Observation about myself

Sweets - the shrink - usually gives me homework.  It's always been a lot of things that really force participation from hubby.  Hubby has always refused to play along, though I could often sneak in bits of communication here and there in ways that he doesn't quite pick up on.  As of late, he's made it abundantly clear he has no intention of ever talking about things other than the tangible physical present, about the kids, about our businesses, and plans for when (not if) we hit it rich.

Homework this time was different.  I put it off until the last minute because it seemed so easy.  It didn't even require a conversation!  Surely, I could whip this up before bedtime and have it ready for him in the morning!

Not so much.

What was I asked to do?  Make two simple lists.

#1 - List ten things that make me happy.  They have to be actual realistic things I can do in real life.  So, while I'd love to go back to NY and explore some museums alone, I can't just go do it and it doesn't count.  Ten real things that I am capable of accomplishing.  And they have to make me happy.

#2 - List ten things that make me feel good when they're done, even though I might not like doing it at the time.  Again, everything has to be attainable.

Several hours in... I have seven things on one list and four on the other.  I'm stuck.  And half of it is me doing things for other people to make myself happy so I suspect they won't count.

The point of this was that I should strive to do three of the things every day.  I suppose that's a big reason it's hard to lift the fog over my head.  I can't seem to find things for me.  I'm way to busy making everyone else happy.  I think half of me is conditioned that I'm never going to be happy, so why bother.  The other half of this is probably my inner control freak micromanaging everybody around me at the expense of my own happiness.  Every time I think I'm getting ahead in this grand plan to submit, it throws back in my face that I've only begun to scratch the surface. 

I really wish I had a partner who was interested in helping me/us together through the journey.  But I'm eternally grateful that he hasn't run for the hills to escape me!

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Posted by: Tukiyooo Observation about myself Updated at : 6:54 PM

Tuesday, June 18, 2013