpaP5WR6GSmW21q5PZf1QJsDF-5ooAlIdch6Evm59JNcCENch_iLgLtzKdZ-WYft92lXCKj8HM5mCGB0CaFo-BYmf5ITVS2IqjCPvy1j4Ias_6bPrOdtkDA/s1600/Courtney+Stodden+Nude+Santa+Claus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-Rq-1e5l6BeCiBDQWoW8hpaP5WR6GSmW21q5PZf1QJsDF-5ooAlIdch6Evm59JNcCENch_iLgLtzKdZ-WYft92lXCKj8HM5mCGB0CaFo-BYmf5ITVS2IqjCPvy1j4Ias_6bPrOdtkDA/s320/Courtney+Stodden+Nude+Santa+Claus.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><b>Jay:</b> So how’s the Christmas season been this year?<br /><b>Santa: </b>Same as always. Greedy, spoiled kids demanding expensive toys.<br /><b>Jay:</b> Gets worse every year.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Damn right it does. And I get pissed on at least four times a day.<br /><b>Jay:</b> Is your suit water proof?<br /><b>Santa: </b>I spray it down with a special formula so I don’t smell like piss all day.<br /><b>Jay: </b>Well if you did, you could just take the bus and fit right in.<br /><b>Santa:</b> Hey-OOOOOOOOO!<br /><b>Jay:</b> Is there anything good about being Santa?<br /><b>Santa: </b>Well there are a few things.<br /><b>Jay:</b> The joy of the season? Happy children smiling and laughing?<br /><b>Santa: </b>Well that and a few “fringe benefits.”<br /><b>Jay: </b>Oh really? Like groupies?<br /><b>Santa:</b> Dude. Every hot chick in the world wants to sit on Santa’s lap.<br /><b>Jay: </b>That’s awesome.<br /><b>Santa:</b> It’s crazy. Hell, I can go to any strip club and get a free lap dance for every single girl there.<br /><b>Jay: </b>I’m so jealous.<br /><b>Santa: </b>You should be. In some of the dodgier places I can get a free handy too.<br /><b>Jay:</b> Santa! I’m so disappointed in you!<br /><b>Santa: </b>Oh please! Spare me your fake indignation. I never claimed to be a role model.<br /><b>Jay:</b> Well, that’s true. I guess anyone would take advantage of being Santa a little bit.<br /><b>Santa:</b> I’m only human dude.<br /><b>Jay: </b>Good point.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Well, I better be off.<br /><b>Jay: </b>Got big plans?<br /><b>Santa: </b>Getting pissed on by kids and free lap dances from strippers.<br /><b>Jay: </b>Typical weekend then.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Yup.<br /><b>Jay:</b> Well, Merry Christmas and safe travels Santa.<br /><b>Santa: </b>Thanks my friend.<br /><br />There you go. As you can see, Santa is a very complicated, yet fun and thoughtful guy.<br /><br />Jayman<br /><a href="mailto:Jayman3768@gmail.com">Jayman3768@gmail.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.twitter.com/jayman_iws" target="_blank">@Jayman_IWS</a><br /><br /></div>

Hanging Out with Santa Claus

Hola y’all! Santa came over tonight and hung out with me and agreed to do a Jay Said, Santa Said for the blog cause he’s cool like that. Jay...

Read more »