He's visited my dreams a few times lately. It's so real. I see him, smell him, hear his voice and I feel him.
I found him on facebook today. He's married and has a beautiful son that is a mirror image of himself. No I'm not stupid, I won't contact him.
I feel silly thinking about him now. I last saw him 19 years ago.
He was my first love.
It was too much, I was way too young, far too many years between us.
Nothing kinky in the slightest. But he filled the role of the daddy I needed. And the allure of having the man that other girls swooned over... and the secrecy, the danger, the excitement, oh wow!
It was discovered and it needed to end. I was of age by then. Still his job could have (should have) been on the line.
It ended too soon. I wasn't ready. Neither of us were but he knew it was best.
My mom was dying, just months left to live. Even though she hated me I felt I should be there for my dad who also didn't care for me. I ran away from the state I grew up in and transplanted myself to where I am now, where my parents had relocated to. It was a disaster in every way.
I threw myself into an abusive relationship with the first person I met after moving here.
Got out many years later.
Rebounded into the arms of the man I eventually married.
I don't have regrets. I love him. I adore my children and I have a good life. But I do ache for more.
Now here I am, fantasizing about my first love. Wondering what could have been.
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Posted by: Tukiyooo
Old Flame Updated at :
5:46 PM
Thursday, September 5, 2013
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